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Am I just lazy? (sorry long post)

(4 Posts)
Tilly333 Sun 28-Apr-13 15:59:22

A bit of background: When I was a child both parents were at work all day 6 days a week and basically I was left to fend for myself with my sister who was older than me. From the age of around 7 onwards we were left from 8am until 5.30pm which included school holidays. This was the 70's and not sure if it was the done thing but it's what happened. My sister went out to play with her friends and I mine, we were left with plenty of food and drink always a pound on the kitchen side for emergencies.
During this time I spent hours and hours on end watching TV, out playing and stuffing my face with food - well if it was there I would eat it and I have always suffered with weight issues since this time. I was always the 'fat' girl in class.
Childhood I thought was happy to a degree, but was always tarred with the fact that parents were never there. In fact we were spoilt not with time but with material things as parents were quite wealthy.
Since then I have yoyo'd with my weight the whole of my life. Sometimes being fantastically brilliant and before and after the birth of my daughter managed my weight fantastically for years.
When daughter turned around 3, I moved to another job which was very stressful. This has now ended with me being 5 stones heavier.
Which takes me to today - I am married to the most wonderful man you can imagine who has supported me though fat/thin and every thing inbetween. I am generally happy and have started my own business whch is going well and I am loving it.
However.... I find myself just procrastinating all of the time with when I am going to do things...I sit for hours on end trawling the internet saying to myself .. 'just five more minutes' etc etc culminating with hours of wasted time just doing nothing. I promised myself I would be more active / lose weight / keep on top of the housework / work on project etc when I left work - but find every excuse not to do something. Sometimes I just sit and do literally nothing. It's as if I regress back to my childhood and sit and eat watch tv and waste my life (summer holidays) away.
Whatever I do to motivate myself I find reasons to not to do something.. I really just can't shake myself into doing anything. Sometimes I can go mad, and literally be manically tidying cleaning and sorting stuff out, which makes me feel wonderful - but this is vary rare and only when I feel shamed into doing something as I cannot sit in my untidyness anymore.
I am equally aware that this is affecting my daughter who I feel my non activity is rubbing off on her. This really bothers me, but not obviously enough!
I think it is weight issues getting me down - I have even bought the Paul McKenna Gastric Band book and have only read half of it.
Can anyone else tell me they have felt the same - and how they may have dealt with this feeling. I am open to all suggestions. Am I just plain lazy - and have admitted it? Even just writing this I am putting off doing something else.
Is there any hope? Just to add I have loads of wonderful friends who I would never admit any of this to!

barebranches Sun 28-Apr-13 16:35:32

omg! i am just like this!!!!
i have no natural motivation... i have to physically force myself to do stuff... i always said im lazy...! but i didnt have an up bringing like u so no excuse...

WowOoo Sun 28-Apr-13 16:43:19

I'm not going to call you lazy or not.

I go through phases of finding it hard to motivate myself and then other times when I almost do too much. They cancel each other out.grin

You are stressed about your job. It's quite understandable.

But, you'll feel much better if you just do stuff. Don't even think about it - that'll give you a chance to talk yourself out of some kind of hard work or boring housey job. Just do it. Get on with the shit that needs to be done. Ban yourself from TV until at least 1 or two really boring tasks are done. Then, relax!

Get your dd to 'help' as much as a little one can! Tell her what you are doing and why.
By the way, I was left to my own devices a lot as a child. But not quite as young as you were. It did seem to be the done thing in the 70s. I know quite a lot of grown ups who did a lot of fending for themselves. x

ruthyroo Thu 02-May-13 07:26:11

I am not qualified to speak about this in any way other than being someone who has struggled with weight issues for a long time. From your post I would say that your over eating as a child was looking for comfort when your parents basically left you to it. So at a very young age you learnt to associate eating junk food with comfort and filling in the lonely and stressful times. I would also point out that the 70s were also the time when junk food really started to expand in the UK - especially the most addictive of them - high fat, high sugar. Please don't think that over consumption of these foods it's just down to your laziness or weakness it lack of self control. It isn't. When we eat junk food it gives our body a bit of a high, a rush of pleasure, gets the dopamine receptors fired up just as drugs, alcohol or nicotine does.

Putting the two together I'd say that hard wired into your brain is an almost automatic response to situations that you find stressful or lonely or unregulated or unplanned - you eat, usually something rubbish. It fills in the time, it feels good at that moment, it distracts you. At the same time it takes you out of the moment over and again until you find a whole afternoon has passed, you've fannied around and eaten rubbish, your dd had watched too much tv and eaten too many biscuits as well. But to your inner child that feels comforting - even though your grown up self can see what a boring, unhealthy, way it is to spend an afternoon - and what a negative lesson to teach your dd - hence the guilt.

The lessons were learn as children stick around forever and they are, in my experience, the default setting for how we are as adults. The ruts run very deep and changing those behaviours is truly one of the hardest thing s to do.

Labelling yourself as lazy doesn't help - if anything it's a get out clause! I didn't quite have your childhood but I recognise a lot of your patterns of behaviour in myself.

There are ways to change this, and it takes a while, but you can do it. For me recognising that I wasn't happy with my own behaviour was s big v step. So was deciding what to do instead. I find that having a plan for holidays etc helps.

Realising that my 'treats' were actually causing life to pass me by and were not positive choices, only patterns of behaviour that my brain find comforting because they were so familiar.

It's really hard when you realise that v your comforts are negative in your life. Finding new things to b replace them is probably the key
. Beating b yourself up out putting negative labels on it like weak or lazy doesn't help , if anything it pushes you back looking for more comfort.

Stopping now sorry for v the essay!

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