Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Ex husband help

(3 Posts)
Chipschipschips Wed 08-May-13 15:46:49

I split from my husband last summer and moved out from our joint house, since then he's been living in the house and paying the mortgage with his savings. He was studying a degree when we were together and finished it before I left but he's now stuck in what I think is a depressive, anxious, limbo state which is unsustainable and I don't know how to help him.

He is afraid of everything, there are no jobs in the field he trained in and he won't apply for jobs that he thinks he couldn't cope with (i.e. anything customer facing or in environment he thinks could be stressful).

Added to this is we have cats, all of which live with him and he refuses to part with them. I think he should move back to his home town to be near his family and friends but he can't do that because of the cats (he'd have to rent short-term and he can't find any cat-friendly lets).

Now I've had to tell him today that I need to think about selling the house because I'm trying for a baby. He took it relatively well but said he needed a few days to process it. He also let on that he's hardly looked for any jobs in the last few months.

He's seen a doctor and been taking Citalopram for about 2 months but it doesn't seem to be helping him. He's seeing the doctor again soon so I hope he gets some better treatment/advice.

I wish there was something I could do to help, I feel responsible for him in a mother/child way, and I'm worried that he might do something terrible because of the apparent futility of his situation.

cestlavielife Wed 08-May-13 16:08:49

he is not your responsibility . he is not your child.
he and his doctor need to sort this out.

you have a new partner and soon a baby?
he would be better leaning on his own friends/family - but you cannot force him to do this.

Chipschipschips Wed 08-May-13 16:43:19

I know you're right, if we'd split and gone our separate ways we probably would barely be in touch. As it is, we have to work something out because of the house. I think the fact that I supported him through uni for 4 years meant I effectively shielded him from the real world and now he's on his own, with his problems amplified, I can't help but feel responsible.

He does have some really good friends that would go to the ends of the earth to help him but he doesn't make the effort to keep in touch, they live 300 miles away. One of them even lined up a good job interview for him and he just didn't go.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: