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AIBU to my mum???

(24 Posts)
soangryrightnow Mon 29-Apr-13 20:48:54

Have name changed for this!

I love my mum to bits & respect her & could not see myself ever surviving a day without her. she has always been my best friend & I always thought I could share anything with her.

I've recently had a mental breakdown due to various hardships in life but the most difficult being having to deal with memories re-emerging of my childhood sexual abuse. I've been self harming, having suicidal thoughts & hearing voices. I cannot speak about my abuse to my mum as quite frankly she would break down herself!!!

my brother has taken over the finances for me and is dealing with payments etc for me so that I don't stress over it. everyday this week my day has started with my stressing me over something. it could either her saying why have you given your cards to your brother why aren't you dealing with utterly yourself to when are you gonna start saving for the future??? everyday I've said the same thing "mum I'm trying to get myself better I don't wanna deal/think about any if that". it's like one day she will understand and the next she will forget about it. we've just had a conversation just now about something similiar and I finally spoke up and said "mum just don't talk to me about this stuff" she has of course taken it completely the wrong way and has walked off upset.

am I being really selfish and unreasonable???

sorry about the long moan sad

soangryrightnow Mon 29-Apr-13 20:50:26

I also feel absolutely Shite right now door upsetting her. I just wanna grab a knife and stab myself......

EverybodysStressyEyed Mon 29-Apr-13 21:00:44

don't have any good advice but didn't want to leave you unanswered

be good to yourself - your mother is responsible for her own upset and she will probably be regretting it now

MadBusLady Mon 29-Apr-13 21:08:04

Erm, to be honest she sounds a bit sulky and unhelpful. Even if you can't talk to her about your re-emerging memories, she should just take your word for it that your brother is giving you some much-needed help, and that's just the way it is for now. YANBU. You are the priority here at the moment, not her.

MadBusLady Mon 29-Apr-13 21:10:53

I hope you're getting all the help you need, counselling, mental health team etc? You're in a very rough patch here. Any loved one or family member that isn't being helpful to you, whoever they are, you just have to ignore them for now and try not to stress about their needs and feelings. You need all your strength to make your life better.

Finola1step Mon 29-Apr-13 21:11:06

I couldn't read your post and not respond. My heart goes out to you please speak to someone in rl tonight.

Please call the Samaritans on 08457909090.

They will listen. They are trained to help. We can listen but we are not trained. Please call them. And keep posting. We will be here.

MadBusLady Mon 29-Apr-13 21:15:09

Yy, what Finola said. I have to go to bed now unfortunately, but I do hope you talk to someone soangry. Please be assured it does not sound like you are being AT ALL selfish and unreasonable.

cozietoesie Mon 29-Apr-13 21:16:31

I'm guessing that deep down somewhere, she knows or suspects what your problems are about and can't face it - so yes she's upset.

That can't concern you now though. Support yourself and get some counselling.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 29-Apr-13 21:24:09

Hi there OP
We're not sure that AIBU is the right place for this so we will move it over to our mental health board.
our mental health webguide has links to RL advice
Hope you can get some support in RL and on MN
Take care
MNHQ

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 15:01:02

thank you all for your kind words & MNHQ for moving the thread.

I've just SH I couldn't take the voices anymore. they have disappeared now. I'm In hospital. they have just covered the scratches, cuts weren't deep as the knife wasn't that sharp so I guess a blessing in disguise!

I feel really really crap now though sad

Showtime Tue 30-Apr-13 15:10:52

So sorry you're in hospital, but hope this is the beginning of some real help, and that you'll soon be feeling able to deal with the past and recover.

Finola1step Tue 30-Apr-13 15:21:01

Have been thinking about you today So. Am really pleased for you that you are in a place where you can get support. Sleep, rest and gentle exercise are important as well as the medication. Good luck with your recovery. And keep posting on mn, we will be here.

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 15:57:35

thanks show and finola

I'm feeling out of sorts & a bit shaken but ok. just waiting for my family to pick me up. I've got a psychiatrist so will be seeing her over the next few days. Im just feeling bad for giving into the voices but I couldn't take it anymore!!! for now they have disappeared.

