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Life not feeling "real"

(21 Posts)
hardtohandle36 Tue 30-Jul-13 23:07:01

how do i cope with this? I am living a life, feel like i am in overdrive but it also doesnt feel real. Im a single parent to 5 yr old, late 30s. Have had anxiety and depression on and off and i am just about functioning. I am on edge constantly, dont feel i can connect with my son, however do loads with him, feel detached, on the outside, not part of anything. I think i am spending too much time alone (albeit with my son).. feel like have constant thoughts in my mind, must do this and that and trying to always be in control, but hard to keep up. I almost feel like i am not living on the same planet as others! and Im finding boundries, social situations hard but deal with it..struggling to adjust following divorce, feel like i dont know who i am, what my identity is, where i belong :-( sometimes feel like im having a breakdown but keep going :-(what the hell is wrong with me?
on plus side, i have healthy happy child, own my own home, am working in a fairly decent job, but feel detached from people even when i am with them, Im not there, but not sure where i am! will it go in time?

susiedaisy Tue 30-Jul-13 23:11:37

Hi just off to bed but didn't want to ignore. Someone will be Along with advice soon, you aren't alone, I can relate to a lot of what you say, sending you hugsthankswill try to come back in the morning !

hardtohandle36 Tue 30-Jul-13 23:20:54

thanks sd. i really feel like i am the only one who could possibly feel this way, feels so weird :-(

coribells Tue 30-Jul-13 23:52:14

I am feeling this way too, more and more detached. think it's a defence mechanism. I ve been hurt a lot.

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 00:03:18

Hello!!!! Are you me?!?! God I could have written that.

You're NOT alone. It's absolutely hell on earth. Well done to still be managing.

It feels SO weird. That's the awful thing. I just keep saying "but I feel really strange, scary strange," but it doesn't seem to be registering as important with anyone.

Do you wonder how you 'keep going' amongst so many queer feelings, hurt and confusion? I do. It's so hard.

Do you have any support?

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 00:04:06

I'll come back in morning too. X

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 00:05:14

In fact I can relate to every word. X

hardtohandle36 Thu 01-Aug-13 00:19:46

yes it is hell on earth! thanks for your reply and telling me im not alone..
no support as im constantly putting on a front.. barriers well and truly up :-(
dont know how i keep going..but i do.

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 00:22:53

Xx I'll be back

Openyourheart Thu 01-Aug-13 00:23:58

Please go to the doctor and explain how you feel. You should then get the appropriate help.

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 07:59:41

I'm back! How are you today?

I'm 'hit' almost immediately, feel weird all day and then of an evening it lifts generally (with the help of a small glass of wine!).

I'd definitely go to the doctors - they could refer you for counselling or offer ADs.

I've chosen not to go down AD route and start CBT today.

I saw a psychiatrist about this and he had no concerns (!) and said it was adjustment for me and a lack of control. I'm hesitant to say it could the be the same thing for you as everyone is different and I'm NOT a professional.

Could it be the stress of the divorce catching up on you? And single parenting? I couldn't do it.

Do you worry you've lost the old you? And wonder how you're operating? I do.

Stripedmum Thu 01-Aug-13 08:00:26

Sorry I've already asked you the last question! It's just strange how people can keep going under these terrible circumstances.

HoopHopes Thu 01-Aug-13 13:12:29

Hi if you adapting to divorce and life on your own it must be very strange and a change. When able to could you meet up with other single mums for support or try and get a babysitter occasionally to go out and do something with other people to help. You say you are lonely so perhaps by putting yourself in different situations it will help. Can take some time though so hope you can do something for you.

kizzie Thu 01-Aug-13 15:45:44

Hi This might not apply to you but 'depersonalization' is quite well chronicled when linked to anxiety. (so a sensation that you are not quite 'there')
Theres quite a lot of stuff on the internet about it if you do a search but here's a link with a bit more info:

Things like 'mindfulness' (again more details on google) can help you to be present in the moment.


kizzie Thu 01-Aug-13 15:46:15

Sorry - as a proper link:

discolatte Thu 01-Aug-13 19:49:38

That detached feeling, there but not there, yes it's a defence mechanism for sure, the brain uses it as a way of coping in difficulty, then the mental habit stays even when the situation has changed. I have considered ADs but am first trying HTP (herbal ADs). Also mindfulness-based cognitive therapy you can get CDs to listen to, v helpful. Wish you well.

hardtohandle36 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:59:51

hi thanks for your replies, you hit the nail on the head discolatte, yes it is a defence mechanism and I am still in it, although the "threat" has gone.. being harassed/stalked by ex...
think i might try the herbal ads first and will look into cbt cds.
thanks kizzie, will look at the link..

Katkins1 Mon 05-Aug-13 23:48:50


I get this sometimes, it does sound like depersonalisation. There are a couple of things you can try if you feel yourself 'slipping', to bring you back in to the present moment. You can name things in the room, or colours of things.. sounds silly but it works! You can also meditation, I have found that useful in the past (just breathing stuff). I know that they don't sound much help... but the naming things is really good.

hardtohandle36 Tue 06-Aug-13 00:02:34

katkins1, just tried the naming things and it worked although scared me too! I really hope this feeling passes.. got st johns wort today will give it a try.. otherwise back to gp..

hardtohandle36 Tue 06-Aug-13 14:29:48

ok, so ive had some counselling today and she said the feeling will come and go and to let it pass over me and not panic when it happens. It is something that is happening to me rather than "me" iyswim.
The depersonailisation is definitely happening, i will let people in and get a little bit close, then push away again (push away as in myself, not sure they notice?!). Obviously, Im finding it difficult to form friendships, but i'd really like to get past this, not get paranoid etc. The councellor said my exH has done a lot of damage in his constant criticisms. How do I form trusting friendships after so much hurt? How do i get past it?

Katkins1 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:29:39

I think with time, and lots of good counselling. I think that will help. I was abused and neglected when I was younger, so I know what you mean. The damage can take years to undo- but it can be done.

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