Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

(213 Posts)
Katiejon Wed 20-Nov-13 16:37:39

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

HairyPorter Fri 22-Nov-13 09:59:30

All a bit complicated for me to follow. Sounds like you already have some help? What exactly are you looking for?? Nannies can be found off gumtree or or (not certain of last one), but you will be the employer. Otherwise go with an agency. I can't imagine why you need an AP and a nanny and your mum though?!? Getting a nanny will surely make AP redundant?? But ultimately you need to do whatever helps you get through the newborn phase. Good luck finding someone!

ReetPetit Fri 22-Nov-13 10:05:18

And by the title is sounds as though your dh has been there too (other than saturdays) too many cooks spoil the broth imo. Spend some time with your baby, sleep when he sleeps and get a cleaner.

Am confused by why u have your mum and an au pair! Surely one or the other would be enough. Or uour school aged child could do after school clubs??

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 22-Nov-13 10:05:27

Regards agencies - yes anyone can call their self a nanny - but you tell gency you want a qualified nanny with say 10+yrs exp and maybe 5 with new born babies

Or ask for a night nanny / mat nurse - all (like myself) will have years of exp with new borns

They are not going to send you an unqualified teenager with no baby exp

London agencies may vary but temp care costs here in kent are about 25/30 a day to the agency plus obv nanny payment

NomDeClavier Fri 22-Nov-13 10:38:45

Tell an agency what you want and they will find you someone. Yes, anyone can call themselves a nanny but only crap agencies take someone with no qualifications or experience. Eden, Greycoat, Imperial - all have reputations to uphold and won't mess around with you.

Say you want a current first aid and conpleted food hygiene. Say you want a level 3 qualification, ideally with additional courses. Say you want x amount of experience and y of that with newborns, or you want someone who has worked with a newborn and 5yo before with a post CS mother with PND.

When you get candidates through just check the CV quickly - you're looking for CACHE DCE, NVQ3, BTEC, NAMCW or NNEB in terms of qualifications. If you need to then post on MN saying 'can anyone experienced look over this CV for me?' and send them an anonymised version c&p in a PM.

But first sit down and think what you need them to do and when. Believe me when I say your AP is no good for what you need and you can find a better solution. Her wanting to stay shouldn't be a factor - you need what you need and if she can't provide it when you thought she could she has to go. She really should be able to keep your DD amused in that after-school slot.

If blondes is offering then grab her with both hands! It might cost more on the short term but you'll need less help in the long term because you'll be able to recover. I'd rather pay 4x more per week for a good extra pair of hands FT over 3 months than a year of a crap AP who also adds to the living expenses of the whole family.

It may not be help every day you need - Tuesday and Thursday full days might give you the time to rest to cope with the other days. Can the Norlander do any more hours assuming she's any good?

You do have to protect your MH but going round the carousel of childcare options isn't helping you do that. It's giving you another thing to worry and get stressed over. Is your psychiatrist managing your anxiety? I think the worry about getting no sleep is almost worse than the lack of sleep for you at the moment.

Katiejon Fri 22-Nov-13 10:48:39

Have been looking at budget.
Need mum here cos DH has been working even though supposed to be in paternity leave!
Not going round in circles, have requested advice from other mums, which has been invaluable.
Have bonded with baby.
My back is agonising from lifting him up and putting him down again.
Everyone has their own experience & problems.
Please stop criticising me until u have been in my shoes.
I want to close this thread down.
Will probably reduce ap hours to help with children and get my old cleaner in.
Thank u all.
I hope this thread will help other parents.

daughterofafarmer Fri 22-Nov-13 11:07:18

katie sorry that you have had a hard time in the past, but that was then. You need / must to look forward.

I know you will take this the wrong way, please don't it is said in kindness...but you're not thinking straight. You need to address this first by getting so sleep. You will feel much better after 4 or 5 hrs. I promise.

So get your mother to take the baby out for several hours this afternoon so you can have a proper rest without anyone in the house. AP to collect DD and take her off for the afternoon, inc supper.

Get to your GP, you need to speak things through with them. At the very least they need to be aware.

You need to tell AP, Mother and DH how you are feeling. Voice your concerns fully. Tell DH he is needed this weekend, period, end off!

Glad you have someone else coming.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 22-Nov-13 11:33:41

Thanks nom smile

Katie - no one is meaning to criticize you but you asked us for help and options and you aren't doing anything about it

This could have been resolved if you had rang an agency and requested an exp qual nanny/mat nurse

As I said sleep deprevation is awful and makes any sane person mad - let alone someone with your previous history

Tbh if your dh knows how much you worry and knows your psychiatrist tells you you need sleep to avoid some of the things you have mentioned then why the fuck isn't he helping you?

After what happened with dd he must have known this might have happened / did he want ds? As sorry but sounds to me that he doesn't care that you are having difficulties if he keeps going to work

Have you actually sat down with him and said you need him to do xyz -- some-- men have no brains lol

ReetPetit Fri 22-Nov-13 11:50:10

Daughter - op has been sleepinh 2.30-8 while mother is there looking after and bottle feeding baby and au pair had been cleaning!!

I don't think is about needimg more help - if anything op needs lesd so she can learn to parent and any help that is needed is a dofferent kind of help imo...

daughterofafarmer Fri 22-Nov-13 12:11:00

reet must have missed that..whoops. And I hate it when people don't read threads properly blush Right...well...mmm i'm not really sure what to suggest then. Yes I agree with your final comment.

