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Just been told I have bpd.

(13 Posts)
selfdestructivelady Tue 12-Nov-13 16:30:42

I have name changed for this I feel so angry and sad. It Feels wrong it childlike someone is saying there is something wrong with my personality.

I do get emotional and have abandonment issues. I self harm and take part in necklace behaviour but I'm very upset by this.

selfdestructivelady Tue 12-Nov-13 16:32:11

It feels like not childlike and reckless not necklace bloody auto correct.

selfdestructivelady Wed 13-Nov-13 08:24:51


SweetCarolinePomPomPom Wed 13-Nov-13 09:26:53

Oh my goodness I was just about to google 'necklace behaviour' thinking it might be some weird deviant sexual practice. grin

I am sorry, this is a shock and of course you are finding it hard to deal with. It's understandable, as it's not a very attractive label to have slapped on you, and one that many will not have much empathy for, or understanding of.

I am not an professional/expert but I do know a bit about BPD, (for reasons I wish I didn't have) and I think most people with BPD have had trauma in their early childhood that affects the way they relate to others. Or at least most people who have had trauma in their childhoods will end up with something akin to a BPD, anyway.

Which is very sad of course, but the awkward truth is that many people (not all) with bpd do go on to seriously lead total car-crash lives where they damage others in a cycle of dysfunction, so it can be hard for someone who has been on the receiving end of that (as I have, indirectly) to see it as an illness or a vulnerability on the sufferer's part rather than a serious character flaw, or a get out of jail free card for awful behaviour. Of course like all forms of psychological disorder/mental illness it is very complex to unravel and is not as simple as x= vulnerable victim, y=nasty toxic person.

I think you need to spend some time getting to know your diagnosis in all its guises, and learning to recognise where you fit into it, and it into you. Not everyone with BPD will be the same. BPD will mean that you struggle to regulate your emotions and to temper your responses to stressful situations, and that you probably have some boundary issues. (I'm sure you are already well aware of that!) That is not to say that you necessarily damage others with your behaviour; perhaps the only person you harm is yourself. But you need to be honest with yourself. There is probably a little bit of BDP in most of us - it's just a bit more obvious in some than others!

Try not to see this diagnosis as a harsh criticism of you, but instead look on it as an explanation for why you do certain things, and use it as the key to understanding whatever emotional baggage you carry around with you that weighs you down and affects your quality of life, and work forward from there.

But I would just like to add that whatever caused this in you, no matter how difficult for you it has been to deal with your own issues, if you have caused major problems for others with your behaviour then PLEASE PLEASE own it, accept it, and work on it, for their sakes, as well as for your own. I think that recognizing that will be an important part of helping you to get better. Being in denial is not good for anyone. Good luck.

Tiredemma Wed 13-Nov-13 09:31:43

Maybe it will be easier for you to access appropriate therapies now that you have a clear diagnosis?

SaucyJack Wed 13-Nov-13 13:38:45

Please ignore SweetCaroline- those kind of perjorative and ignorant attitudes are sadly the worst thing about BPD.

For some reason, BPD is one of the very few illnesses out there where family members/health care professionals/society at large feels entitled to blame the sufferer for the effects of their illness and make it all about them instead in a way they wouldn't dream of doing if you had bipolar/anorexia/asd or whatever instead.

SaucyJack Wed 13-Nov-13 13:41:18

Also, if it's the term personality disorder you (quite reasonably) object to, then there are other more modern names the NHS use that you might prefer instead. Our PCT calls it Emotional Intensity Disorder for ex.

FreezingFingers Wed 13-Nov-13 14:23:23

I've just been diagnosed too OP (although mine calls it Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder)
I've been through quite a spectrum of emotions in the 2 weeks since I was told (even more so than usual grin ) but my psychiatrist made a big thing of telling me that it didn't mean there was something wrong with all of me just because it was called a personality disorder (can't remember his exact words but he was very lovely about it)

tigerlillyd02 Wed 13-Nov-13 15:14:01

I have a partner who has more than likely got BPD but been avoiding the diagnosis for several reasons - partly my fault as I've not understood it. We're at a point now where we're wondering how to backtrack and obtain assessment and diagnosis before something else happens.

It is not an easy relationship to be in and my energy is drained very quickly to the point I run out of options and come 'down' too and feel depressed.

Due to recent events, I have done some research and my eyes are beginning to open about why she behaves as she does and realising that some of my automatic responses are sometimes not helpful. I have been taking everything far too personally and become frustrated, angry and extremely hurt as I have been 'judging' her words and actions against what 'most others' would do, rather than what someone with possible BPD would do.

I have found that dialectial behaviour therapy has been proven to considerably help sufferers of BPD. Some people have been cured entirely but most others manage to lead a normal, controlled and more stable life providing they see the therapy through. Many people suffering BPD have been through years of different types of counselling and get to a point they feel frustrated so when a new therapy is offered, they think "whats the point" (understandably) and so lack the motivation to go.

If you have a partner or close family members, it also helps if they can learn what dialectial behaviour therapy involves so that they can put it into practice on a day to day basis with you also. Family members spend so much more time with you generally and so better equipped to help you with the therapy in between sessions.

I have heard reviews that the following books are beneficial to help a sufferer of BPD. It probably works best alongside actual dialectial behaviour therapy but can also be used as a tool alone to help you work trough emotions at home. One is a book, the other an actual workbook that requires your input, the other a diary so you can keep track of your emotions whilst going through this therapy.




There are several books to help 'loved ones' of BPD sufferers too and I can link a couple of good ones if you need me to.

I am on a learning journey with this myself and have asked myself: do I really need this or should I walk now? I KNOW the road is going to be rocky along the way. But someone with BPD are not their illness entirely. They are also kind, funny, can be incredibly loving and caring, are clever, sensitive, and have so much potential. It is these qualities we fall in love with and I am confident that, with the correct help, these qualities will shine above and beyond those that stem from BPD.

Can I ask where abouts you are? It might be beneficial to meet someone suffering from the same illness. You are not alone.

selfdestructivelady Wed 13-Nov-13 16:52:05

Thanks for all replies yes my partner struggles to cope with my extreme emotions. My necklace behaviour and self destructive actions. I'm from south Wales if your close tigerlilly.

Your posts have meant a lot and yes I prefer the term emotionally unstable disorder. It's good to come on here I did feel so alone now I realise I'm not really.

selfdestructivelady Wed 13-Nov-13 16:52:51

There is goes again reckless not necklace.

BelleOfTheBorstal Wed 13-Nov-13 17:01:14

There is a very good support thread for people with this diagnosis or traits akin to it. Might be worth searching for and reading.
I personally view diagnoses as a way for the people working with you to help themselves. So yes it's a label but it doesn't change who or what you are.

crimsonwitch Fri 15-Nov-13 02:16:53

Hey, I was given my diagnosis a few months ago, and I am beginning to come to terms with it. I view it as a gateway to the help I need. I am in the waiting list for DBT and I am taking medication, but still struggling with regulating my emotions. My bpd has also been re-branded as emotional instability disorder.

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