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Is this still anxiety?

(22 Posts)
Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 19:32:02

I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder but I panic all of the time it's 'something else' as I feel strange a lot of the time.

When I'm stressed my head kind of goes in a mash, my thoughts a bit jumbled (even though I'm still functioning normally) and I just feel really, really unpleasant. I feel like I can't cope.

I have a baby and a toddler and today I had a friend around with her toddler. I just felt so, so bad. I was functioning and conversing but the whole time my 'inner world' was going mad, thinking about how strange and scatty I felt. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. Madness? Not sure. Not 'on edge', on the edge.

I can't describe the feeling which in turn makes me panic more as I like to be able to describe how I feel - which makes me feel more isolated and hopeless for my future.

If I knew it was definitely anxiety and depression I could kind of box it up I think. It's this constant nagging worry it's something else - brain problem etc (I've got health anxiety too).

I just can't describe it. When I settle it calms down, but I'm still so worried that the episode was something else.

I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself. I come on here a lot for support and advice. X

HoopHopes Thu 21-Nov-13 19:53:25

I am sure the people diagnosing you are able to diagnose you right. I would imagine looking after two small children is exhausting so a combination of looking after children and anxiety disorder can mean things can feel unpleasant.

What helps you calm down and be less anxious? Why not focus on self soothing things and how to help you calm down?

It is great you are able to have other mums around. Could you talk to them about your anxieties etc as you may find some things are due to having two small children and all that entails ( lack of sleep, world revolves around 2 little people with 2 different sets of needs etc)- just an idea feel free to ignore.

BigPawsBrown Thu 21-Nov-13 19:59:01

I get this and it's definitely anxiety, though I too worry I am dissociating or having a seizure or brain tumour etc......... My counsellor advised me that if you feel anxious while anything is happening, what is happening is most likely to be anxiety! Anxiety is so very convincing and physically/mentally real, it can be very frightening, but it doesn't mean it's anything else.

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 20:16:13

Hi hoops.

I love my children to the point of ridiculous - both of them are amazing, amazing little beings (not to mention beautiful) but I'm failing at being a mum, a wife and a daughter. I bear no resemblance to the woman I was before children and it scares me.

Me and DH operate off very little sleep due to DS and DD which I'm sure doesn't help.

I feel so, so, so shit that I can't function like my friends do. My mum is at her wit's end with me. I'm 32 and need her daily. I've failed so badly. I was a successful woman in my career and now I'm struggling with mental health problems that everyone tries to help me with, but in reality I can only help myself and I can't do it.

I can't see that this is going to have a nice end.

I'm sorry for the rant as it's not really what you asked but I just needed a vent. X

NanaNina Thu 21-Nov-13 20:23:20

Ah hello Milkhell - I just saw you on the "Village thread" - I suffer from intermittent depression and anxiety but more depression with me. Anxiety is the medical name for fear - and panic attacks are extreme fear - can be fear of the present or fear of the future. And experiencing this fear makes us very afraid if that makes any sense. Fear of fear really.

I wonder if you are on meds as most ADs are meant to cope with anxiety too. I am prescribed a low dose of diazepam and it is very effective for anxiety. GPs don't like prescribing it because it can be addictive, but mine was prescribed by a consultant psychiatrist and I use them very carefully - I don't up the dose (which I could as I am written up for 2mg x 2 per day) but I only take them when anxiety strikes. As I said my major problem is depression. I am on 2 different meds but still get bad days on a routine basis.

I wonder why you don't believe the diagnosis as it certainly sounds like the right one, and it is so scary I agree. Also CBT is probably good for it, as it's about trying to help us replace the negative thoughts and going in a downward spiral of hopelessness, with more balanced ones.

I agree with HH caring for 2 small children must be very tiring for you, and not leave much time for hot baths and deep breathing and the other "remedies" for anxiety. I think you are probably making things worse, by your worry over what else it could be. I understand this as I am prone to health anxiety, and I know how that can take a hold. Can't tell you how many serious illnesses I have "had" over the years!

ColouringInQueen Thu 21-Nov-13 20:27:12

Hi milkhell I've replied on the village thread - ooops - but hope you find it!

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 20:56:42

Thank you all. I come on here a lot for reassurance and sometimes it must sound to everyone like I'm broken record. Everyone is always so nice and caring and I feel like I take the caring, reassurance and strength and then run. It does help me work out my own head though - like talking therapy but better for me really.

