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if you feel those winter blues, move to our Village, spread the news!

(1000 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Sun 20-Oct-13 23:22:09

new thread losing track but i think this might be our 7th!

all welcome. old and new. This is a supportive place for anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue.

im on Sertraline (ADs) and have been since last December. I had 6 months off work with depression and anxiety and the ladies on these threads kept me going.

Feel free to post, to comment, to ask questions, or just to lurk and feel less alone.
everyone in the village is lovely.

ColouringInQueen Tue 22-Oct-13 18:40:28

Thanks guaparesaca my dh has been on a big journey since a period of severe depression last year, cbt proving massively effective for him. But its getting too much for me now. Yes to the withdrawing. I feel like i need some space from him. Contemplating the spare room but its v messy...

Interesting to hear yr a counsellor too - and encouraging to hear that its not only me who finds it easier to give advice wink

Do you find the lumie helps? I am recovering from a severe depression at the beginning of the year but I always struggle at this time of year anyway.

Hi lem glad you're holding up. Maybe see you later.

Thanks all

LEMisdisappointed Tue 22-Oct-13 21:15:51

Phew - what a day confused We are having trouble getting money from DPs old employer, he owes us £1000 we can't afford to let that go! Turns out one of his companies has gone into liquidation and he is trading under a very similar name - it might mean that we have little chance of getting it. Can't believe companies can just do this - always the little people (like me) who have to just lump it, while they are swanning off on holidays and playing bloody golf angry So spent half the morning in the CAB only to be told what we already knew - nice coffee and cake wtih DP after that though, Then PFA meeting (yawn). Then my bloody mother, i mean, she really takes the biscuit - i take her dog out because she has hurt her back out and can't take him (long story with my mother im sure some of you remember). So today i get home from school/meeting and DP said he saw my mum out with the dog hmm So i said, i better go round anyway - my motehr had the right hump, said the dog wet indoors because i didnt go round in time - err, he goes in the garden, didn't tell me she had only just took him out and actually let me take him out again (i was too gobsmacked to say anything, even though i was clearly flustered and knackered, she still let me take him and then moaned again about his smelly blanket hmm)

No wine in the house, probably a good thing.

CiQ i am sorry you are feeling this way about your DH, is there any way you could get away for a bit? I know its complicated.

Ed - so proud of you!!! I am definately not going to be a teacher, im not sure i feel sad about anymore though!

Snowy <hugs>

Love to all x

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 22-Oct-13 22:54:25


colouring sorry to hear you are finding things with dh a strain at the moment. i think the only time dh and i really argued was when i was in the throes of depression.

space sounds like a good idea - could you sell it to him? could you stay with family or friends just for a weekend?

hi and welcome to gu....(and that is as much of your username as i can remember of the top of my head - apologies!)

ed - i can really relate to what you say about the job - thinking you werent going back but not being allowed to quit while ill.....snap. but im actually glad now that i didnt do anything rash. i still dont find it easy - but im learning.

could you all do me a favour......i have some paperwork around DS disability that i have sat and looked at for 2 months now.....
i NEED to sort it.
my head just isnt in it, but if i dont do it he will lose some money ....please kick me up the jacksie and help me get my motivated head on....
i also need to phone the insurance company about my washer
AND my car insurance is due - ive tried to do the whole go compare thing and its just a ball ache - i rang the cheapest company that id heard of....they kept adding stuff on and adding stuff on until the quote was almost at much as my renewal! its a bloody 12 year old corsa worth a grand if that.....

all i can concentrate on for now is the fluffy pup that is coming home on saturday.....

LEMisdisappointed Tue 22-Oct-13 23:09:34

go to compare the market and you'll get a cute meerkat for the pup to play wth smile Or alternatively use a site you've used before then you don't have to bother about putting all your details in. It doesn't matter that you haven't done the form yet - you'll do it in time. It will get to the point where you'll think, right - this needs done now and it will be sorted. That might be tomorrow because then there will be no elephant in the room on saturday when the pup comes home - have you thought of a name yet?

mamakoukla Wed 23-Oct-13 01:45:56

Good day all. Happy to hear from you all and welcome to Guapa.

