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Anxiety just not going away... Please help

(58 Posts)
CharlieBoo Tue 24-Sep-13 13:30:48

Ive been suffering from a relapse in anxiety for the last 2 and a bit weeks. I've never had anxiety like this before. It is really hard to even function at the moment.

I'm on citalopram 20mg, started for a few days on 10mg 2 weeks ago and have built up to 20mg. This has been 2 weeks also with the citalopram and its not getting any better. Do y think the dose isn't right or it not the right drug?

It's also giving me awful insomnia so I'm living with this anxiety 20 hours a day and its crippling, I just want to be back to my old self. I have a review with my dr on Thursday which can't come soon enough. I've been doing the linden method which I thought was good and was helping but it's not.

Please any tips for anxiety, I'm getting desperate.

CharlieBoo Fri 27-Sep-13 14:28:51

Ok felt freaked put this arvo... More intrusive images trying to freak me out and am now really anxious again. Got a play date this arvo not sure how I'm going to get through it!

Helpyourself Fri 27-Sep-13 15:35:54

One step at a time? Are you hosting? It'll pass. flowers

CharlieBoo Fri 27-Sep-13 16:06:55

Am at play date... It's passed... It's just my imagination trying to increase my anxiety so my mind visualises all these nasty things and thoughts. I know that's what it's doing but I still let it freak me out! My husband laughs when I tell him the thoughts but for me they're scary.

Helpyourself Sat 28-Sep-13 08:37:22

It sounds like it went ok! Do you find it helps voicing your fears? I had an anxious evening- away from home and waiting to hear that 3 teenage dcs were safely home. Finally relaxed into my evening at 11 just as everyone else was winding down for bed!
What's the plan for today and how are you feeling?

CharlieBoo Sat 28-Sep-13 09:52:06

I have scary intrusive images as if I'm in a horror m

CharlieBoo Sat 28-Sep-13 09:55:27

I have scary intrusive images as if I'm in a horror movie... It's my imagination fuelling my anxiety and the only way to get rid of them is to not react to them. It's really hard as my thought is that I'm going mad and that drives me anxiety through the roof!

Hopefully my cbt will come through soon and that can help process things. Off to watch ds play footy this morning then taking kids to Toys r us for a treat.

Do you suffer from anxiety too? It's just awful isn't it! X

Helpyourself Sat 28-Sep-13 18:10:55

I'm much, much better now. Unfortunately or fortunately, as it turned out, I 'managed' my anxiety by drinking! I then had a breakdown and as I recovered from that, and stopped drinking the anxiety lifted. It still comes occasionally, like last night and I notice myself obsessing or triple checking things. I'm really careful of my mental health and triggers. I jealously guard my sleep, now it's good, avoid stress as much as possible (my job is stressful but I 'talk it out' with my manager and colleagues) avoid upsetting situations I don't need to know about etc. I had CBT as well, pretty much as I had recovered but I found the space and tools really useful.

CharlieBoo Sat 28-Sep-13 18:30:22

Sounds like you've been through it, it's a tough road eh? Glad you are better now. knowing your triggers helps i bet. I so desperately want to feel better and be in a good place. My thoughts are driven by OCD and negative thinking. One of the big symptoms of this is thinking your going mad and paranoia. I know all this but I can't stop my imaginations overdrive. I know I'm not psychotic but the doubts plague me and my imagination is trying to trick me constantly. It's truly horrible and I can't believe 3 weeks ago I was absolutely fine and now I'm in this hell! I will get there, hoping the cbt will help.

Helpyourself Sat 28-Sep-13 18:39:46

I consider myself very lucky! I'd rather be where I am now having hit rock bottom and come back than the for years low level but still paralysing anxiety. And like you my parents and dh sells by me. That did wonders for my self esteem.

Helpyourself Sat 28-Sep-13 18:41:00

Grr. Parents and dh stood by me! grin

CharlieBoo Sat 28-Sep-13 18:43:44

It's so important to have the support of a loving family. We are both blessed there then. Xxxxx

working9while5 Sun 29-Sep-13 09:08:49

Hi Charlie.

I have imagery. Mine have always been fantastically gruesome. I've learned though that I am a very visual person and I play out scenarios of all sorts endlessly in my head. Have you ever tried paying attention to the non-scary imagery in your head? It's probable you have mini-soap operas and chick flicks in there too, but these won't draw your attention nor will you imagine they say all sorts of things about you.

I can still see my horror movies. My sister in law recently lost a baby at 20+ weeks and I am pregnant. I visualized every step of her induction, every sad contraction, the silence on his birth, meeting him, sobbing when he was taken away, the heavy emptiness of going home. I could see it all. Happening to her, happening to me. I did this endlessly through my last pregnancy often with vastly gorier and bloodier images. Yet this time my emotional reactivity to it is entirely different. I can see it in all its horror without the desperate endless scramble to push it away, the cold sick creeping horror. It comes into my mind and it goes again. I don't have to work to push it out or even grit my teeth til it goes. It is like a background jingle, the radio in the hairdressers or muzak in an elevator. I know it is there but I don't need to do anything with it.

