Should I tell my DH?

[eringramochroi]

My mil was diagnosed with depression about 2 months ago. She hasn't been herself since her mum passed away 5 years ago and although there are other contributing factors, I think that's where it all stems from. Now, I have to admit I know next to nothing about depression so please excuse my ignorance. My Mil has always spoken openly to me about things, things that she would never tell DH. However, she has never once mentioned being diagnosed with depression, how she is coping, treatment etc... and I have likewise never mentioned it, assuming that she just didn't want to talk to me about it yet, which is fine. But today, whilst showing me one of her prescriptions for all her meds (she has long term health problems unrelated to depression) she said "Oh and that's the anti depressants that the doctor prescribed me. Dh and fil think I'm taking them, but I'm not" She is an adult, it's her choice. Should I tell Dh? Is she doing the right thing by not taking them? The doctor only wanted her to try them for 3 months, she said, but mil hasn't taken any. What do you think? Mind my own business and just be there if she needs to talk? Any help or advice would be great.

[Sweetsweep]

Seeing as your DH already thinks she has been taking them, she must have told him about her depression.

Personally, yes I would tell my DH that she is not.

Soemtimes just a 3 month dose is all that is needed. You could try telling her that. She may then take them?

If all else fails you could see her doctor yourself. Not sure if you and your husband would want to go down that route or not.

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/speaking-to-gp-about-someone-elses-health.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=158

[eringramochroi]

Thanks sweetsweep. Dh and fil know about the depression. They are both under the impression that she was taking the meds. My niggle is not wanting to betray her trust. Thank you for the link, I'll have a look at it now x

[NanaNina]

I don't think you should betray her trust, but I think you need to talk to her about the importance of taking the meds for her depression. You obviously have a good r/ship with her and you could reassure her that these ADs are very safe drugs. Lots of people have fears about ADs - that they will turn into zombies, never be able to get off them etc - maybe ask her why she isn't taking them. A lot of people think ADs are addictive and they're not - it's the major tranquillisers (like Valium) that are addictive.

The fact that she is not talking about her depression probably means that she is a bit ashamed about it. The trouble is there is still sadly so much stigma about mental illness, and she might think people will think her "loopy" or "crazy" or other things ignorant people say about people with mental illness. Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses and it differs in severity with different people. Can you see how her depression manifests itself. Sometimes people just have a low lying sort of sadness and a life half lived, while others can be ok for periods of time and then plummet back down for a while (I'm in the latter category)

Maybe talk about the fact that 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives and around one third of patients in the GP waiting room will be seeing the doctor about a mental illness.
It's so hard because unless you have suffered it yourself, you can't really explain how horrid it can be.

I think talking to your MIL in this way will help more than telling your DH or FIL what she has told you in confidence. At the end of the day she is an adult, and she can choose whether to take them or not, but I would encourage her to try them. Oh just thought I wonder if she has been put off by reading about the side effects and the list can be daunting, but they just have to put everything in to cover themselves. She probably would have side effects for a week or two but these usually subside quite quickly. There are loads of books about depression - maybe you could read up on it, or even just on google so you are a bit better informed to help your MIL.

[eringramochroi]

That's really helpful Nana, thank you. She has mentioned in the past something along the lines of "My mother used to take ADs and what they did to her, you wouldnt wish on anybody". That was way before she got ill though. Maybe that's the issue. I will try talking to her.