Nana I tried ADs. I think I've told this tale before but here goes...

I get myself in a state, we call the crisis team, they talk me round.

This only happens after a baby for the first year but this time 'it's' been worse and they've ended up letting me speak to a consultant psychiatrist.

The first time it was under my insistence as I was in my mind 'going mad', the second time they really thought I needed it and I was rushed in as an emergency case.

The psychiatrist said the first time I've got anxiety despite the lovely list of weird, wonderful and downright bizarre 'symptoms' I'd written down for him...he didn't prescribe me ADs.

I went to the GP when things were spiralling again, he prescribed me ADs and although I was petrified took one as I was in a pretty bad way. Anyhow...took said AD, pupils went massive, jaw clenched like I was on a drug and I went to bed. Woke up and went to check on the babies and hallucinated that they weren't breathing. Was in paranoid state trying to ring ambulances. Horrible episode. Never had anything like that happen to me before and hope it never, ever happens again.

Anyway...crisis team called, they agreed I needed to see psychiatrist but again said the 'episode' was anxiety. Psychiatrist (amazing and lovely man) agreed and said I'd been made worse by the AD. He said meds aren't for me due to my anxiety: if that even makes sense. But I agree, even though I think any other mum in my situation could probably be really helped by them.

I hope I've explained that right. Basically I'm that anxious drugs would increase anxiousness even when they're meant to decrease it! I think although the psych was being kind and saying it was the AD I think what happened could have been 'in my head' as I'd been so nervous about taking that first pill.

Again. Sorry for the essay...

marykat2004 Thu 21-Nov-13 21:07:40

ADs give you bad side effects the first month of taking them. Especially the first week. They should prescribe sedative and/or sleeping pills for the first month. That is what I did when I had PPD. ADs did really help. There are also medicines I have just heard of for anxiety, not the usual sedatives, something new that works in a different way. Go back and talk to the psychiatrist. Just keeping talking. And know you are not alone. Many mums have these symptoms.

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:13:30

Thank you Marykat. My lovely female GP mentioned an anti anxiety drug. She said it was great. I might give that a shot.

Thank you for making me feel less bonkers.

I'm sure my stuff is PPD as never suffered with mental health probs before DCs but I now think the MH probs are quite entrenched. Only time will tell I suppose.

I definitely had postnatal anxiety with DS (2.7) and I think I was improving, however then fell pregnant with DD (7mo) and 'relapsed' big style but this time as well as anxiety have the added wonder of depression. Yay.

BigPawsBrown Thu 21-Nov-13 21:15:27

I am the same with drugs - never sure if it's panic about the drugs or the drugs themselves. I refused sedation or GA for a colonoscopy because I don't like mind altering stuff. I was having the colonoscopy due to anxiety too! One day you'll look back on this period and shake your head OP. You WILL get there!

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:16:11

Also Mary - can I be responsible for my DCs in that first week? I was in a paranoid mess so not sure how I'd get through that week looking after them? If that makes sense?

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:19:05

Bigpaws I'm not glad you're the same but I'm glad it's not just me IYSWIM!

I had horrible 'episodes' with the two times I smoked pot (rebel), with pethidine during labour and even gas and air the second labour (refused proper pain relief as I was the scared by what went on the first time).

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:19:50

Thank you for saying I'll get there by the way. That's lovely.

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:21:15

Also bigpaws I'm due for a CT scan if my brain soon as my anxiety is telling me there's something wrong with my brain. I hope they find one in there...

Milkhell Thu 21-Nov-13 21:21:32

* of my

BigPawsBrown Thu 21-Nov-13 21:33:16

Gas and air freaks me out too. It have me a panic attack as I felt fizz and couldn't breath. Anxiety eh!!

BigPawsBrown Thu 21-Nov-13 21:35:13

* Gave

You will get there. CBT helped me. Now, I recognise when my brain is starting to say "could that be cancer/heart attack" etc and I recognise it as anxiety and have learnt to dismiss it. There's a tendency when it's after an event like having children to wait for it to go again but my anxiety/health anxiety was after an event too but therapy still helped.

ifitsnotanarse Thu 21-Nov-13 22:27:30

Hi Milkhell I suffer from anxiety too and constantly worry about my health. I thought I was have heart attacks during the summer but it was instead anxiety attacks.

