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(11 Posts)
FavoriteThings Sat 21-Sep-13 19:38:51

parents [starting with that first as may be easier]. I would personally seperate their behaviour from them iyswim. Hate the sin, love the sinner [I always think that is an American expression, but not sure]. That way you can hate their behaviour all you want , argghh argghh and all that, rant away to your hearts content. But love them[that may be easier said than done , dont know how you would find that, never had to do it].

husband, for that I would have to see your thread I think. Your marriage from what little you have put on here, sounds less than ideal. Seperation is an option. A big leap. For me, may partly depend on the kids ages. Though I dont feel very able to advise you on that one. I have seen, fwiw, 6 or 7 year olds seemingly to fare better with a parents marriage break up than teenagers of almost any age. But I am no expert there.

Salbertina Sat 21-Sep-13 19:20:00

No best person, good to canvass MN and grateful for all responses! Yes to moving, as soon as is practicable, thats the plan but nothing certain. Re dh? I really don't know- do i need to rethink years of mutual unhappiness and somehow finally find the good? Or better for kids to separate?? As for my parents, i need to find it in my heart to forgive them and to feel compassion.

FavoriteThings Sat 21-Sep-13 19:07:02

I may not be your very best person for this thread, as I am at heart a bit of an anylst and problem solver. And if that doesnt work, I chuck it all over to God .

Sorry you are feeling so down about things. Too many big problems for too long is wearing and and overburden.

No chance of moving I suppose? Might help with the SN. Husband maybe not[havent seen your other threads]. May not do a single thing for your parents though.

Anyway, glad someone listening is remotely helpful to you.

Salbertina Sat 21-Sep-13 17:38:00

No worries, FT, i appreciate being "heard". Yes,have posted on those boards except the SN one as been rather low key about it all. Half the problem!

FavoriteThings Sat 21-Sep-13 15:20:35

Parents dont owe us anything, but we still do need them for as long as possible dont we. I am sorry that your parents are not there for you. Has it some to the point of accepting and emotionally distancing yourself from them?

You have got several problems going on. 1 for the relationship board. 1 for stately homes. 1 for the special needs board.
I am slightly trying to lighten the mood, in a jokey way, but am not much good with humour. smile

Salbertina Sat 21-Sep-13 14:56:39

Yes, lurk there sometimes. No, not a Christian.

FavoriteThings Sat 21-Sep-13 14:41:31

Have seen you around MN. On philosophy? Are you a Christian or a different religion?

Salbertina Fri 20-Sep-13 12:42:44

Thanks guys. Sorry you've been in a similar boat. hmm
Agree need to forgive and move on. Had psychotherapy and trying to practise mindfulness.

JamJarOfDaffs Thu 19-Sep-13 19:58:39

Just to say I can empathize with this, and it is really hard to know what "to do" with anger after a while so that it doesn't just become bitterness. Sorry I do not have any answers as very similar problem (see my other post just posted).

GirlWithTheLionHeart Thu 19-Sep-13 19:51:35

Didn't want to leave this unanswered. It sounds like you have a lot on, especially with an SN child and lack of support.

What therapy are you having?

Being angry all the time is tiring and emotionally draining sad

You do need to forgive or move on from your parents being EA. Mourn for what you went through but try to turn it positive. I've had to do the same, I know it's hard.

What things bring you joy in life? What makes you laugh or smile?

Salbertina Thu 19-Sep-13 11:33:29

I realise i am seething most of the time. I can keep it underwraps more or less to function outwardly but am aware am railing at the world. Feel v alone and isolated. Angry at dh and our failing marriage. Angry at my EA parents for utterly failing me when i asked for their support and still shock 18 months on at how this rocked my foundations and what i thought i knew. Angry at total lack of SN medical or school support here for my dc - and dh's downplaying of the problem despite several diagnoses. Angry at bring stuck dependent and isolated overseas. Though it was my doing- as my dm would say, i made my bed...

Am in my 40s, ffs, am aware no one -even parents- should owe me anything by now and that it is down to me to resolve. Am trying - mindfulness, therapy etc but it's really getting me more and more down to an irrational extent.

Not asking for advice, just to share really. This may out me, hope not but cant be bothered to name change.

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