Can't do this anymore

[CallMeDaughter]

I can't continue fighting to survive anymore, it all too much and I'm frightened I may hurt myself badly soon..

I've been horribly emotionally abused by my mother and step father all my life. He would come into my room at night to sneer names at me, made up lies against me, tried to get me into bed when I was 15 and constantly "changed the rules" so there was always something to berate me over.

I was called stupid, lazy, a waste of space, bitch, liar, slut etc. and told to get out of the house repeatedly because they were sick of looking at me and my mother supported each attack.

I was sexually abused by my brothers friend when I was 12 and it went on for 2 years but when I told them, I was blamed for being stupid and allowing myself to be hurt

My first relationship at 16 was emotionally, sexually and psychology abusive and went on for 5 years, again I got no family help or support.

Nobody believes me and I'm alone with my pain. I'm in therapy and on medication now but none of it helps. I can barely function because of the flash backs and nightmares.

I don't want to kill myself but I want to die. I imagine stepping out in front of a car every day and ending it all.
I don't even belong here, I'm not a parent but everyone I've reached out to in RL has called me a liar and shunned me.
I've been branded a liar and trouble maker because of the stories my mother and SD constructed over the years but I'm not making this up..

I just want help and to be believed..

[silverbaubles33]

Have you got someone with you?

You poor thing, you have been so brave to get this far.

Nobody should have to deal alone with the repercussions of this kind of abuse.

Perhaps if you start with your GP you can start the process of getting professional help to start dealing with the abuse and beginning to be heard and believed which is your absolute right.

I am so very very sorry and sad for you that you are deali g with such horror and terrible memories.

[silverbaubles33]

Sorry, just seen you are in therapy.

Can you go back to wherever you were referred the first time as clearly your current therapist is not the right fit for you?

Who is not believing you? Can your therapist work with you on who and how to disclose to so that you aren't so vulnerable?

[Chanatan]

I believe you,take out the sexual abuse and I could have written your post.They have taken your self esteem and left you feeling shit.
I cant give you any advice or suggest any help but anybody,parent or not is welcome on this site.
It may be worth taking a look at this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1698597-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families,a thread with others who have suffered emotional abuse from their families.

[CallMeDaughter]

I've nobody with me, no one wants to know. My brother initially believed me but now defends their actions because I was a "troubled teenager".

I lived with my mother on weekends while my brothers stayed with my DF. They've never experienced her evil side so can't believe she would do or say anything like that.

She's got to everyone first, all the stories she made up to cover their tracks only make me look crazy and irrational.

I've been assessed by a psychologist in the hospital, visited by the crisis team, I'm on meds, seeing a therapist and doing Cognitive Therapy but I still feel in a black hole with no escape.

[CallMeDaughter]

silverbaubles So far I've told my brothers and my godmother but they had already been told the story from my mothers point of view and so think I'm over reacting and making it up.

[potatofactory]

I'm so sorry about all that has happened. You are articulate, clear and brave xx

[Ilikethebreeze]

Feel I should post something but I am not sure what.
Are you religious at all?
Church groups can be helpful to some people.