Ed, lovely to hear your news. Stay strong and remember to be gentle to yourself.

Colouring, that is tough. Could you make some space and quiet for yourself? As Vicar suggests possibly an away visit. I have had the fortune to go visit a friends family. Peace and some of the best sleep in ages. In part I think it was because I was away and also mentally away from the usual.

LEM, sorry about that news. I did perk up at the mention of cake blush

My day was okayish but I hit a couple of glitches and it started a whole load of negativity. Trying to figure some things out and feeling like I am missing something obvious and therefore I am inept etc. Big paddle in hand and trying to squish unhelpful thoughts away.

Good things today - my family, the lovely cold wind on my face as I walked, dinner.

Take care all. Thinking of you Snowy.

I will be back later to nudge/prod the Vicar smile

mamakoukla Wed 23-Oct-13 01:50:43

Having read through this page again, I agree with Vicar re. the still learning bit. In part at the moment I am trying to relearn how to live and reshape. Acceptance does help but how can I help myself to nit give negative thoughts importance?

LEMisdisappointed Wed 23-Oct-13 08:26:26

Mama I know what you mean. I can be getting along fine then something happens that triggers the negative thoughts and I feel like I have slipped back. But realistically, everyone has negative thoughts the key is to listen to them then agree with the things you can change into positives as they are useful. The ones you cant change tell them to "do one".

I have been trying to remember this prayer -
lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changr. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Something like that smile

ColouringInQueen Wed 23-Oct-13 08:55:20

Lem that is rubbish. And you're right it is always the "little" people that suffer... nice to hear you at least had cake with dh.

Your mum sounds like a piece of work confused

Getting away is tempting but not really practical. We're all away at the weekend visiting family but actually that's ok cos it then means its not just dh and me. I think I'm going to request a day to myself at half term...

ColouringInQueen Wed 23-Oct-13 09:07:47

Tech glitch - my reply to lem only seems to have been posted this morn. I think I will tidy up the spare room and move in there for starters.

I keep thinking back to a conversation I had with a friend before dh and I got married, I was saying I couldn't be bothered to talk to him, she said maybe he wasn't the right one for me. But the thought of going back to square one (and stay living at home even longer) was too awful to bear.

I find it v hard to talk about irl because everyone says how great it is he's so much better, got loads going on, interesting to talk to etc.. Imy counselor thinks I have been squashing all these thoughts down because I think I shouldn't have them (def true), but they're real and need acknowledging. I have no idea what to do tho.feels a bit like everythings crashing down around me, and I spent all yest with tears in my eyes. Like vicar said I also don't know how much is the depression talking. But the reality I am a lot better when I'm not in his company. Just don't want to be around him at the moment.

Sorry for big splurge but it does really help getting it down.

Vicar, mama, lem thanks for your thoughts. Sorry I havent responded to yr posts at mo.

Take care all x

mindlessmama Wed 23-Oct-13 10:46:50

Don't mind me, just sneaking in while no one is looking wink ... Carry on as you were...

LEMisdisappointed Wed 23-Oct-13 10:59:08

Trouble is wth sneaking in is that someone will always grab you and offer you a drink,,,,,,,,next thing you know,,,,,,,ts later on and you've shared your story and feel much better x

DumDum32 Wed 23-Oct-13 12:54:27

afternoon all,

sorry haven't responded to any posts been a but like a headless chicken!

I've been sprung with the task of gathering all my info re housing to produce in front of a panel tomorrow & this has completely thrown me off. the voices aren't helping & I'm fInding myself getting angrier & angrier as the day goes on. didnt get much sleep last night either as I feel so stressed - my eyes look they are going to pop out of their sockets! I mean j don't even know y I'm bothering as I know I'm only pitching myself up for a potential fall but then I think I gotta do it before I end up killing my family both emotionally & physically.

I've smoked about 20 cigs & punched into the wall a couple times. I need to calm the f**k down. someone kindly give me a good shake!!!!

