Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.
So. Whar's wrong with me then.(22 Posts)
I can't tell you what's "wrong" with you but if you feel there is something wrong and it is making your life hard to live/manage, making you feel depressed, anxious or leading you to behave in ways which are reckless or harmful then I would recommend you go and speak to your GP.
My first thought is bi polar? Go to go and tell them what you've told us.
Google bi polar, you can do a test online but go is way to go.
i can't diagnose you but i do think you should see your gp and ask specifically for a referral to a psychiatrist. tell them about your moods and past and try to be assertive. you sound like you're feeling uncomfortable and you are entitled to help. good luck.
I would definitely go and see the GP and ask for a referral to mental health team. I think printing this out would be a good idea - make sure you don't forget anything or be 'talked out of it' by your GP.
I don't see Bipolar in what you describe. It sounds more like you are carrying a lot of shit from your childhood that's impacting on how you manage your life now.
Rather than meds, I'd be looking at getting a referral for CBT, for example, which can help you challenge the way you think about yourself and react to situations and help you be able to communicate more effectively so you don't have to let it all out with spending or other behaviours that make you feel good in the short term, but are harmful long term.
First stop is your GP to ask for a referral, either to a psych or for counselling. If you can have an assessment with one or the other then its a good first step.
Take a look at This page on the Mind website and see what you think.
You're not being ridiculous. Persist with the GP. If you can afford it what about getting some private counseling. It might help you to have somebody supportive/non-judgemental to unburden to, with the added bonus of their insight into what might be going on.
A friend of mine and her DH recently had some counseling through Relate and the counselor suggested her DH might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not saying that you have this just that sometimes a good or experienced counselor will be able to identify a potential diagnosis. My friend's DH eventually got a referral to his Community Mental Health Team went on to get treatment.
You sound very switched on, and sensible to me - I wonder whether that's what the CBT therapist got...the sensible, good you agreeing with her.
I've been recently to CBT therapy, and it is mostly about building self esteem, and realising how you are worth something, not just "pulling yourself together because you should". She didn't sound like a very good CBT therapist to me, or very empathetic...
OR, what might have happened is that she made you feel bossed around again and you interpreted what she said to mean that she' didn't care or listen, rather than placing her faith in your talents.
I think you do go through a phase with CBT or any counselling process which you feel the professional just doesn't understand what you are talking about, or just that they are "talking talking talking" and aren't listening.
There is a book on Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell which shows the ways we build up a negative picture of ourselves and feel defeated at the thought of escaping. CBT is breaking negative thought patterns.
It is much harder than you might think because it is sometimes easier to just give up and accept that one can't change. But I bet you can, you sound like a person with loads to give.
please do try again - i have had some really amazing therapy that has totally changed my life but before i found the right therapist/approach/treatment i saw lots of professionals and i felt like you, that the professionals i saw didn't "get" me or made assumptions that i thought were wrong about me. please persevere and i'm sure you will get the help you need.
Btw, alcohol has much the same effect on me (not badly, but enough for me to notice I get gobby and ranting), but you wouldn't know it now, as I have essentially stopped drinking. All alcohol is doing is releasing the iron hold you have on yourself, to "be good" "keep quiet". You have to allow yourself to have a voice without alcohol, and learn that you are allowed to have fun without it being "the roller coaster". You can be funny you can be opinionated you can have a voice.
Is there a way you can relax and do something enjoyable which isn't about alcohol - perhaps running around with children outside even..I found that a tonic. Or talking with friends over tea. (I know it sounds mundane but it takes a while to think of other "fun" stuff to replace nights out)
I thought "avoidant personality disorder" from what you said, and you could try taking the test here to get an idea similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html
However nothing can substitute from getting a personalised assessment and some real help, go back, keep trying, and be sure to be clear you've had these issues long before becoming a mum.
I really think that you need to see a doctor, you cannot diagnose yourself online - and that personality disorder test had me with pretty much every personality disorder listed - i thnk i may as well done heats magazines celebrity alike test tbh.
Go to your GP and explain what you have explained here and they will refer you to the apporpriate person for an assesment, then you can discuss what you would lke to happen in terms of counselling etc to help you cope wth things. You don't necessarily have a personality disorder.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.