DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

[Katiejon]

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

[ReetPetit]

Why do you need a nanny?

If you are looking for a mothers help type person you could try childcare.co.uk

[Katiejon]

Not so DH reluctant to help.
I need to get up at nite and need to sleep for a few hours during the day.
AP can't look after DD and 3 week old simultaneously.
Dd v active after school and I'm not v mobile.
Recovering from csection & spd and a husband working while on paternity leave.

[NomDeClavier]

I think you really need to reassess you overall childcare requirements. You've asked about just about every form of in home care over the last week or so and it just seems your AP is a hugely complicating factor that you don't need.

A good FT or even afternoons only Mothers Help will be far more useful, or a FT nanny housekeeper.

[ChazDingle]

doesn't DD go to school? Can't you grab a couple of hours when she's at school and 3 week old sleeping? If you've got an au-pair as well how much help do you need?

[Katiejon]

Agree about AP.
Have given her a daily/weekly routine that she ignores half of, despite me telling her to ask me if she has any questions!
Have resorted to writing list of what she needs to do every am & pm.
Makes more work for me, not less!
Catnapping not enough, I need 5 or more hours at a time.
Will have to speak to agency about what to do.
She wants to stay, but I need more support.
In theory, would LOVE 5 or 6 days week nanny housekeeper , but may not be brilliant either.

I don't know much about domestic help or hiring childcare, which is why I've been posting so much.
Sleep cycle completely screwed up.
Hallucinated after dd born due to sleep deprivation, so that's why am so desperate for adequate deep sleep.
Psychiatrist appt on mon, may have to v v v reluctantly take sleeping tablets.

Nom, x lots for all your responses. V kind of u.
Also the cost.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Agree you need to decide what you need in childcare and for how long

Ie for a few weeks while you recover or on a more long term position

If you ap isn't working out then get rid and either get another who is happy to keep an eye on baby while you sleep or get a mothers help who will help with both dd and bubs

Or a cleaner and a part time nanny for a month

[Unexpected]

I think the problem is your dh, not the AP! What do you mean he is reluctant to help? If you are breastfeeding, then there's not so much he can do at night and you are awake anyway. However, if he is on paternity leave he needs to help out during the day with the baby. Having said that, having 5 or more hours of sleep at a time day or night with a three week old baby may simply not be possible. Babies will often require feeding more often than that so unless you are bottle feeding or expressing well, you have to accept that no form of help is going to allow you those uninterrupted periods of sleep at this point.

[Katiejon]

Hi unexpected.
Bottle feeding since 2 days old.
B/f too painful when milk comes in and baby fed every 2 hours or less.
I slept less than 3 hours in 2 days.
Agree DH is problem.
Is working this Saturday, wasn't going to tell me until I was home from hospital!
Chose to work!
I found out Sunday before csection on Wednesday by looking in his work diary to write down time DD needs 2b collect ed from school!
Bad hip and coccyx pain, he will b out from 8.15 till 6.
Mum can do all day if emergency, but she is already here 2.30 till 8 or so to help with baby while dh with dd and ap cleaning, so I can rest or sleep.
The more I move, the more pain I have and can't keep taking strong painkillers.

[Katiejon]

Blondes, too tired 2 think about recruiting diferent help.
Will put up and shut up.

[madwomanintheatt1c]

You will feel much better very soon. C section stuff is pretty much sorted by 6 weeks so this problem is very short lived. By three weeks post surgery you should be capable of looking after a baby for 3.5 hours.

Sleep deprivation is a bitch, but tbh it will improve over the next few weeks as well. You should be able to catch some sleep during the day when baby sleeps. (And yes, I know, dd1 didn't sleep during the day, and ds1 fed every two hours day and night for ten months - I get it. But your wee baby is three weeks, and there is every chance that yours will develop a routine. And yes, I had a c section. I also had a third DC with brain damage who we had to feed at night because her muscle tone was too high to allow a swallow during the day, so we went nocturnal).

Time to woman up. And get your husband to man up. If you are bottle feeding, there is fuck all reason why he can't do half of the night feeds. You go to bed at 8pm and hand the baby to him. He deals until midnight. After midnight, you get to deal. Or vice versa, but at least you get an unbroken 4 hours or so.

And don't take sleeping tablets with a newborn, that's not a great idea.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

If you need help that badly then hire a temp /emergency nanny for a month/till Xmas


Yes it will take a few mins to deal with agencies on the phone - but no diff from replying on mn

This situation has been going on for over a week and nothing is solved

You need to tell dh to man up and look after /Feed his child as now on bottle - so can help with feeds at night

Sleep deprivation is horrible and often why people have night nannies to help get baby into a routine and give mum some sleep

[ReetPetit]

Just seen your mum is there 2.30-8 also....

Omg

[NorthernLurker]

It seems a bit like you're trying to replace the support you chould be getting from dh with a series of staff.

You need to sit him down and tell him you need him. He has to put work aside for a few weeks and COMMIT to his family.

Sort the AP out to take dd out after school for a few days - soft play, ice skating, zoo, museum - whatever. Give her a budget and a timescale and tell her you expect them to be out for x length of time. Personally I would get dd and AP fed in a series of restaurants too. One less thing to do in house and still cheaper than hiring more help. Then if your mum is around put her on baby duty whilst you sleep 1-6. The rest of the time then yes, you have to woman up. I KNOW it's tough but you've got a ton more help than most women in your situation. What you need is emotional support from dh, you need to feel he's in this too. If you have that I think you'll cope much better with logistics.