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 23-Oct-13 13:25:59

dumdum thats sounds incredibly stressful - just think - it will be over and done with before you know it - just a snippet in time.

lem i forgot to say (i think?) that i hope you get the money you are owed soon. Thats too much to write off....i dont know how people have the bare faced cheek to start up again knowing they owe money.

mindlessnana - pull up a pew, grab a cuppa.

mama your posts are always really profound and always make me feel like ive had a virtual hug....i love the solidarity on here. x

well, i had better get my act together and get ready for work. ive done one thing on my list of "to dos" which was phone the washer repair man.

the form for ds is still sat there....and so is the car insurance. but i will get around to them.

right. better scoot.

snowy - hugs if you are still reading - are you an in patient at the moment?

love to everyone useless at name checking....but im thinking of you all.

DumDum32 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:48:21

thanks vicar - that gave me a new perspective on the situation. ur right about snippets in time it's only going to be a 30 mins meeting! I've calm down a bit since as I've made calls to my MH Team & Dr to get some copy of reports/letters and the MH Team sent it via email to me smile Dr has printed it off & my bro just picked it up smile that never happens to me I always get told it'll take 5-10 working days. so I'm pleased I've got my most recent medical reports! I've just gotta print off various emails from people who have been involved but done nothing & whilst I've been going through them I've been conversing with "my voices" at how terrible they all sound (so hopefully all that should go in my favour). the final task will be the hardest and that is produce a timeline of what has happened over the past 3 year's sad BUT I'm hoping to get it all done by tonight. I need a bit of a break now so going to have a brew & maybe cake.... come join me guys smile

LEM - so sorry ur being cheated out of money. I get so angry when companies do this. pay ur hard working employees before u start a new business to screw more ppl out of moneyangry

Snowy - sending best wishes thanks & thinking of u.

<<<big hugs to all>>>

hoochymama1 Wed 23-Oct-13 15:48:32

Hmm Ciq hmm When I went for counselling at the first MH nosedive, 3 years ago, she brought up issues with my dh that I found really uncomfortable. I became aware of his controlling ways, and the way I 'stroked' his ego and pandered to him to the neglect of my own needs. As time has gone on, I've got more assertive and 'selfish'. It takes time to change, and start considering our own needs. It's a good thing, but its hard to change confused

Sorry to hear about the pooey day, Lem, and sympathies, Dum,

Lots of cake and brew for snowy <<hugs>> smile

DismemberedDwerf Wed 23-Oct-13 16:03:17

Oh, I thought this was a thread about an actual village with some sort of miracle properties for people who need sunlight!

(in my defense, I have a headache and the light outside is dim dim dim.)

I have a sunlamp, it's on a timer to come on with the alarm, without it, I don't have a hope in hell of getting up before dawn. I'm dreading the clocks going back.

LEMisdisappointed Wed 23-Oct-13 16:18:08

Dismembered, it IS an actual village grin. It has miracle properties for those who need support, including those who need the sun! Nice of you to drop by, now you're here, why don't you stay?

DismemberedDwerf Wed 23-Oct-13 19:17:44

Cool, I'll take the creepy falling-down cottage by the graveyard.
moves in

mamakoukla Wed 23-Oct-13 20:06:49

Passes some cobwebs and a pumpkin to D'Dwarf as a housewarming present.... sorry but could not resist!

CIQ I think you should book (not ask) for a day for yourself. I have done that very rarely but when I do I plan it. Even half a day to myself can make a difference. As difficult as things are at the moment, go carefully and slowly re. DH. I found that at my harder moments I tended to shut people and things out, went a bit 'numb' if you will. I so wanted to leave everybody and everything but I knew I could not (if that makes sense). I am in a much better place, I feel a lot more affection towards my family. If I had locked them out, they would not be here now. It is a very tough emotion to go through so please take your time and focus on looking after you rather than necessarily trying to mend relationships. I don't mean neglect them but perhaps they don't have the right perspective at the moment because you need to look after you and that needs the energy and strength you do have. Maybe a bit spent? - I hope I make sense. I waffle a bit.--a lot if you ask DH--

LEM a bit better today. I told myself I had to be positive; dust myself down and try again. And yes, it IS an actual village. I have used it as a helping technique of sorts to help surround myself with support when in a bad spot. No, I actually imagine the village complete with people. It honestly works grin

DumDum that's good progress smile. I have been storing things like that to remind me that even in not so great things I can achieve what seemed impossible. I hear you about the timeline but once it is done, it will be a relief

Hoochy that really makes sense. If you don't mind, what helped you most in bringing about that change? What was the hardest?

