So, at the moment, I'm undergoing a bit of a transformation. I am finally tackling my weight issues, I've got myself a job after 12 months of searching, after graduating from university, and last year I managed to leave a 1 year relationship that I wasn't happy in. All is going well.
Except, I'm still not "happy".
The back story to this is long, but the short version is, bullied from end of Y6 to end of Y11, and a bit in college. Secondary was so bad I was suicidal at various points, although never tried.
I have zero self confidence, my self esteem is very low, and very fragile, and I am very anxious - about lots of things. What new people will think of me, whether I'm good enough at my job, whether I'll ever be good enough for someone to love me. I think I'm ugly, weird and generally don't like myself all that much.
I am the only single person in my group of friends, and one of only 3 who still live at home. I worry about that, too.
I also don't deal with stress well, and put too much pressure on myself at times, like at work - I've only been in the job a month and I'm already frustrated because I still keep making errors, and am anxious in case my contract is terminated at the end of my 3 months probation.
The stress also leads to comfort eating, so I self-sabotage my progress (Slimming World is very good for me though, finding that really helpful).
Thing is, I am doing really well with this, but I think to be truly happy, I need to fix my brain, and I think a big part of that is accepting one key fact, that there's not quite right in terms of my mental health.
So, how do I fix this??
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Mental health
Right, need to sort myself out. Help me do it, please?
LollipopViolet · 14/09/2013 23:33
Hmmm, we have some progress, and a comment that makes me want to smack my head against a wall.
Saw some relatives on Sunday (they came up from where they live to see my granddad in hospital, and called in on the way). One relative is rather... old fashioned in his ways and beliefs, and during a chat was asking if I was single. I said, I am, but I'm happy, and he said, "How old are you? 23? That's the age a girl should be thinking about settling down." I told him I needed to find the right person first, and we changed the subject.
Anyway, as they were leaving, he starts up again, "I expect to see you with a man next time I see you."
Ugh, I already put lots of pressure on myself about this, I didn't need that!
However, I'm making some progress :) I was talking to a friend later that day about the visit, and he said a lovely thing. "Your life is, as yet, unwritten. The important thing is, you find someone who makes you happy, and who you don't have to change for. Don't try and plan your life based on other people's expectations of you." I could've hugged him! He's a very good friend, and knows what I'm like, he and his wife have been there for me through some difficult times in recent years.
Also, I had a review at work today, with my boss. He's happy, says I need to keep improving and not get distracted quite so often 
but that he's noticed I do put a lot of pressure on myself, and that although that can be a good thing, because I'm driven to improve, it's something he's noticed, and I need to make sure I'm not putting unrealistic expectations on myself IYSWIM?
It's small progress, but it's there. Now, off to look at some books to read :)
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