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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

I feel very low..... but this morning another mumsnetter cheered & lifted me up

28 replies

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:05

I have posted about my suspension from work on another thread, but I am pg, as well and even though I had the scan yesterday (tubal pg suspected as have scarring & previous ectopic). I am sitting here drinking wine, and I have just dropped from being really upbeat to downright low. My whole being is consumed by this crap right now and I would never ever phone a friend as everyone looks to me as their strong person. Does this make sense. I am not a whinger apart from doing it to Dh (who happens to be there) who chose not to spend the day with me today because I am so horrible right now.

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foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:09

:( UCM... I do know what you mean, but nobody, nobody can always be the strong person.
Must say I'm a bit peeved at your dh. So he just left you alone today?

ggglimpopo · 27/05/2006 23:14

With you here, UCM. You will get through this.

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:17

You're peeved (I couldn't address him for an hour), he is usually pretty good, but his explanation was 'we need all the money we can get right now'. Fecking bloke

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Earlybird · 27/05/2006 23:18

Oh UCM, you're really going through it at the moment, and I'm sorry.

Do you think the wine is making you feel morose? It always magnifies whatever I'm feeling, so sometimes it's better to refrain so that I can talk myself through difficult situations with clear headed logic. Are you the same?

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:18

I didn't explain what DH was doing, he was building a wall for one of our neighbours.

I just cannot understand why I feel so bleeding low. Its in my tummy, ribcage etc

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foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:20

Wanted to put it gently, UCM. For peeved read He should have been with you.
Don't worry about being a 'whinger'. Struggling with a horrible and unjust situation does not make you a whinger... could you phone the friend who is msot likely to understand that this time, it is you who actually needs support?

ggglimpopo · 27/05/2006 23:21

Do you have friends in rl not associated with your work who you could talk to?

jamiesam · 27/05/2006 23:21

UCM - is he doing something so that he doesn't have to think about what you're (both) going through? Might not be the most supportive thing in the world for him to do, but might be the only way he can cope?

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:22

I would say that the wine is cheering me up actually even thought I know alcohol is a depressant. The worst bit is I know I am going to have to have a termination, before you all pounce. I have a duty to my son, a proper duty, I don't want him to suffer because of my decision, which is possibly already made, it depends if they send me to a disciplinary. If they do then, once again, I have a duty of care to my living son. If they don't then I will carry on and be a mum of 2.

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jamiesam · 27/05/2006 23:23

Aww, UCM, you don't have to decide yet do you? How much longer can work string this thing out for do you know?

hunkermunker · 27/05/2006 23:24

UCM, did you see my post on your thread about your abbreviation? Did it identify your company?

I really think you need proper advice from someone impartial before you decide for sure on a termination. And I also think that you ought to take this story to the press before you decide on that, if it comes to it.

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:27

RL friends, I have worn my phone out today with incoming phone calls. 11 people from work alone have rang me. Plus all of my mates. My poor DS had to watch Cbeebies all day whilst I was on phone.

The people from work don't really count, even though it's lovely to be thought of. But my RL mates are more practical, BF is coming to stay next weekend. I am going to a farm for a day with another brill friend on wed, the friends who live closest to me are up my arse, one took me to the pub for an hour last night and another came round and cheered me up by making me do a card order I had.

I am so lucky in the friend department.

so why is it still easiers to talk to YOU.

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foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:28

UCM, nobody is going to pounce on you for considering or having a termination, it's just that none of us can bear the thought that unfair a*seholes at work are practically making you feel pushed into aborting a wanted pregnancy.
Of course I can only speak for myself here, but I'm sure that MNers will support you in any way we can.
Their whole case is too constructed and dodgy. Don't assume now that they will win, even if they do send you to disciplinary. Imagine terminating the pregnancy you wanted and then having to go back to work there... it could push you into major depression.
Nobody is judging you for thinking of termination. We are thinking of you and what you want.

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:29

HM have catted you

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foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:30

I suppose it's easier to talk to us because on the WWW you don't have (literally) 'face' to save/lose - you don't have to worry about breaking down in front of RL people. Which is okay (both breaking down in RL and feeling it's easier to talk on the web)

jamiesam · 27/05/2006 23:30

Sorry if my secondpost sounded judgemental in anyway - I absolutely will not be, whatever your decision is. I just don't want you to make a hasty decision in circumstances that seem just so, well, unfair.

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:32

Yeah, but I can't wait until I am 20 weeks pg and then find I need to support my family, this could (and probably will take months). My job was a 'job for life' iykwim and my security blanket has been well and truly pulled.

I have to act now, to save the situation. We don't have any savings, I lied we have 1,000 in the BS, I am trying to be practical, but also

'having a whinge' on here about the utter and total unfairness of it all.

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foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:36

If anything, I think (am no expert) any tribunal or similar might well find in your favour due to your pregnancy, as it would seem (and is ) inordinately harsh and out of proportion to take from a pg woman with an older child the means of supporting her family for the sake of a forwarded email.

UCM · 27/05/2006 23:37

No JS, you sound like a nice person, I didn't explain this particularly well, but recently Dh business flopped after 32 years. Basically, he was being undercut left right & centre. So everything went tits up, we could survive on my money just about and I asked him to retire, you should know that he is 54 at this point. This way we could not pay the 500 pm to the childminder. He said no. I think its a man thing, his father worked to provide etc.

Now I am pg, he is gutted as he doesn't want another child anyway (feels he is too old) we only have the one anyway,,,...... aw god I am waffling

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UCM · 27/05/2006 23:39

I just feel so totally & utterly useless and want to punch one of these bastards who are doing this. I NEVER offended anyone, so why am I being bloody punished..... I think you all get the gist......

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hunkermunker · 27/05/2006 23:40

Oh, sweet - am happy to post my email address on here - hunkermunker at gmail dot com - feel free to email me direct.

foundintranslation · 27/05/2006 23:43

:( I know how easy this is for me to say - Don't let them get away with this or make it easier for them to do it to you or someone else. I'm furious for you. Over here (am not in UK) it is downright illegal to sack a pg woman for anything but the most deadly serious of reasons, and this certainly wouldn't count. This should not be happening to you.

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jamiesam · 27/05/2006 23:54

UCM, it seems so unfair that as well as the whole work situation, and deciding about the pg, you are also having to support your dh (mentally) because of his need to support you financially.

I feel sure that what foundintranslation is saying is at least partly true in this country - tribunals will at LEAST take a dim view of dismissal or similar of a pg woman. More so if you are the only person dismissed. And even more so if it was your manager (I think?) who forwarded the email to someone i think you have said before would not like the email...

Can you press union or cab or someone for early first meeting with your employers???

UCM · 28/05/2006 00:03

I only told them of the pg when I was called in to the interview. Reason being because I didn't want to be left without transport home.

2 Days later, my manager said 'Oh you are pg are you? Well I need to ask you if you are feeling well enough to carry on' FFS. He didn't believe me and I felt like those women who were to be hung in the 1800's who pled their belly!!!!!!!

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UCM · 28/05/2006 00:05

Once again, thank you, I have never ever needed the support before, in fact I wondered how anyone could come on here and lay their life bare. But guess what, I knew exactly where to come, you lot have really helped me, more so than RL. So thanks

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