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Trivial, sorry. I have a desperate need to be well-liked, but I never will be. How do I get over it, please?

(3 Posts)
YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka Thu 19-Sep-13 13:49:15

I'm not confident or outgoing. I struggle with small talk and I've never found it easy to make friends. It takes a long time to get to know what I'd consider to be the "real" me, and to anyone who's just met me I seem very quiet, meek, probably boring. I do try to smile and chat and be friendly and polite, but it doesn't come naturally, and I very rarely get beyond the polite chitchat stage to making an an actual friend.

But I'm so ridiculously needy, I want everyone to like me. Even people I don't like, I want them to like me. I see friends making plans on FB, planning fun things, and I know they'll have a great time and it makes me sad that I'll never be the fun person that people want to spend time with. There was a thread on here about what sort of people you instantly warm to, and everyone said confident, chatty, outgoing people. That's not me and it never will be, so I'm resigned to never being someone that people like. Again, it made me feel crap.

I hear people say "Oh, people don't tend to like me, but I don't care". How do I do that? I don't think I can ever make myself likeable, but maybe I can change the way I feel about not being likeable, iyswim. But how??

brettgirl2 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:08:35

I think that when you first meet people it is often a bit of an act. I remember feeling like this when I was younger, over time when I met someone I started by deciding if I liked them. Unless the answers yes it doesn't matter either way does it? So if someone is up their own arse and can't be bothered to have a conversation then who cares? This is the issue with small talk it doesn't work if someone is unfriendly so its them not you.

I like shy people actually wink they are often easier to talk to I think!

HoopHopes Thu 19-Sep-13 19:53:39

As you said you cannot change how you are and there is nothing wrong with how you are either. But it is about accepting yourself for who you are and not comparing yourself to others maybe. About being kind to yourself rather than critical, which takes practise.

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