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I'm struggling, please help!

(3 Posts)
Ladyeddies12 Sun 21-Apr-13 18:03:12

My story... Had my oldest boy 6 year ago and suffered pnd but got through this myself. We have tried for 3 years for another baby and eventually I gave birth to another lil boy on the 5th of march. I was on cloud 9 til day 3 when I gd myself I was gonna die of a hemmorhge. After a week of stressing about it my mam made me go to the doctors and he prescribed me citalopram 20g I took them for a week. In that week I was in a constant state of panic.. Wasn't eating, sleeping or anything. I had given up. Crisis team were there for me and helped a lot. I chose not to take the meds anymore and had my first appointment with the iapt team... By then I had a fear of death.. Every pain or ache I had I thought this was gonna be it.. I truly believed I would die! Few times in a and e and the doctors I started believing everything was gonna be fine.

Have been nearly myself for a few weeks. Doin things I normally would.

Cut to 4 days ago and it's all gone crazy again. I had been having thoughts of what ifs? What. Of I go crazy and hurt my babies? I have never and never will do this. During my last pregnancy I warned everyone to keep an eye on me cos I didn't want to be that person, I guess I planted that seed there and then. Then on Friday I noticed lil man had one pupil bigger than other. I freaked out. Took him to hospital where they say he's perfectly healthy and they can't see it. I know it's there, my partner also seen it and the emergency doctor who I had first met at the hospital had noticed. Now I've been sent home and I'm cryin constantly thinkin something is seriously wrong with my baby and they have missed something. I literally can't relax. Constantly panic. I can't trust in what the doctors have said. What is wrong with me? I would take baby back to a and e just to be checked over again but they are deffo gonna think I'm a crazy woman. I'm so worrrrried. X

Posted this elsewhere but don't think it was right place.

bluebell222 Sun 21-Apr-13 20:37:29

sorry for you Ladyeddies12 sad.
is it pnd this time again do you think?
can you tell everything on your post to your gp, including about your baby's pupil.
if you see his pupil like that again take him to a and e and tell them your gp saw it before, too.
try not to panic.
are you still taking citalopram?
i hope everything will be fine soon and you enjoy your baby smile.

Ladyeddies12 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:27:22

Hi there, to be honest I think it's more the anxiety part rather than depression. I'm able to do everything as I normally would... And have been enjoyin the boys. No I'm not takin tablets no more, I stopped after a week and felt so much better with the help of some cbt and cin a pwp.

I had my lil babs to the hospital the other night about it, they dismissed it and said I was cin things... And that they were more concerned about me because I was crying.

Had my mam and dad over not long ago and they can also see the pupil, so I'm not cin things at all. My mam dad and husband have takin baby back to a and e just now... Hopefully they can put there foot down and tell them to do something.

Yeah I'm having a lot of support at the minute, family friends, hv, mental health team. Talkin about things makes me feel better. They say I'm super anxious and worryin about things more than I should. I was just startin to relax about things until I seen my baby's eye, now I've gettin myself worked up. I couldn't bare to think it was something sinister. He's just to small! Anyways thank you so much for replyin!!! Xxx

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