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Really don't know how to help my mum.....

(4 Posts)
Allthatglitters789 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:24:09

I'm 22 and have two sons 4 and 23 months old, my parents were married for 28 years and the divorce came through last week, my dads reason for the divorce was my mums drinking problem and her depression and her side is he left because he is worried he will die the same age my grandad did and want to go off and live his life like a young man before his time is up. I'm not sure which side is right but I'm really struggling right now as my mum and I have always being very close and since she got depression she never calls me or answers my texts, sometimes I just need someone to talk to and have since I had ds1 at 17 but they aren't there for me anymore. She has really changed so much she has only seen my children a handful of times she never invites me around no more and if I turn up she's very quick to get rid of me? It hurt a lot when she turned up on ds1 birthday with 3 inflatable toys she hadn't even wrapped and then stayed 10 minutes. She always seems zoned out and repeats herself all the time and has had a few suicide attempts.
I feel a bit like its my fault she got depression as I went off the rails in my teenage years and she got worse when I had my eldest son.
I have no idea how I can help her, she's not the person I know anymore and I could really do with my mum back, she refuses to admit she has a problem and refers to it as "when I had a drink problem" so she won't see a physiologist or counsellor.
This post seems to ramble on a bit but I would be grateful of any advice I could get on how I can help her/ be there for her.

cjel Mon 29-Jul-13 22:16:29

its ok to ramble. I don't really have anything to say which could make you feel better, clearly your dm does have a problem, perhaps your dad had helped her conceal it. I'm not sure what you could do to help this really sad woman and would caution about trying to take on too much of she won't get the help she needs.

I would say to try not to take her lack of care personally, she sounds as though she is struggling with her life let alone think of others. expect she really cares and in her mind is doing ok.

Try to get her to the gp and even better if you could go with her but really if she won't get help I think with your two small dcs you should be careful how much you take on.

Rachtoteach Thu 01-Aug-13 15:41:09

Hi Op,

I don't know if you will see this reply as you posted a few days ok.

Reading what you wrote made me cry as I could have written it myself. Literally! My parents split 15 years ago after 31 years of marriage and mum mum has never got over it. She has a chronic drink problem (gin) and/or depression and it has ruined our relationship as she is not the woman/mum she used to be. We used to be so close. I have 3 DCs and she barely knows them.

Hope you see this. Thinking of you and would love to chat.

Rachtoteach Thu 01-Aug-13 15:42:03

* ago, not ok!

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