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I am really beginning to regret my decision...

(10 Posts)
filee777 Sun 20-Oct-13 08:12:42

To have my mother in our lives.

She has just emailed my husbands account, I check his account regularly but I have had her emails go to a different file so I dont have to see them unless I want to.

She also sent a 'breezy' email on the anniversary of my daughters death. I know she is trying to be supportive but it is NOT helping. I have been off work for the last 2 weeks with depression and I am waiting for a mental health assessment.

She just makes me anxious and sad, whenever she contacts. Now she wants to 'skype' the children and DH, being totally un-savvy with computers would struggle to work out how to do that. I thought she was going to send them letters and cards occasionally, I didnt think it would suddenly become monthly skype meetings.

I dont know what to do, I have so much going on, emergency Psyche appointment on Monday and uni stuff going on. plus I'll have to have a 'back to work' interview soon which i am nervous about.

I dont want to feel like an arsehole but I just dont want this level of contact right now.

Misfitless Sun 20-Oct-13 09:07:26

Sounds awful for you, can't begin to imagine, filee.
Could you suggest how beneficial for your DCs, writing letters, exchanging photos, and making phone calls would be? Are your DCs old enough to write and read letters?
Without the background it's hard to know what to suggest, but you need to protect yourself from all the negativity that your mother brings, I think.
Could your DH have a word on your behalf? How far away is your mum? Do you worry that she will have the same effect on your DCs?

Misfitless Sun 20-Oct-13 09:10:45

Re letters - no one else writes to them, it would be really special for them to receive their own post....they're a bit shy about speaking on Skype ...? Is this feasible? How old are the DCs? What kind of relationship do they have?

filee777 Sun 20-Oct-13 09:51:49

The children are 1&3, so any contact would have to be through us.

I assumed that she was going to send them letters/cards etc and we would read them to them. Obviously she wants a bit more contact than that.

She lives in Australia, our last conversation was in September and was very good for me and I was feeling really quite guilty about not seeing her, she had seen the children and my husband the weekend before and I was feeling very low. She basically told me that she wouldnt ever acknowledge my abuse as abuse because 'i wasn't taken into hospital enough' or whatever she was bleating on about. I was trying to tell her that I had obviously had issues that were ignored or we wouldnt be having these conversations and I would have the issues that I have/had.

Anyway, it was good for me because I no longer feel guilty about not seeing her. Its just that she seems to want this ongoing contact with the children which i can understand but is a bit oppressive for me.

I am not worried about her having the same relationship with the children, we would never let anyone hurt them and nor would we ignore them hurting and bullying each other, so thats a sort of moot point in this situation.

Its just how much I have to give for her to have this contact, it makes me feel anxious and upset, it gives me weird dreams and I don't like it much.

InsultingBadger Sun 20-Oct-13 13:11:01

Maybe if you explained that to her in an email maybe but said monthly contact with nothing in between would be better. Would it help if you had this tiny window every month on Skype and could forget about it the rest of the time

Misfitless Sun 20-Oct-13 17:03:33

Oh gosh this is worse than I realised. Why are you agreeing to contact, filee?

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 17:06:19

Just say no. She can write to the children but for the foreseeable future no skyping. TBH they are too young and won't be interested anyway, it's all about her needs.

filee777 Sun 20-Oct-13 17:11:41

Sorry guys, today just took a massive turn for the weird and I cannot think about my mother right now. I'll come back to this tomorrow

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 17:21:06

No problems, take very good care of yourself. Please remember you are perfectly entitled to go completely no contact with her - including your dc and dh.

hugs & flowers

Misfitless Sun 20-Oct-13 20:44:34

RandomMess I think it's all about her too. Do what's best for you and in turn that will be what is best for your DCs. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

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