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Moving forward day by day [crisis team part two ]

(266 Posts)
bassetfeet Tue 26-Nov-13 21:01:20

Hi Fluffy flowers just calling in to wish you a lovely peaceful sleep x

SnowyMouse Mon 03-Mar-14 13:11:41

(((( fluffy ))))

You can do it

fluffydressinggown Wed 05-Mar-14 16:55:56

I feel quite positive today. This time last year I was in PICU and it feels like I have come a long way since then. Even though I really do want to SI I have not done it in three months now which is progress.

SnowyMouse Wed 05-Mar-14 18:39:49

That is amazing smile Anything you can do to treat yourself?

Messupmum Wed 05-Mar-14 18:48:10

That's so good, I bet everyone's proud of you x

larahusky Wed 05-Mar-14 22:52:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Mar-14 18:19:26

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I have had a good few days, I went away with my Mum and we went out for a meal with some friends. I keep reminding myself that this is what I am working so hard for - a normal, happy life away from MH services.

Sijeunessesavait Tue 11-Mar-14 09:55:14

So happy to read your latest posts, fluffydressinggown, having followed your thread for so long. You should be really proud of your hard work, and it's good to see you acknowledging that you are making things happen and taking steps to the future you wish for. Keep that goal in mind, and keep going - you're doing so well.

fluffydressinggown Mon 17-Mar-14 15:37:38

I keep feeling like everyone would be better if I was dead. I know that is not true, so why do I feel like that?

Sijeunessesavait Mon 17-Mar-14 16:43:29

Dear fluffydressinggown

I was sorry to read your post today. I don't know if this is of any help, but I've been reading a beautifully written memoir - The Buddha and the Borderline - to give me more insight into my DD18 who's been diagnosed with BPD. A line I read last night really stood out for me. I'm paraphrasing - it was something like 'It doesn't matter how many people say they understand me, if I don't love myself I won't ever stop feeling this pain'.

I've learnt so much from this book, which gives a really encouraging account of DBT (my DD has been offered DBT but doesn't feel ready to engage with it yet - I so hope she will soon). I don't have any advice about how you can learn to love yourself enough, but I want you to know that your story has been hugely inspiring and encouraging to me, so thank you for continuing to post so honestly. You know that the way you feel just now is only temporary, and I hope you will use all the resources you have to sit it out until you feel more positive.


fluffydressinggown Wed 19-Mar-14 17:41:00

Still feeling rubbish, not sure why, just feel really negative and down.

SnowyMouse Wed 19-Mar-14 18:15:00

(((( fluffy )))) Everyone has ups and downs?

fluffydressinggown Wed 02-Apr-14 16:03:46

I've not posted on this thread recently.

I am feeling ok these days, ups and downs but manageable.

I am hating applying for jobs though, really bringing down my confidence and self esteem. I wish we could afford for me never to work sad

Sijeunessesavait Wed 02-Apr-14 17:24:22

So good to hear this fluffy
I think of you often, and admire your tenacity and self-awareness.
Well done on the job applications

LovelyBath Fri 04-Apr-14 14:21:21

Hi Fluffy you posted on my other thread about taking anti-psychotics long term. thanks for the reply.

I noticed on your thread you used to be a primary school teacher? I did a PGCE for that too... and am also finding it scary the thought of applying for jobs. teaching is very stressful and there are strict 'fitness to teach' guidelines I believe so am unsure about trying to return to it. My gut feeling is I wouldn't cope with it, and it's a long time since I did my training although I guess I could do supply (a very scary thought).

I did speak to a local primary school head teacher who told me of her struggles with PND and it really helped her going back to work. (and obviously didn't affect her career as she is now a head) however we are all different. I think in her case she needed a break from young children. I have heard it is possible to do supply as a TA (teaching assistant) but am unsure about that too.

I think I'd like to learn something new but not have the pressure of a job...maybe do a course in something. Are you claiming ESA? I am on Incapacity benefit at the moment, they were meant to be changing it over last year but I haven't heard anything yet. All so stressful.

LovelyBath Fri 04-Apr-14 14:24:59

I wonder about maybe doing some kind of voluntary work but now sure what. hmm

A friend who is a mum is thinking of doing an art course at the local college. She likes the idea of meeting a range of people rather than 'just mums' and doing something for herself. Another I know is doing a TEFL (teaching English as a Foreign Language) course.

Have you thought about maybe doing a course in something? What jobs are you thinking of applying for? Sorry that sounds a bit nosy. I am just wanting to compare notes.

fluffydressinggown Fri 04-Apr-14 15:00:25

Thanks for your kind message* Sijeunessesavait *

Hi lovelybath!

I am not looking for work as a teacher, it took a lot of soul searching but I recognise that my mental health is not going to allow me to work in such a stressful and pressured environment. That said I know people who have taken time out and gone back via supply and they are really happy.

I am looking for admin type jobs really, and jobs as a HCA (but only in 9-5 type jobs like outpatients or community). I was a HCA for seven years before qualifying as a teacher so I don't mind going back to it.

I am hoping to take a computer course in May, I have signed up for the assessment session and will go from there.

I don't get any benefits at all, we live off my DH's salary which can be tight sometimes. I have applied for PIP but not heard anything yet which is very frustrating!

LovelyBath Fri 04-Apr-14 17:04:47

Hi it sounds like you have some plans in place... I think it's stressful for anyone going back to work after being out of it for a while either through health reasons or having small children. It is easy to lose confidence.

I don't think I'll be looking to get back into teaching either. Do you know I quite (in a strange way) like the idea of being a postwoman- with one of those wee trolleys going along something stress-free out in the open area (would probably in reality mean stressful encounters with scary dogs and people!)..

Have you thought about applying for ESA? I get contribution-based incapacity benefit but think that was due to working for a certain length of time before I applied. i don't know what the 'rules' are for ESA as I'm not on that yet or making a new application, but it might be worth looking into. My care co-ordinator said the carer's centre locally would help me and my husband if we need to renew it.

LovelyBath Fri 04-Apr-14 17:06:16

I suppose what you'd need to find out is if it is means tested - as your DH's salary might mean you wouldn't get it. Mine isn't means tested but that could be due to when I applied iyswim

fluffydressinggown Sun 06-Apr-14 15:19:07

I can't get ESA I have not paid in enough and DH earns too much for the means tested ESA.

I reallllllllllllly really want to self harm today. Lots and lots and lots.

coxspippin Wed 09-Apr-14 11:38:47

Dear fluffy. I find getting ESA quite stressful: the forms and assessments, and all when I am so ill. I too have been a teacher till I took ill. I loved it up to that point. Anyway I hope this week, these few days you have been given some relief from self harm.

fluffydressinggown Tue 15-Apr-14 16:33:40

Two things.

I have a job interview - eep.

On my DBT diary sheet in the urge to self harm column I had zero urges since Thursday.

Sijeunessesavait Tue 15-Apr-14 23:25:24

So pleased for you on both counts, fluffy. When is the interview? Be proud of yourself for these landmark achievements x

dearpip Wed 16-Apr-14 17:45:17

Oh that is good news fluffy; so pleased for you and DH. Nice sunny weather too.

madeuplovesong44 Wed 16-Apr-14 18:24:51

Well done fluffy, you are very inspiring. Good luck for your interview x

fluffydressinggown Tue 29-Apr-14 21:23:15

Good thing - I have not SIed in 6 months

I am super worried at the moment, I have an assessment day at college tomorrow to do a computer course and my interview is on Thursday. I am also having to change my meds and I am so worried about becoming poorly again.

I am still finding DBT pretty boring but I am determined to stick it out.

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