Katiejon Fri 22-Nov-13 13:35:19

I haven't been sleeping 2 till 8, I take an hour to relax to sleep, (3 or 4 pm), then DD back at 4 and noise wakes me up.
Ds crying wakes me up.
Need to sleep and can then think rationally, will prob have 2 get sleeping tablets.
Mum cant take children to her house cos dad been ill with flu 4 2 weeks.

Sleep will help me.

Artandco Fri 22-Nov-13 13:49:50

I suggest you use the help you have efficiently.

Why is ap bring eldest home at 4pm if it wakes you? Get ap to collect eldest from school and take to local museum/ gallery/ park wrapped up/ cafe for dinner/ ask friends if they can visit for the next week. So they don't return home until 6pm earliest.

Get your mother to take baby out until 6pm also so he isn't crying in house if she has him anyway.

Go to sleep 2-6pm.

Katiejon Fri 22-Nov-13 13:54:44

Dd school 20 minute drive away.
£2, 000 to insure ap on car. V.cold in london to take baby out.he already has a cold.
Have asked her friends 4 after school, all say home at 4.15 and kids tired.

LePetitPrince Fri 22-Nov-13 14:03:54

A night nanny 3 times a week if you can afford it will allow you to sleep and between the AP minding your 5 yo and your mum being around, you have enough time to grab sleep. Very few APs can clean so just play to her strengths and get the old cleaner back.
I'd talk to the doc on how you are feeling too, so you get the right attention.
Good luck, early days are hard esp when ill but you will soon feel better. Take care.

threeisatragicnumber Fri 22-Nov-13 14:08:36

Is there only me that feels a bit sorry for OPs DH?

I know he doesn't sound like he's doing much to help but then again OP has:

1. DD at school
2. AP living in and doing housework
3. Mum around all afternoon (and doing school runs?)
4. Nanny to cover Saturday DH is working

DH around evenings as well, and presumably Sundays/other Saturdays days when he's not working.

And lets remember, its not like he's buggering off for a skive all day, presumably he is working hard when he is out of the house, and knackered from that?

Presuming he is responsible for keeping a roof over their heads and paying for the (not inconsiderable) amount of help OP has he might feel he needs to go into work on the Saturdays for the money? (I'm not saying its the right decision, just trying to be rational about why he would do that).

OP - does he know how angry you are about it? You need to talk to him.

ReetPetit Fri 22-Nov-13 14:10:53

hmm you just won't take any advice op, people are trying to help and nothing is getting through to you. I suspect its the same for your dh/au pair/mother.

I'm sure you know how to contact nanny agencies yourself, so do it. Let your au pair go and stop relying on your mother.

(And btw, I am also in NW London and it is NOT to cold to take a baby out - raincover, blankets, he'll be fine)

I really would suggest seeing your GP though. I don't think sleeping tablets would be prescribed to you with a young baby but as you are not breastfeeding he might be able to give you some anti depressants or something.

ReetPetit Fri 22-Nov-13 14:11:32

I agree three, poor sod sad

comemulledwinewithmoi Fri 22-Nov-13 14:18:05

I can't actually believe some of you are telling op to women up! Walk a mile in my shoes and all that. Your dh is a knob.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 22-Nov-13 14:18:52

My offer still stands op - you can have me this week 3/4nights - sun mon tue and thur night

You are further then I normally travel (hr) but if you are happy to pay something towards travel costs then send me a message and I can tell you more about me

I rough it quite happily on the sofa smile tho en suite kingsiZe beds also fine smile

Hope norlander is helpful tomorrow

comemulledwinewithmoi Fri 22-Nov-13 14:24:17

I think op, you are crying out for help as right now you can't cope. This will get better over time. Get rid if au pair, ring nanny agency. Or think about a doula. Good luck. I do feel for you.

Artandco Fri 22-Nov-13 14:25:20

20 min drive away - can they go on a bus? London is very well connected.

It's cold in London but not cold enough not to go out with baby. He won't go outside for 4 months otherwise! Def get your mum to take him out either in sling with hat and wrapped under her coat or in pram in foot muff with hat and blankets and hood up. She could take him for a walk through a park and head to a cafe herself once he is asleep.

If nothing above is poss just call a large agency ie greatcoat and ask for a night nanny for the next few weeks.

However, I don't mean to be blunt but babies don't sleep all night but usually do sleep a lot. Can you not just keep baby in your room next to your bed so you can just feed him from in bed/ and let him lie on you

rockybalboa Fri 22-Nov-13 14:31:39

I'd love 5 hours solid sleep. DS3 is 4 months old. Zzzzzz. I don't really understand why your AP can't manage both children for a few hours, is the older one really such a handful?

Katiejon Fri 22-Nov-13 14:32:56

Masses of ideas.Thank u.
2 x buses and a long walk at the end 4 skool.

LeBearPolar Fri 22-Nov-13 14:34:01

I think people are telling the OP to woman up because so many of us have experienced the things she is talking about, have not been able to afford extra help so have just muddled through as best we can with very little sleep and so on.

The OP seems to have help coming out of her ears and still demands more. When I had a newborn, I would have given a lot to just have that hour to relax that she says she has during the day, never mind all the other help she has.

ReetPetit Fri 22-Nov-13 14:34:56

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 22-Nov-13 14:36:47

Rocky - ap wouldn't have both children as durin the day dd5yrs is at school and granny there in afternoon to have baby

So ap does nothing 9-3 (normal for aps) and then should be able to look after 5yr 3/7

If dd is too noisey and wakes you then wear earplugs as your mum is there for bubs or get ap to take out to soft play centre /swimming pool / cafe for lunch

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now