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Today is a down day. (It's long and pointless, I know)(7 Posts)
Hi, have NCd for this as I just want to vent really, not sure what advice can be given. But maybe I'll feel better for writing it down?
I just feel so frickin down now, like in some unbreakable spiral. Some days I can manage but recently everything has just come to a head and my god, I just wonder what is the point really. Everything is a struggle. Married for a pathetic 6 months before she left me, the shit I have felt since which has resulted in me being put on Anti-Ds. Had to move back in temporarily with my constantly critical DF, only feel ok on the couple of days a week I see DD, if I manage to submit anything decent to uni in the next couple of weeks it will be a minor miracle seeing as all I spend my time doing atm is sitting, staring just lacking the motivation to move.
To be honest I should be working on an Extenuating Circumstances claim for my assignments, but my anxiety keeps getting the better of me and I daren't contact the relevant people to help me with that. And I know this is the vicious circle because my anxiety stops me doing things, and then I get down that I've allowed it to beat me which makes me feel worse.
Everything is just a struggle. And I find myself wondering what is the point? I feel embarrassed because everyday I just see people getting on with their lives but I can't cope. I just don't feel like I'm designed mentally to cope with life and right now I'm struggling to see why I should keep going if I'm just going to keep struggling and feeling awful. Why bother? I'm not benefiting anybody by trying, I just feel like a shit, whinging burden on anybody who knows me. I've started crying now writing this because that is just how I feel. I'm stressed out, and I just don't see a day when I'm going to beat these feelings and my depression. And I'm so tired of trying. Why is just being alive so hard?
thank you for reading anyway, I've no idea if this has helped me or not. At least it's anonymous
Breathe and get through tonight. Tomorrow you can start again and it won't be as bad.
it's ok to feel down, you've been through a horrible stressful time.
do you have anyone on "your side" in real life?
could you defer exams and take a minimum wage no stress job to save some money and set yourself up independently? I hated the anxiety of having assignments looming over me. It's so stressful. What are you studying?
Other people do seem to get on with their lives really we
ll to me too - maybe some are just good at putting on a brave face?
Could you pick just one person to contact about your course? Maybe just a friend to help you or even just listen? It's the hardest step, the first one so make a small one - but make one ok? Failing that what about just a walk to clear your head?
:-) I've been where you are and it's no joke
Unfortunately I'm to far into the semester to defer exams etc, but do already have a p/t job and am saving up to move out as soon as I can. My main problem was starting out from scratch after the separation as my wages had been getting paid into a joint account.
I do have a great best friend, but I don't want to burden him too much. Tbh I haven't actually got in touch with him for a couple of weeks. I don't know why. Glad people understand though. Habanera, I do wonder if people are just putting on a brave face. I feel I'm becoming an expert at it.
But then things just get on top of me - I can feel ok, but as soon as one little thing gets me down, I just feel useless and it sets me off in a bit of a spiral of negative thoughts. Maybe that's when I do need to go for a walk? It just seems this last week or two I've gone from thinking I'm ok, to feeling just so inadequate and not cut out for this.
Thanks for the replies.
Oh and studying English Lit slightlybonkers . I used to really enjoy it. What did/do you study?
Oh, it sounds like you have had a really rough time of it lately. This is always a shitty time of year for students, so near but so far to that much needed summer break. What year are you in? When is your last exam this year? That is how i got through my degree - i would say "right, on the 10th of the month (which would be the day after exams) I can relax, it will be ok til then" and then get my head into some sort of zone because i was hanging on to the fact that sink or swim, on the 10th, i'd be relaxing. There is an end to that particular piece of stress. Would that help you to think that way?
Have you spoken to your GP? What medication are you on and how long have you been taking it? This is important becaue some ADs can make you feel worse before you feel better and it is imporatnt that you know you have some sort of back up.
Can you get out of the house to study? Away from the old guy? Change of scenery - library? although i hated the atmosphere of the library and avoided like the plague. Cafe? Do some reading? go for a walk, clear your head, read some more? No pressure, just do it while you are enjoying it, then put it to one side for a bit.
How old is your DD? I bet she looks forward to seeing you too - those are great days.
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