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Oh crapola - seeing stuff again

(27 Posts)
nenevomito Fri 10-May-13 12:36:19

I've been doing brilliantly over the past couple of months, to the extent that I was going to ask to be discharged from CCTT to Recovery. Work has been stressful, but I've managed just fine and have even been enjoying work again, just like I used to before I got really ill.

The past weeks have been great. No symptoms, no dark thoughts, enough energy to play with the children and really enjoy their company and get back into enjoying work and enjoying my life.

I had a few wobbles last week, but took PRN and it all settled down. I struggled to go into work yesterday, but went and did OK. I had a lousy night's sleep last night. Couldn't get to sleep and when I did, had lots of mad dreams and kept waking up. This morning I had to really force myself to go into work.

So sat at my desk, not concentrating very well and started seeing stuff out of the corner of my eye. Movements and smoke and shit like that. I've taken some PRN and have come home, but I just hope to god that I'm not going to go downhill again as this is how my last relapse started.

I am frankly hacked off. I don't want to relapse. I don't want to hallucinate. I just want to effing be well and stay well. GRRRR.

TheSilveryPussycat Fri 10-May-13 16:42:10

babyheave how's it going? Do you need to contact a health care professional?

Better to notice it and deal, than it get too far...

GracieLoo Fri 10-May-13 16:54:24

Really sorry to hear this. Maybe you've been doing too much. At least you're aware of it, please take care of yourself. I was seeing smoke last weekend, the strangest thing. Please be ok, this has upset me, don't want you to go back to the place where I am now, it's horrible x

nenevomito Fri 10-May-13 16:56:14

I have an apt with my care co next wed. Things have calmed down since I got home as I took some extra meds to keep it in check. If it gets worse over the weekend, I'll give them a call on Monday. It will be tricky to see anyone before then as my calendar is meetings central. I've got 5hrs of meetings on Monday shock not sure when the fuck I'm meant to actually do any work. grin.

It just worries me a bit. Last time I relapsed in dec, it started off fine - just a few dodgy thoughts and some mild hallucinations, but it ended up getting very messy indeed - off work, detained under 136 etc.

I will have to keep a close eye on things, I think.

msrisotto Fri 10-May-13 16:57:16

Sorry to hear this, good that you can realise and try to deal with it early on though. Are you feeling stressed at the moment? That doesn't help.

nenevomito Fri 10-May-13 16:57:30

Hey Gracie - its fine. I'm painfully self-aware, hence the PRN and coming home. I'll drug this bastard into submission if I have to! grin

nenevomito Fri 10-May-13 16:59:43

I've not been feeling stressed. I have a lot of work on, but have been handling it really well. I just wonder if its building up. I'd just hoped I was past this bollocks and was going to carry on being symptom free for a lot longer.

TrampyPants Fri 10-May-13 17:02:27

oh chuck, <squeeze> I'm sure it's nothing, but you are absolutely doing the right thing. December, it snuck up on you. This time you are waiting with a baseball bat. I know who I'd be betting on, lovey.

Elkieb Fri 10-May-13 17:21:10

Can you call crisis resolution? They might be able to see you at home. Or your old ward. The sooner the better really. Keep up with the PRN and keep in touch.

fluffydressinggown Fri 10-May-13 20:56:11

Rubbish rubbish. Contact crisis, take PRN, tellsomeone asap. Can you take time off work?

If you are who I think you are then, hello!

GracieLoo Fri 10-May-13 20:58:24

How are you now? x

nenevomito Sat 11-May-13 12:24:45

I'm not going to call crisis or the rest until I've seen whether I can self-manage with upping my meds. I've only to wait until weds anyway. I'll let you know how it goes smile

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 11-May-13 12:26:38

You sound like you cope with it really well. No advice sirry but wanted ti say I oove theword crapola and am going to make an effort to use it in everyday life smile

nenevomito Sat 11-May-13 21:07:16

crapola is indeed a wonderful word grin

I've been a bit zonked today as I've upped my meds, but better zonked than bonkers.

GracieLoo Sat 11-May-13 22:20:16

Keep going, you'll be fine x

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 12:35:48

Back in work and seeing smoke out of the corner of my eye. Also a bit twitchy. I have 2 hours of meetings this afternoon, one of which I am chairing, so I can't take PRN and I can't go home.

This is going to be vair interesting isn't it. On the bright side, it seems to be stress related as I was pretty much OK over the weekend. Hopefully the increase in meds will kick in soon and it will stop.

msrisotto Mon 13-May-13 12:46:54

Ok, you can do it!

Is there any way you can do some stress minimising stuff at work? from delegating, putting some stuff off, prioritising etc to relaxation exercises in the bathroom?

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 13-May-13 12:48:11

You may find that the Chairperson part of you takes over as it were, and copes fine. Rest afterwards...

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 16:39:24

It was 3 hours of meetings not 2. (doh) the last one was the one I was chairing.

I'm glad I'm seeing my care co on Wed now. One of the people on the VC on the other site looked like he had horns and that got me thinking about devils and god knows what else. His hair and everything then just started looking very devilish.

I managed to get through the meetings and stopped off for a large coffee to see me though the one I was chairing, but it was a bit messy as at first I couldn't get my words out.

Good news is that I'm completely aware that what is going on isn't right. Other good news is that I'm not in the least bit suicidal, which is what happened in my last relapse.

Bad news is that I can't really take PRN during the day as it leaves me too wasted to chair meetings etc and I cycle home with my DD on the back of my bike, so it wouldn't be safe. Other bad news is that seeing smoke and horns and having stupid thoughts really isn't a good thing at all.

I've got another 5 hours of meetings tomorrow. Hahahahahahahaa. Oh this is going to be fun alright.

msrisotto Mon 13-May-13 16:51:39

Is there any way you can reduce your load at work? To protect your health?

Also, can you take a reduced dose of your prn? Half or a quarter of a tablet?

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 16:56:59

I've already shoved two lots of meetings onto my junior manager which I really should be doing and I can't really reduce further. My mgr is absolutely brilliant and has limited what I do already so I don't have an unreasonable amount of work, I'm just going a bit bonkers.

half a tablet may work. I have two sorts of PRN, 25mg quetiapine and 2mg diazepam. I can't really split the former as they're too small, although I could try taking it at the start of my lunch break to see if the sleepiness has worn off, but its still keeping me stable. I could try halving the diazepam and just taking 1mg to take the edge off.

msrisotto Mon 13-May-13 17:53:10

Ok that's a plan. Have you tried any non medication strategies to deal with stress?

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 13-May-13 18:01:12

I was on quetiapine, but not for v long. Actually I couldn't have driven when the side effects were at their worst. Took 20 mg at night, I found that as I improved (was extremely sleep deprived) I got fuzzy for longer the next day.

If your meds are causing problems at work, then perhaps you need to review them with your psych.

nenevomito Mon 13-May-13 18:54:41

I take 450 quetiapine at night and I think I've just got used to it as I'm OK cycling in in the morning. Its not good taken in the day though.

I may go out for a bike ride at lunchtime rather than sitting at my desk. That may help blow the cobwebs away. I couldn't really do it today and I can't do it tomorrow as I have meetings till 12 and then again from 1. Could be worse, I've had days recently where I've only had 20 mins for lunch. there's so much going on at the moment, so people keep on scheduling stuff between 12 and 2 as its the only times when diaries synchronise for free time.

All good fun.

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 13-May-13 19:36:15

Do I mean 20 mg? 100 mg it may have been, down from 150 at first I think. Was recovering from a v short psychotic epi, from long term stress and lack of sleep (at least partly)

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