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Relapse. What do you do?

(44 Posts)
TheOrchardKeeper Fri 08-Nov-13 21:24:36

Not sure what to do.

Just sort of bumbling along. I'm on ADs and take a beta blocker for anxiety too and it's been helping (along with being in hospital for a bit). I realized that isolation was a key factor in why I got ill etc but have been jobhunting for a few weeks and just feel overwhelmed. I'm so lonely all day & sick of my own company. I live in a 1 bed bungalow with DS and am looking for somewhere to rent privately so we have more room but no one will accept housing benefit, especially as i'm jobless atm.

It just feels like too much and all the progress i've made has started coming undone. DS isn't sleeping well either and I can just feel myself getting 'numb' again and not caring/wanting to do anything. I've been discharged from the crisis team as I was doing better so not sure it warrants calling them, until it's worse anyway. I don't really know who to contact. I could go back to my GP I guess on Monday and tell them this but i'm not sure what they can do.

I keep having intrusive thoughts about having a 'window of opportunity' when DS's dad has him tomorrow night which I've not had the urge to do/thought about much since leaving hospital.

wontletmesignin Sat 09-Nov-13 07:50:04

Pleased to hear that you are feeling a little better. Maybe when your son goes today you could get your head down for a bit.
Dont forget that your partner could give you extra support if and when its needed. Im sure he would like to help.

Keep talking and stay strong xx

TheOrchardKeeper Sat 09-Nov-13 07:56:41

Thanks. He does lend a hand.

I'm going to try and nap for an hour later then I'm meant to be going into town with DP to watch a film. I really don't feel like it but am making myself go anyway. I might enjoy it!

wontletmesignin Sat 09-Nov-13 08:23:28

That is very good. I know how hard it is to fight against the negatives.
You know you will probably feel better after going out and so you are going against everything inside you do follow through on this.

Really, well done! This shows how well you are doing with your progress.
Keep this up and you will be feeling better in no time!

Hope you have a great time today, which im sure you will :-) xx

TheOrchardKeeper Sat 09-Nov-13 09:24:15

Thank you. I suppose it is good that i'm doing things I don't feel up to. If I was at my worst I'd be pretty much housebound by it. Hope you have a good saturday yourself. Thanks again brew

wontletmesignin Sat 09-Nov-13 09:31:52

You are welcome. Be proud of yourself for the progress you have made. Thank you :-) make it your mission today to enjoy your day :-)

wontletmesignin Sat 09-Nov-13 16:59:11

Hope you have had a good day and are feeling better xxx

wontletmesignin Sun 10-Nov-13 09:44:48

Hiya. How are you feeling today? X

TheOrchardKeeper Sun 10-Nov-13 21:41:13

A little better thanks. I feel strange really. The sense of everything being unreal has come back.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 11-Nov-13 09:13:31

Last night was horrible. I felt really anxious before bed and my chest hurt & I had to concentrate really hard to not have a panic attack. I could feel my heart thudding away even though I was lying still. Eventually got to sleep but then had horrible dreams that I kept drifting in and out of but not enough to fully wake up and shake it off. Haven't had a night like that in almost a month!

I can't shake the feeling of everything being unreal. I've had these feelings on/off when very stressed/anxious/depressed since I was about 13 but haven't experience it in ages.

Brittapie Mon 11-Nov-13 09:20:17

Could you manage to make an emergency appointment with your GP? They can speed up referrals and maybe give you a short course of a stronger medication, and I've found the crisis team to be fairly useless tbh - I've had them out maybe 10 or 15 times and they have been of any use maybe half of the time, so i go to my own MH team (but it sounds like you're not under anyone yet), GP, NHS direct or a+e instead quite often, depending on the situation.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 11-Nov-13 09:23:30

I'm on 30mg of Mirtazipine (an anti depressant) & Beta Blockers (for the anxiety) & it's working fine. I don't think it's the medication. I'm not sure what the GP could do? And yes, I think the crisis team were shit the other night & it's put me off contacting them again.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 11-Nov-13 09:31:16

In all honesty, I feel like I came out of hospital too fast and am still a slight suicide risk. But I don't want DS taken off me or to have to break it to my family so I'm just plodding along.

My mum looked after DS when I was in hospital a few weeks ago but she's got an OP coming up this month so she'll be incapacitated anyway. Ds's dad might be able to have him for a bit.

I keep wanting to hurt myself because everything feels so unreal & I keep thinking about going into town and stockpiling pills so I have a 'safety net' if it all gets too much. It's just such an uncomfortable, distressing feeling. I barely feel a thing when DS/DP hugs me etc. It's horrible.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 11-Nov-13 10:08:47

I feel like I've been discharged from the community MH team and am back to being an LP to DS with no support whilst i'm still fairly ill. I'm waiting for this elusive bloody therapy too... hmm

And the crisis team don't want to know really. I'm back to being really isolated, which was partly the cause anyway. I'm jobhunting but it'll take a while and I'm not sure i'll hold in there til then really.

wontletmesignin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:47:39

It sounds to me as though you feel you have been treated pretty badly by the MH team. I am sorry you feel like that. :-(

I kknow you say this isnt the medication, but could it not just be them kicking into your system?

I know when i needed meds for anxiety, i was taken them when i felt i needed them. Then stopping when i felt ok. I didnt realise at the time i was making myself ten times worse.

Could you give yourself a little more time, and tlc. Try not to think of how the MH team have let you down. I know my ex used to drag himself into deeper moods when he was feeling let down by them.

It does drag you down because it isnt easy asking for help. Then for when you do, they make you feel like they dont care as much as you do.
I understand how they make you feel (hugs).

The most important thing to do during your wait, is to get in touch with them, get on to your gp, and dont hesitate to go to a&e if you feel you need to.

You arent alone though. You are doing all that you can to help yourself get better. You need to do things that make you feel good.
Put some gold music on and dance, dance, dance. That always makes me feel better :-)

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 12-Nov-13 17:12:08

Thank you. Was readmitted yesterday. Wasn't expecting that when i went to the doctors!

wontletmesignin Tue 12-Nov-13 17:21:49

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Sorry to hear that you have been readmitted. But you said yourself, you feel they let you go too soon.
Hopefully this will help you out more xxx

ColouringInQueen Tue 12-Nov-13 17:39:40

Hope you have a helpful stay orchard, rest as much as you can. Thinking of you.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 12-Nov-13 18:01:55

Thank you.

There's a few issues that need addressing before i go back, then i should have a clear run for a few months at home so i can fully recover.

fluffydressinggown Tue 12-Nov-13 18:18:14

I have read but not commented on your thread. I am so sorry you have been re-admitted, I hope it is a helpful and peaceful time for you. x

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