I desperately need advice / support / real-life experiences of others who either have, or who know someone who, has successfully come off long-term anti-depressants and not needed to go back on them!!
DH has suffered from depression for his entire adult life (and probably most of his childhood too). I met him when he was 25; he is 40 now. I cannot remember exactly when he started taking anti-depressants but it was around the time of the birth of our DS, who is now 9.
During the time that we were together but before he was taking anti-ds, he had many, many depressive episodes, suicidal feelings, complete inability to get out of bed in the mornings sometimes, and became addicted to exercise in order to try to beat the low mood. He has had several episodes of counselling / CBT but is unwilling to fully take on board the discoveries he has made about himself ....
I cannot go into full details about how ill DH has been in the past, partly because I just can't bear to relive it and partly because it was so awful that I have blocked large chunks of it from my memory.
When DS was born, DH hit rock bottom and I literally dragged him to the GP and begged, in tears, for help. DH agreed to go on anti-ds. He was on citalopram for a couple of years, then moved onto venlafaxine which he has been on for years, with huge success. He has not had a major depressive episode the entire time he has been taking it. He has had the occasional period of stress / low mood, but has managed to deal with it and has done really well.
A few months ago he decided that he was going to come off the venlafaxine. He wanted to just stop, but I said that there was no way I would support him in this, and that he had to do it under the guidance of the GP (I had a nightmare coming off seroxat many years ago, before the DCs were born). So he went to the GP who advised him to reduce his dose by half, do this for 4 weeks, then reduce by half again, etc etc. So he has been doing this for the past few months and is now on 1/8 of the dose he started on - it's only about 6mg per day now. He is a teacher, so the summer holidays seemed the logical time to do this.
Every time he reduces the dose he is just AWFUL. Completely on edge, moody, tense, sleeping all the time, unmotivated, snappy, and generally horrible. It lasts a week each time, then it calms down as his body and brain adjust to the new dose, then we start again in three weeks' time with the same cycle.
He went down by half a dose a few days ago and I don't think I can cope. He is obviously struggling, and is not even able to make civil conversation about neutral topics. He cannot bear to be in the room with the DCs (9 and 6) which is a pretty important thing to bear in mind, as I work and he is supposed to be looking after them Tues-Fri during the holidays. He has been struggling so much that I've been booking babysitters as much as possible, and taking the kids to work with me when I can (I own a shop, so this is possible) in order to spare him - and them. His "thing" when he is depressed is to chant "I hate myself, I hate myself" over and over, and this cannot happen in front of the DCs.
But babysitters are not cheap, and this cannot continue for ever. I can literally see him turning back into the depressed shell of a man he was before he started taking the anti-ds, and it is heartbreaking. And so, so frustrating, as there is an easy solution: take the anti-ds!!
I guess my question is: is it reasonable of him to continue reducing the dose when we are ALL suffering as a result? Should I try to persuade him to go back to a slightly higher dose? - not as high as he was on at the start, but maybe go back up to somewhere between 12 & 25mg (he was on either 50 or 75mg to start with) as that seemed to be OK when he'd got over the first horrible week ...????
In case it doesn't come across in my post - I really, really feel for him. I have been in his shoes. I was lucky that my depression/anxiety wasn't caused by a permanent chemical imbalance and that a combination of meds and therapy "cured" it. But he has a wife and a family, and a job (and nobody there, and not a single on of our friends, knows anything about this). He has responsibilities, which he is incapable of fulfilling when he's like this. And term starts next week, and I am so worried that he will spend all his energies on appearing well at work, and will then be extra difficult at home (he has form for this).
We have no family support (mine are all dead; his are probably the cause of his depression - his parents sent him to boarding school in the town they lived in at the age of 6 and his father has serious, yet undiagnosed, MH issues, and his mother is a functioning alcoholic who enables his father). I have nobody to talk to in RL about this.
Help!
Oh, and thanks for reading. That was really loooooooong; guess I needed to get it all out!
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Mental health
DH coming off Venlafaxine. Christ this is hard.
45 replies
MrsMcEnroe · 26/08/2013 16:41
OP posts:
Dancingqueen17 ·
26/08/2013 19:03
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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