[Yerazig]

As everyone has said this has been going on for over a week you could of well recruited someone by now ringing an agency giving your requirements takes just as long as reading and replying to messages on mn. I would say if you do have spare money recruit a maternity nurse they specialise in newborns and especially as your baby is bottle fed will make it easier for you and enable you to get a long nap. If your au pair is good with your older child keep her on to give your continuity to your older child. If not stop moaning and get a new aupair/after school nanny temp nanny whatever you need to make your life easier.

[LowCarbHeaven]

The thing is a lot of people just have there husbands at home and most have to go back to work after a couple weeks. Being tired and sleep deprived is what you sign up too. You just have to get on with it. Do you really think its best for baby to be passed from person to person all day?

[Llareggub]

You might feel better if you look at this hour by hour. I am on my own with 2 children and sometimes the responsibility and tiredness are overwhelming.

I broke my ankle 4 weeks ago and since I live in house accessible only by steps and have DCs that need to get to school I worried about how I would keep it all going. But I did it and it was no where near as bad as I thought.

You have a lot of help already and these early newborn days will be over soon. Take each day as it comes and don't worry about the cleaning.

[IHadADreamThatWasNotAllADream]

Ring the first nanny agency with an advert in Families magazine and ask for a temp for a month. Hire the first one who turns up for interview on time not actually carrying an axe. Close MN.

In three weeks time, when you are sane and recovered, come back to this thread, read all the sensible advice and decide what to do next.

[daughterofafarmer]

Sorry, I'm confused! You have an AP and your mother but still needed extra help? What the heck does your AP do all day? What hours does your AP do? What does she do whist your DD is a school?

If you aren't happy with the set up, sort it out. Sounds like your AP has a very cushy set up, not surprised she reluctant. Either change her hours / work requirements or let her go and find someone else. I suspect the housekeeper / mothers help would be a better fit. Unless of course your AP is willing to take on extra household duties?

IMHO it sounds like you all have completely unrealistic expectations. Could it be possible that your DH is hands off because you have so much help during the day available. And maybe doesn't fully appreciate that this current set isn't working for you.

Personally I think you sound very lucky. DC2 due in 6 wks (DC1 is only 2) here I apart from 3 wk leave for DH I will have no help once he goes back to work and I'm having a CS.

Time to toughen up!

[Katiejon]

I posted cos not sure of best way of dealing with housework and childcare.
I wanted to find ways of managing and not rush into spending money on help.
I do not have more money than sense.
If I could afford it, I would have a newborn nanny and daily cleaner!
When I was sleep deprived with dd I had images of her on the floor with blood coming out of her mouth.
Have been told by psychiatrist I must sleep to avoid anxiety & hallucinating.
Also severe spd, posting cos have to lie down to stop the pain, which feels like am being pulled in half like a wishbone!!
Anxiety about DS dying stops me sleeping.
V upset cos missed miscarriage last year October AFTER seeing h\b at 8 weeks.
2 x medical management (physically agonising) then ERPC, followed by disassociation caused by severe trauma and also inflamed hip bursa, more pain.
Agree: DH needs 2 support me more, not volunteer to work on a Saturday

Am now stricter with AP, if she doesn't do the work will tell agency will either have to go home or I will have 2 reduce her hours to pay 4 cleaner. Good with children, not so keen on cleaning.

Thank u all 4 your ideas.

[Katiejon]

Agencies: ANYONE can be a nanny, doesn't need to have experience or basic hygiene training.
However, have Norland nanny coming in tomorrow cos DH working 8 till 6.
Please stop attacking me, do u know what it feels like to have terrifying images in front of your eyes, to see your baby bleeding cos u dropped them? A daytime nightmare, not a sleeping one.

[ReetPetit]

Op, many of us have lost babies etc -it doesnt stop us looking after our dc. I am a single mum of 2 and have lost pregnancies/had health issues etc. I still mabage to raise my dc alone and work 4/5 days a week.

I dont think its childcare help you need - you need to bond eith your baby, not pass him around all day.

Mayve you need to see your GP though about your mental state?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

We have told you how to deal with the situation but you keep finding reasons not to

Have you actually picked up the phone and tried calling an agency ?

I don't mean to be horrible but you have a child at school all day - an ap to pick her up/look after till bedtime

A mum who is there every afternoon to look after baby

Yet you are still not happy

I'm sorry you are sleep deprived but you have 2 children and that's something I will prob never have - you are so lucky

Count your blessings :)

We have given you solutions for the past week and you've done nothing about it

I have next week off and almost tempted to come up to you myself lol

[itshowwedo]

It sounds as though you have some medical help, which is a good thing.

If you want some reassurance, I had horrible sleep-deprived anxious hallucinations of the kind you described: they were short-lived and I went on to recover normally.

You know your DH needs to be on board. Can your psychiatrist/GP talk to him? If he took a couple of weeks leave, do you think you'd feel better? Please tell your psychiatrist about your childcare/cleaning worries too - she/he may be able to help you get them into perspective and think through what you actually need.

[HairyPorter]

All a bit complicated for me to follow. Sounds like you already have some help? What exactly are you looking for?? Nannies can be found off gumtree or childcare.co.uk or nannyjobs.co.uk (not certain of last one), but you will be the employer. Otherwise go with an agency. I can't imagine why you need an AP and a nanny and your mum though?!? Getting a nanny will surely make AP redundant?? But ultimately you need to do whatever helps you get through the newborn phase. Good luck finding someone!