MM I saw you sneak in! Have a biscuit and tea.

.... nudges the Vicar...... good work. Get the money form done.... that's a BIG one for your family. And it's only filling in a form. You know where the info is. Take care.

mamakoukla Wed 23-Oct-13 20:20:15

Hugs to all and to fellow lurkers

DumDum32 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:10:03

oh my gosh I deserve a massive wine glass for what I've done today! actually a glass won't do <<< opens the bottle & gulps the content down>>>

welcome to our village DDwerf you will like our crazy bunch grin don't all kick me at once for saying that.

I've just completed the tinge line with much needed help from brother now my body shattered & brain is mush & is crying for bed sad

Mama ur right about the whole going numb thing I did that when I had my breakdown but mine was the extreme I just stopped talking. even ignores my little DD (only 2 and half at the time) & that makes me tearful everytime I think back at it sad CIQ what u said before makes complete sense & like mama said u gotta make time for yourself u u will burn out.

I'm gonna bid you all a good night before I drop. stay safe all smile

ColouringInQueen Wed 23-Oct-13 23:47:36

Thanks dumdum and mama yes I will book a day for me.

I'm really aware of not saying too much to dh now, because the things I would say would be very tough. But I don't know how I can keep going. Just in from a night out with friends and I was just cringing at most things he said. I feel like I just dont like him any more. Was quiet at meal cos my head is just not in a good place with this. Is it the relationship making me have depressive symptoms or is it the depression coming back with the autumm? My head is spinning in a bad way I dont feel quite in control. Haven't slept properly the last two nights which isn't helping. I am shutting off very much from dh as I haven't got the energy to engage with him and I don't want to listen to him.

dumdum well done on getting all that paperwork sorted

Welcome ddwerf you've found a great supportive place.

Hi to everyone. Night x

hoochymama1 Thu 24-Oct-13 09:46:46

Good morning villagers, better day today re sunlight.Oops, it shows up the cobwebs thlsmile
Ciq hope you had a good night. Just look after yourself and don't overthink things.
I got v angry with dh at the counselling stage, and I think it was me realising a lot about our relationship. With all our problems I had just got into coping mode, and acted like a doormat for a quiet life. I started with drawing from him and putting my own needs first, saying and doing what I wanted. He got v frightened and thought I was going to leave. But I was redefining the boundaries of our relationship. This is a sign of you getting better.
Cradle yourself, be kind, just take it a day at a time.

Love and hugs to everyone today thlgrin Hee hee I like these..

LEMisafucker Thu 24-Oct-13 10:33:39

Hi guys - feeling a little bit crap today, the whole hoohaa with the site is not doing me good at the moment so i am going to go and clean my front room (you can't actually open the door its so cluttered (with DPs tools and shit) - my mum is getting me down too, big time - i spend the whole day dreading going there

DismemberedDwerf Thu 24-Oct-13 10:52:51

When I'm depressed I disconnect too. It's actually a massive symptom for me. It's like I am overwhelmed by life and I just go inwards. Recently I reconciled with my ex-h. We broke up a couple years ago when I was just getting over a bad bout. It lasted barely six weeks before I was back in the throes of depression again - not all his fault, he's not abusive or anything, I think fundamentally we just want different sorts of relationships - I stopped eating and became rather monotone. People noticed. We split again and I am very much less stressed for it. I find I know myself well enough these days to keep an equilibrium but it doesn't take much to throw it off. I've had twenty-odd years of dealing with the shite inside my head, but sometimes it gets wearisome.

Thanks for the welcome smile

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