Have you tried Beta Blockers? They are very good for calming overbeating hearts. Sometimes mine was so bad that I could actually hear my heart beating - a constant thudding in my ears. I only took them for about 3 weeks but it made such a difference and got me over a period of extreme distress with attacks.

I too have small children and once had a career. The transition from being a person in our own right to being an extension of our children is hard to make for some of women. Counselling is helping me come to terms with me no longer being me (if that makes sense). It is also helping to show me how irrational my fears are. I hope that I will eventually be free from constant anxiety but know that it will not happen overnight. I have to want and implement any changes in my life.

Bit of a rant but HTH.

HoopHopes Thu 21-Nov-13 22:50:51

Milkhell firstly there are a whole family of AD's - whether that one caused a problem ( am not a medical dr so cannot comment) or not there are plenty out there that can help and if a different sort will not necessarily react the same. Secondly there are also other medications used for anxiety that are not AD's, worth trying. Thirdly it sounds like lack of sleep is a big issue so can you focus on improving amount and quality if sleep - which is you doing something positive to help yourself ( as yes ultimately we have to do things ourself even if need help to start the process). I would not listen to one professional who does not see me regularly that said one AD made it worst. As with physical illnesses some medicines do not help - I have a physical infection right now and first antibiotic did nothing, so I got iller but this second one is beginning to work.

If your mum helpi daily can you say tell her that if you caught up on sleep you may not need so much help and go to bed for a few hours ( if dc getting you up in night?). Also one thing that helped me the most was getting my ds to sleep through the night - getting him in a good routine. My dh did it as I got too stressed ( not controlled crying, but it worked!!) can you ask your HV to see you and support with sleep? Also have you gone to your chikdren's centre and field in a form to ask of a support worker to help you? Al things like that are you taking positive steps to change things for the better. Sorry if you done all of that.

pinkoctober Fri 22-Nov-13 05:11:10

The anxiety thing is quite common amongst us women and I think hormones make it magnified at that time of the month. I know all the fears I have seem worse then.

I need advice too because I have a little one born earlier this year and I am an over anxious parent always trying to protect her from what could happen incertain situations. Its really about my relationship with my DH and how I cant seem to sleep at night because my thoughts of him are so negative I wonder whether I should up and leave. Ive not felt emotionally and mentally supported by him much. And since the babys been born its not improved. Everything I say is ridiculed or not worth taking seriously. I dont feel reassured and safe in anyways and it makes me feel lonely.

I live too far from my parents and have friend who live too far and a baby with a routine out of sorts to leave the house or be sociable at the right time of day. I solely rely on my DH to take me to see ppl. I feel dependent on him and he lets me do nothing other than look after my child without a fight.

I dont know how else to resolve without feeling like giving up on us. I try to talk to him and he argues straight away. And it can be for hours! And its unfair to my child and I wonder if its better to b single parent than to have her think arguing is normal. We argue frequently because anything I say isnt from his mouth so it cant b right.

Im tired arguing either small or big daily and need an escape or advice that can keep me trying and keep us all together.

We're all struggling and just need a shoulder to cry on. It must mean we're human and all needing help. Things cant be done without help and ill be the first to admit I want some. Or maybe just seeing every1 elses post makes us feel normal and able to get through it in the end.

I can only focus so much on the good in my relationship . I just feel the bad keeps popping round for a cup of tea and saying hi.

teawomen Fri 22-Nov-13 07:43:29

Hi can I hijack really sorry.

Sorry yous are all having a tough time I too suffer GAD it's horrendous although much more under control on ad.

What I wanted to as was in response to what bigpaws said about having a seizure.
In quite interested as this is my constant negative thought! Have never had a seizure have you? Can't shake it off at times but just wondered if you've never had a seizure? People ask me all the time where it's come from. Suppose looking after dd and being in control of all situations is my thing. Z

Milkhell Fri 22-Nov-13 08:29:52

Thanks Hoops. You're spot on. I need my sleep and with two little ones it's just not happening. I'm going to start getting to bed earlier as that helps.

Hi hijackers! Teawoman no never had a seizure. I suppose my anxiety is that intense it sometimes feels like I am.

Pink join the village thread. It seems like a lovely place to chat with like minded women. I'm so sorry you're struggling too - and you teawoman. Xx

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