MadBusLady Tue 30-Apr-13 16:03:22

Soangry I'm relieved you've posted again and that you've got support now, but sorry to hear you SH again.

You're going through something very, very difficult. Give yourself time, forgive yourself for not getting it all right straight away. Have you got a TV to watch (if you're up to it)? How's the weather there?

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 16:16:38

weather is a bit hit n miss atm. the sun comes out then disappeared again. I've got my phone so just listening to music to distract myself. I just feel really really low now. I'm sure my family will be disappointed in me. I just don't want to go home to their disapproving looks sad but I didn't feel I had any choice when I SH I had to get the voices to stop. now Im just sitting here listening to music but in pain. in a way the pain distracts from the voices! I just hate the way it happens one min I'm fine & the next I'm cutting myself. there is no space between the two emotions & I know I'm going to have a rough night tonight. I'm hoping they'll give me something to help me sleep!!!

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 16:50:46

I'm feeling really scarred all of sudden as I know my family are on their way to pick me up. they will want explanations and I have nothing to say sad I know I was stupid to do it but I did it & now Im gonna gave have to answer a million questions!!! how can I put it in a nice way without sounded selfish and rude???

MadBusLady Tue 30-Apr-13 16:54:25

If you're still there, could you ask them for something to help you sleep?

That's very sad to hear you think your family will be disappointed/disapproving. I hope you're wrong. If you're not, then they are not helping you. Which is where we came in, isn't it, with your mum being (I still think) very unhelpful to you at a difficult time.

I hope the psychiatrist appointments go well. When is the first?

MadBusLady Tue 30-Apr-13 16:57:01

x-post.

Hm, I know I'm only getting one side of the story here, but your family are starting to sound not very helpful at all!

Would it be ok for you to say, "Thanks for picking me up and looking after me. I am really low right now and do not want to talk. I was very ill earlier but I have a plan for getting better, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on x day."

Or would that count as "selfish and rude"?

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 17:00:12

iI'll be seeing a Dr and a psychiatrist tomorrow so hopefully they can help/review my meds. thankfully they have given me a zopiclone to help with sleep tonight.

my family just don't understand my SH. they think they love me so much that should be enough to help me get out of my depression but because they don't know the full picture they assume. only one of my brother knows the truth but even after knowing he doesn't understand my SH. he thinks the same that because I'm surrounded by love I should be ok! but what is ok? when in like this nothing makes sense sad

soangryrightnow Tue 30-Apr-13 17:04:23

mad I will use the wording u have posted & hopefully they will back off. I know they only do it because they love me and want me to get better but sometimes just love isn't enough. I wish it was but it's not. right now I don't feel anything I'm emotions. I've not even shed a tear today & for me that's unusual as I normally cry over little things!

it's like someone has pressed they stop button in my brain. the only thing I feel is being very low.

MadBusLady Tue 30-Apr-13 19:21:24

Aw, I see.

I understand it's tough on them, but it's tougher on you! So I guess you have to make it clear you love and appreciate their help, but mostly YOU are the important one here. You need all the strength you can get, and you can't spare emotional energy for other people. So please try not to fret (easy for me to say, I know) if they get upset. Repeat if necessary: "I really appreciate your love and support, I am just too low to talk right now, I hope I will be able to soon."

Hope you get through the rest of this evening ok and your appointment goes well tomorrow.

soangryrightnow Wed 01-May-13 08:39:18

so as expected the whole house has fallen silent around me. they are not salying much which is a relief but boy their looks could kill. I slept enough the whole night thanks to the sleeping pill but I look n feel a mess today. just got up n got ready to go back into hospital. they have arranged for me to be on an open psych ward & also have arranged a pick up & drop off. I'll be surrounded by other people who are going through the same thing. I'm feeling really anxious sad

Finola1step Wed 01-May-13 15:35:07

Hi So. I h

Finola1step Wed 01-May-13 15:39:36

Oops. Posted too soon

hope you are ok and getting the help you deserve. You deserve to get better and feel better. I know that right now that seems so hard and far away but, you can and you will do it.

Your family are naturally worried and they probably don't know quite what to say. They are scared and don't want to hurt you.

Please take all the support and advice (including medication) that is available. Keep posting if it helps.

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