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Hello ..could anyone help me please in trying to help my ds and understand what he is going through..

(7 Posts)
bizzey Thu 17-Oct-13 23:26:33

Ds is 9 and undergoing severe anxiety problems mainly due to school and has now been given Gavicsone for his anxiety reflux.

I am on the SN threads but really needed an adults view on what severe anxiety can do to you /mean so I can help him better...understand it more ??

I don't know.. what to do to to help/understand him .

I suppose I want to know is does it feel....And I am sorry if I put that in an insensitve way...just want to help my little boy

Thank you

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Oct-13 02:38:07

It's difficult to say because it's different for each person, and the way you deal with things as a 9 YO is different to how an adult has the capacity to rationalise things.

Could you say what's specifically worrying you about how he's getting on? It might be easier to answer a definite question.

If I look at it standing well back from myself, the crucial factor in my anxiety is having someone/somewhere that I can get a measure of security from. (possibly talk to him about where he feels safe, whether there's anywhere in the house/in his head he can go when he's feeling stressed?)

My mum was very reassuring when I was younger and I knew she could give me the 'I'm here, everything's OK because I'll look after you' feeling. She'd help me get things in perspective if she could, to guide me in what things are legit to be worried about and what things I was creating an anxiety about.

I really can't overstate enough what that 'safe base' means in (what can be to a lot of adults as well) a very frightening world.

The fact that you've posted, and the love that's palpable in your OP, reassures me that your DS will be OK (although obviously I don't know how his special needs would interact with/generate his anxiety).

You care.

He knows you care.

You recognising what's going on and actively trying to make it easier on him will find the solution, especially as you don't sound as though you're going to give up smile

bizzey Sat 19-Oct-13 17:23:43

Agent thank you for taking the time to post your kind reply (it actually brought a tear to my eye !)

Your comment about your mother is what got me the most,because for him and his older brother's I am their rock and they I will always help themand make thing better for them but....

school is his anxiety ...yet I "make" him go in really I am not helping him ?

Sn is complecated...accadmicaly behind by 3 +years...and he is now very aware of it. He gets help at school and they have been fab in the past few weeks...and finally seeing what I have been trying to tell them.

But he has always held it in at school so they have never seen what the anxiety does to him .

He has other issues as well and they are looking into asd and things ...but regaurdless of what they come up with I still need to get /understand coping stratergies for MY child ...not an asd child.

He is rejecting any ideas of mine or school to make things better because there is only one thing he want ......To not go to school !!

Going to go away and think again about the safe haven place I could work on.
Thank you again

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Oct-13 18:30:35

I loathed school and DD1 hasn't had an easy time of it either (she's nearly 13), so I know what it's like from both sides of not wanting to go and feeling awful having to send them.

Only you will know, but what about self help books aimed at tweens? My DD's found them really helpful for giving her tools to help deal with anxiety/other people. There are some really good ones out there, especially on Amazon, who will have audio tapes if he doesn't fancy reading them.

Are there friends/family you know who he might feel comfortable talking to about how he's feeling?

I also know what you mean about not wanting him 'labeled' (have had similar things with DD who I think may have OCD traits as I recognise some from my own OCD). You don't want people having an idea of who he is (that could be negative) before they've even got to know him, or that diagnosis getting in the way of a 'normal' interaction.

But it's all about options, some suggested coping strategies might work for your DS and lots probably won't, it's about using the knowledge other parents/professionals who have experience of ASD have had and what they've found works for them ('standing on the shoulders of giants').

You really are helping him by sending him to school IMO, the alternative is that he's shut away from the world and never learns to negotiate the pitfalls to get to the truly mind bogglingly brilliant times that are in store for him in the future.

sicily1921 Sun 20-Oct-13 18:24:56

Hi Bizzey I don't have much expertise here but I had heard there were some good books out there for anxious and worried children, there's prob some good websites too so I hope you find some help.

I really feel for you and other parents, it is hard enough being the parent of a 'normal' child (whatever that is I hasten to add). My DD 11yrs can be quite a worrier and puts me through the mill at times so I know a little about what you go through. Thinking of you, stay strong, you sound like a brilliant mum.

Thants Sun 20-Oct-13 19:07:17

Anxiety feels like a constant dread that something terrible is going to happen. I am always on edge imagining the worst. The tiniest thing can send my mind spiralling into the worst case scenarios and I am convinced they are going to happen. This makes my heart race, I feel nauseous, get diarrhoea. I can't concentrate or speak properly and am constantly seeking reassurance that can calm me down. Sometimes the reassurance helps and sometimes it doesn't, it depends what I am anxious about. I feel the need to pace and keep moving. Ill do anything it takes to convince myself that the bad thing is not going to happen or put measures in place to stop it happening.

bizzey Sun 20-Oct-13 22:54:13

sicily Thank you for your kind words and I will look for those books....Sadly we have gone beyond the "worry stage" !!

Thants...your words, and what he is trying to tell me are making sense now (..well nearly there !)

I can't copy and paste ...but

...... Anxiety feels like a constant dread are the words I need ,to understand
thank you

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