I don't know what to do. I'm just so low.
I've suffered with depression and anxiety for about 4 years now. Been on Citalopram, then Sertraline, which I'm still on now. I'll go a few weeks at a time feeling OK but then I'll crash again.
I smoke to control my anxiety and I just can't stop. I've tried so hard, so many times and my anxiety has always just got worse to the point that I feel like throwing myself under a train. I know I'll never be able to stop. I'm terrified of what it's doing to my body, of being an addict or mentally ill all my life. Me and DH want to have DCs. More than anything. But I just can't stop smoking and that will hurt them, or worse.
I'm coming to the end of my PhD, no jobs in my field, no idea what I'll do next. I'm so tired and feel so guilty. DH is such a kind, gentle soul and I wish he could have met someone else. I wish he could have been spared me. I know I'm only going to bring him pain.
I'm sorry, I just needed to get this out.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.
Mental health
Feel like he'd be better off without me
13 replies
stripeyjimjams · 07/05/2013 14:52
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.