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Having a bad day

(3 Posts)
PurpleThing Wed 01-May-13 00:11:07

When we were still together I tried to talk to my dh about how I hadn't bonded with ds. His response was that I should leave and he would look after ds as I didn't care about him. Turns out he was the one who left. Minimal contact and cancels about half the time, usually last minute.

I feel like I have a prison sentence, a life sentence.

Yes ds is lovely and funny. But I feel like a nanny. I want him to be happy and looked after but I find him bewildering and exhausting. I don't get when people post about enjoying spending time with their dc, I try but because I know it's good for him not because I actually enjoy it.

"Don't throw your lolly stick at the wall, put that down, stop doing that, stop scratching me." All day and all night long (the scratching anyway).

I've seen various paediatricians as he's got some odd behaviours. They just look at the basics I'm sure: Mother with mh problems, divorce from abusive h = imagining things.

Bad day today, just acting up a group but I was ashamed for feeling so ashamed and angry and distant from him. I cried on the bus fgs.

My obsessions have come back (sorry not pleasant). I have these fantasies of having my bones broken and repeatedly stabbing myself in the face.

ColouringInQueen Wed 01-May-13 11:40:46

Dear purple are you getting any support from your GP or health visitor? A history of mental health problems and divorce from abusive husband means you clearly need more support. I really hope you can go back to your GP and be honest about how you're feeling now and get some more support so that you can start to enjoy being a mum just a little to start, at least. All the best.

PurpleThing Wed 01-May-13 21:27:39

Thanks ColouringInQueen. Yes they know about it. Not much they can do as it is circumstantial. I am getting support from WA but the woman I'm seeing has gone on Mat leave and my solicitor isn't getting back to me.

I don't feel like this every day. Had a better day today.

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