It is, in the end of the day, just your imagination. I know when you're in it it seems so overwhelmingly powerful that seems almost a flippant statement... but it is. Just an overactive imagination.

CharlieBoo Sun 29-Sep-13 10:05:46

Thank you working9while5. That makes me feel is just imagery but the fact it's there scares me. I know that I need to ignore it but its hard.

Thanks for sharing your story though and I'm very sorry to hear about your sister in laws baby. How awful. Good luck with your pregnancy. X

Helpyourself Mon 30-Sep-13 19:46:47

How are you today charlie?

CharlieBoo Mon 30-Sep-13 20:56:05

Hi, have not had a good couple of days. Was awake from 1 am last night trembling in sheer panic! Went back to the drs this morning as for 3 weeks I've not slept properly and I'm exhausted. She's given me some mild sleeping tablets and pushing through my cbt as urgent. Bit nervous about taking the tablet but I need sleep. Told her all about my intrusive images and she says its all anxiety and I'm not going mad and will get better soon. Looking forward to the cbt and hoping it can break down my negative thinking. Thanks for popping back in to check on me. How are you? Hope you've had a good day xx

Helpyourself Mon 30-Sep-13 21:24:31

I have- I woke up a bit anxious and overwhelmed but it passed as soon as I got going. Don't be nervous about taking the sleeping tablets; I bet she's only given you a few day's worth, hasn't she? Good news about the CBT.
Sleep well.

CharlieBoo Tue 01-Oct-13 07:48:57

Yes funny isn't it I wake feeling like that every day but as soon as I get up and get going it passes. The sleeping tablet didn't work so I will have to take 2 tonight. It said take 1-2 on the box but I just took one to start with but obviously not strong enough. Have a good day x

Helpyourself Tue 01-Oct-13 08:14:29

Sorry you didn't sleep well sad
Keep going today- resist the urge to crawl back into bed like I used to and you'll be set for tonight.
Why are you afraid of taking the tablets btw?

CharlieBoo Tue 01-Oct-13 10:01:55

Even if I got into bed I couldn't sleep. I think the citalopram may be keeping my brain too active and its hard to switch it off. I've never taken tablets like this before so it was a bit scary taking them. Turns out they did absolutely nothing so nothing to be scared of! Haha. Busy planning a wartime recipe for ds to cook with his friend tonight for a school project! Just need whole meal flour. Are u keeping busy today? X

Helpyourself Tue 01-Oct-13 13:04:43

Very! 3 teenagers off- two very short school runs and one journey back to deliver a forgotten pass. Into work via another lost pass hmm and now I'm at work doing some quite close writing.
I'd say I was pretty much anxiety free nowadays, but I had a real panic when DD,17 didn't text to say she was in school (she's a bit upset at the moment- friend stuff). I sat on the thoughts for a while, ran through the likely scenarios- lost or confiscated phone, delayed train, switched off etc. In the end I 'phoned school and asked them to confirm she'd signed in. It was unnecessary perhaps, but I chose to just fix the problem rather than stew on it. Just as well as she didn't switch her phone on and see my messages til just now.
So... do accept all the help you can. I probably rushed through the CBT as I was embarrassed that I was getting help because of my drinking, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.

CharlieBoo Tue 01-Oct-13 13:18:17

Wow you have a big family! How lovely! I can only imagine the stress teenagers bring! I have all that to come. Am pleased you're anxiety free, if a little envious! After a great start this morning I we t on a walk and felt panicky again. My images have died off but I'm so terrified of them coming back its fuelling my anxiety. Still lovely wwII recipe to make with the kids after school. Egg free sponge cake! Hopefully ill feel a bit better, it passes it always does. Xxx

susanalbumparty Tue 01-Oct-13 15:16:28

Hi Charlieboo - I am going through something similar at the moment. I am also citalopram but my GP dd offer mirtazapine which she said was better for helping with sleep. I dont know if this is an option you might want to discuss with your GP? Insomnia just makes everything worse doesn't it and I am sorry you are going through the mill with it. Did your GP offer sleeping tablets?

peachypips Tue 01-Oct-13 19:19:55

I second the Mirtazapine- I felt almost instantly a lot better!

CharlieBoo Tue 01-Oct-13 20:54:54

Yes I have got sleeping pills, only took one last night so will take 2 tonight. What is mitrazapine? I begged mt dr or something else to help with the anxiety but she would only give me sleeping tablets. X

Helpyourself Tue 01-Oct-13 21:08:53

grin all that rushing about with passes and drop offs was for the 3 teenagers.
Sounds like relevant and useful advice about mitrazapine, Charlie

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