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Very dark thoughts. Please help.

(43 Posts)
timesarehard Mon 16-Sep-13 17:54:42

I always thought this only happened to other people but here I am.

I'm a regular but have namechanged. I have been feeling low for a while but this has escalated rapidly over the last couple of weeks.

Today has been my lowest day. Thoughts of wanting it all to be over have crept in today. I'm so scared.

ColouringInQueen Tue 17-Sep-13 09:49:50

Thinking of you this morning. If you're still feeling really bad its ok to speak to the gp again. I spoke with mine on the phone/in person for about 4 days when I was at my worst. Do you have a friend or relative that can keep you company, even if its to watch tv together. Hope yoive managed to have a snack. Even a glass of milk and a biscuit is better than mothing. Take care.

timesarehard Tue 17-Sep-13 09:54:53

I've had some cereal. The health visitor is coming at eleven. I just feel so guilty that my lovely children haven't got their mummy at the moment. It's just so sad.

Chopstheduck Tue 17-Sep-13 10:06:27

I;'m glad you managed to eat something and get the HV out. This will pass, and you will get better for your children. It is very hard, and it often feels like there is no end to it, but little by little the cloud will lift. xx

GRW Tue 17-Sep-13 10:09:11

Well done for managing to eat something and asking for help. Your health visitor should be able to liaise with your GP. It is understandable that you feel guilty, but it's not your fault that you are unwell. With the right support your children will get you back. Thinking of you.

timesarehard Tue 17-Sep-13 10:26:41

Thank you everyone. You are really helping. I've asked my DH if he can take a few days off (it's unlikely). I just want to sleep. Dealing with it all just seems a huge mountain to climb.

Chopstheduck Tue 17-Sep-13 13:20:57

hey there, thinking of you smile

How did the meeting with the HV go?

peachypips Tue 17-Sep-13 13:28:09

Hi love. I remember feeling like I wasn't there for my children too. I just couldn't cope with being around them as it made my anxiety worse. The guilt makes it worse too.
Do you know what though? You will be better in a month and they won't remember it. DS1 said to me the other day 'why do you never cry mum?' I could have answered 'I did nothing but cry for a lot of your preschool years!'. He has totally forgotten it. Just tell you older ones you are poorly and you will be better soon. They will understand that.
I remember wondering how I was going to get through the next minute let alone the next few weeks until the drugs worked. Time will pass though, and you will be well. Just survive and get as much help as you possibly can with the children.

ZipIt Tue 17-Sep-13 14:53:03

Hi times. Sorry to hear how bad you're feeling. I know it may not sound appealing but can you get some meal replacement drinks (e.g., strawberry/chocolate Complan with a straw) from the chemist/supermarket? I know how very hard it is to get food down when you're having problems like this. Meal drinks can take a tiny bit of the stress away. Hope you feel better soon. Stick with it, getting through one moment at a time.

timesarehard Tue 17-Sep-13 15:10:30

I'm here. The health visitor was great. She really seemed to understand. I'm really cold and shivery, is that a side effect or am I also poorly. I can't make sense of how I'm feeling.

peachypips Tue 17-Sep-13 17:36:36

It can be a side effect or you could be poorly! Just keep going.

AmyFlower Tue 17-Sep-13 17:36:50

Glad you are feeling a bit better. The shivering may be because you haven't eaten. Hope you continue to improve.

BasketzatDawn Tue 17-Sep-13 18:52:48

It is quite common to feel worse before you get better when starting ADs. It's happened to me. And it's in the leaflets too. What I decided, after a bad time before, is that the dark thoughts are the illness, the trick is to do nothing about them, then they do gradually go when the meds kick in. I hope that doesn't sound trite. You've done the right thing, OP, in talking to your HV and Dr. and others, even posting on here. You aren't alone.

In a sense, all you can do is do the minimum - make sure the children are safe and fed, eat something yourself, expect nothing for a few weeks, then hopefully the fog will start to lift. The good effect of ADs takes a few weeks. For me, this time, the fog began to lift after 2 weeks. Now in 5th week on Sertraline and dark thoughts are going bit by bit. If I get tired after doing too much, they come back. Bastards grin. Hope that helps, OP. Take care.

timesarehard Wed 18-Sep-13 08:11:10

This is hell. I've never felt so ill. I was up all night being sick. I can't eat a thing and can't get out of bed. How the hell do I look after the children? So scared.

ColouringInQueen Wed 18-Sep-13 09:30:05

Oh that sounds rubbish - sympathies. Is there anyone who can come and keep you company today? Any family or friend? Do you have all DC at home with you.

Can you speak to your GP on the phone and explain how bad things are? They'll sometimes prescribe you something extra short term to ease you through if the anxiety is unmanageable.

Ten minutes at a time. Thinking of you.

timesarehard Wed 18-Sep-13 09:35:22

A friend is coming. I feel like such a failure. The GP wanted to.prescribe me diazepam but I am still breastfeeding. I detest feeling like this. I am so strong and independent and well rounded and I can't believe that I've had to ask for so much help.

I will get through this!!

ColouringInQueen Wed 18-Sep-13 09:43:57

Oh well done on asking for help from your friend. I know exactly how you feel - I was the same when I was bad, feeling like a failure because I couldn't cope. But everyone needs help sometimes. If you'd broken your leg you wouldn't think twice about asking for help with the kids etc... so at the moment, your heads poorly, and you need some help.

Many people say that depression is not a sign of weakness it is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long...

But as you say, you will get through this. Take care.

Chopstheduck Wed 18-Sep-13 12:19:19

You msot certainly ARE strong and independent! You are doing all the right things, reaching out for help, taking the ADs and talking to people about how you feel.

It is a medical imbalance, an illness like any other, and there is no shame in seeking help while you recover.

I hope the medication kicks in soon for you and you start to feel better. I think you are brilliant though, for making sure you get the support for you and the children. It isn't easy always to reach out.

Hooleywhipper Thu 19-Sep-13 08:00:45

You will get through this OP, I have been there. Unlike you I did not ask
For help but I should have done. Well done on getting friends to help. You are strong, you will do this.

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