I just want to be valued

[novalue]

NCd but a regular contributor. Something just hit me today. I've realised what the core of my problems but don't know how to get past it.

My life's been very complicated. My career never really happened and I spent my 20s never getting into a career and not feeling like I was doing a good job. Met my now -ex. One of the main reasons was not feeling valued in the relationship - my views and opinions never seemed to count and it was like I was treading on egg shells whenever I tried to express what I really thought.

I changed careers but a new Headteacher arrived and pushed me out. Since then I've been doing short term supply teaching. You're there for a few weeks and then off. You can't make an impact and never really get feedback. Again- it's a feeling of not being valued.

All I want is to be valued and to know I matter. A friend of mine told me about her appraisal today. She was valued in the team and made good contributions. That's all I want - to have someone say that to me. I'm finding it really hard to get a job and I don't feel important to anyone. Except to DS.

This feeling has been going on for ages and I can't shake it. I'd love to know someone cared about me and valued me in a relationship and would love to have a job where I actually know someone looks at me and values me. It worries me how easily I can get to these feelings and I'm really scared I'm going to do something. I sometimes visualise cutting my wrists but it's the thought of DS that stops me. I've never done that in real life but it's a mental picture I paint.

I don't know what's going on with me. I know if I got a job, that would help a lot but it's just wanting to be valued. I worry about the future - especially financially. It's just so hard to get a job and I also have no confidence in myself if I could do full time teaching again. I've had interviews but not got anything

I think I've just fucked up my life, no one cares about me and sometimes I can't see the point. But I manage to get through another day. I just hate where my life is but I can't see a real future. Just living day to day.

[mydaytocleanthefridge]

novalue, are you still there? Are you ok?

A few things;

The feeling you have, lots of people have.

I don't mean, stop whinging. I mean, you are not alone, in feeling this.

I think that people (managers, but all kinds of people) aren't very good at making other people feel valued. We're not taught to do it. So we tend to give attention to those who shout loudest/who might be of political use to us, rather than to those who deserve it.

Another thing - you haven't fucked up your life - you have just had a bad patch - and you have defined this as 'proof' you've fucked up. But you haven't. You're just telling a cruel story about yourself.

Another thing - if you feel bad about yourself, you attract bad situations because you don't know how to recognise them and extricate yourself. You need to get some good situations behind you. Can you open up a tiny window in your week to do this? By volunteering? Painting? Cooking? Gardening? Anything that makes you feel good about you?

This is not the end, it's a learning exp.

[equinox]

Did you think about getting CBT to help you with the poor feelings of self-worth assuming it is funded nicely in your area I did try and get some myself but sadly the lady I really wanted was not available and in any case I cannot get to appointments of any kind as my car is off the road.

I do hear good things about CBT assuming you are lucky enough to find a counsellor you click with. Perhaps go to the surgery and apply through filling out the relevant form as far as I know they will put you in touch through their reception facility.

Good luck!

[novalue]

Thanks for replies. Everything really hit me today. I work as a supply teacher and it's been so quiet today as did not get work. I've got an interview next week for something not teaching related - I've had so many interviews recently and not got anywhere which makes me feel crap about myself. I spent the day thinking about possible questions and this just led to thinking about life again and what I've done.

I've had the opportunities in life but completely failed to grasp them. I look back on my life and all I can see is a life wasted and fucked up. I hate where I am in life. It should not have turned out like this.

I scare myself with my thoughts. My self esteem is so low and it's like I'm living day to day. I'm thinking ahead to summer and can see the money running out. I just need a positive break.

I have decided to contact the GP. But therapy and drugs will not get me a job. Something which I need.

[Hoophopes]

totally hear you, and hope you can get a job as it may well give you what you are needing.

[equinox]

Therapy and drugs will help your self-worth though which will in turn make you a more sought after potential employee.

[novalue]

Seeing GP Monday. Can't come soon enough. Feeling so lonely at the moment. No friends to talk to. I've never really had proper friends to talk things through with and there's so much I need to get off my chest. I've never seemed to have anyone who really cares about me - even my ex never truly felt that. I just don't seem to be able to let people in and that's reflected in everything I feel.

Dating is too difficult at the moment. There's reasons why. I just hate this feeling and don't know how to get past it. I've got so many issues. My ex has just told me he's got a "friend" up for the weekend. The same friend who he was going out with whilst we were on a break 14 years ago. Then we got back together. Some 12 years after apparently no contact, this friend is back in his life. He's been down to see her (just friends) and she's been up. But he tells me they're just friends. It just says so much about our relationship when we were together. It was never a relationship based on love. I felt it more than him but who wants to live with someone who does not want to be with you.

I've got little self motivation at the moment. There's things I know I should do but can't be bothered. My mind just gets full of thoughts.

[dogsandcats]

You seem to have a lot of issues going on and need to offload them.
Do you want to say some more about it all on this thread?
You can also pm me if you would like to.
Not sure how much help I can be, but I am happy to listen if you want me to.
Have to go to bed right now, but should be around again in the morning.

[novalue]

Saw GP today - really nice young man. Well he seemed young. Listened really well and asked some good questions. I do feel better today but it comes in peaks and troughs and it can just take one thing to start it all off.

He's given me some numbers for counselling - or wil refer me to practice counselling if the wait is too long. Did not advise medication.

He also said come back anytime to discuss stuff which was really nice.

(I also had an interview this morning. Will see how that turns out)