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I just need to get this off my chest!!(5 Posts)
Have been feeling really down recently, lots of things all getting to me. Sorry if this is long, but it's the only way to get it off my chest to see if i feel better!
DH is away, he has 6 weeks left of a 4month overseas visit. The kids are playing up something awful - Ds2 won't settle at night, he ends up in my bed, usually around 10, cos he won't sleep. Both boys have had their PS2 and TV/DVD removed fromt he bedroom, cos they won't stop playing it and because they are being so naughty, it's the only punishment i could think that may have some effect. Everythings a battle, from mealtimes to bed times, and every thing in between. I childmind, and have two brothers age 3yrs and 18months, i have them different hours every week, but 1 week out of 6 i get a whole week off, and 2 weeks i just have them 2 days. I also have a 2 yr old girl, who is very hard work. I'm supposed to have her every other week until 5pm, and the altenate weeks just till 1pm, when her dad is on nights, however i seem to have her non stop at the moment, as even when he is off, he never has her cos he's tired! She wakes every day at 4am, so is always tired and hits the other kids.
I have fibroids, was given the contraceptive injection to try and help and had bleeding for three weeks ( iwas getting through a pack of bodyform a day) and the GP kept telling me that "some women do have slight bleedin". They gave me hormone tabs, which stopped the bleeding, and now the hormone tabs are finished the bleeding has started again. I was ill a few weeks ago, and ended up going back to work early because the little girls mum made me feel so guilty having time off.
I was diagnosed with regional pain syndrome at the start ofthe year. I get pain in my joints, muscles and bones, and have done for over 10 years now, i've been repeatedly told it was flu, until January when i got the diagnosis (can't help but think she just said it was that to shup me up though), its now getting to the stage that i am struggling to walk when i get a flare up. The lfare ups don't happen all the time, i can go weeks between them, and then get one that lasts a month! I feel as though i've no time to myself, i'm not sleeping right, either because of DS2, or the pain. I get comments made if i say i'm not feeling right, i'm getting really stressed with the kids, i keep crying all the time. I was at my mums at the weekend, and my step-dad brought us back home and i was actually screaming at him this morning not to leave me. The virus i had a couple of weeks ago hasn't really left, i feel awful, but have been lying to everyone saying i was ok. My dh was all set to come back, but i don't want him to, as it's not fair to his career (unfortunately in the military if your wife's ill then your career is down the pan).
I had PND really badly after ds2, and now feel as though its come back - he's 6!
Sorry if this is long and boring but i am sitting here with one CM kid screaming her head off and lying on the floor because she wants the food that the 2 boys have. My head is pounding, i had an hours sleep last night, and have tears streaming down my face!
o hun, sounds like you are having an awful time
lots of sympathy and hugs
first of all, you do have a lot on your plate, so dont feel guilty.
if you dont want you dh to cut his work short, then you need to find some method of coping.
first, stop feeling guilty. and if you can do without the money, then drop the little girl. she soudns like to much hard work, coupled with an insensitive clod of a mother. in fact, if you can do without the money, id say drop the two brothers as well.
you are ill, and ignoring it wont make the problem go away.
practical advice for right now, stick the kids in a pushchair, and go out. anywhere.
Just found your thread and wanted to add loads of support. You have a huge amount on your plate at the moment. Agree with Stitch that it would be really good to cut down the childminding/stress if you can.
In the meantime, find five mins to sit down with your boys, give them a huge hug and tell them that you love them. (Their behaviour is adding hugely to your stress and your stress is probably triggering off more bad behaviour. See if you can break the circle a bit.) When my ds1 is being really foul, I try to get a few peaceful moments (usually after several days of absolute chaos) and I apologise for being grumpy and say that I am really tired and ask for his help. We agree on two or three things that he can do to make a difference, we write them down, and I try to praise, praise, praise him the next day.
(It could give you the chance to negotiate when they get the ps2's back too - when they are helping you more.)
Good luck. Thinking of you. Let us know how things go.
Went to the doc today, and he prescribed me a low dose of amitriptyline, as apparently for people like me who have "pain" type illnesses, ME etc they are very effective at helping with sleep, so will give them a go. He has also contacted the rheumatologist to see if she will see me again before my next appt in August, he explained how bad the pain has been. If i can make the pain more manageable then the boys may be easier to deal with
Have, for the past couple of nights, also been sitting on the landing once the Ds are in bed. this, surprisingly has helped to settle them, especially DS2, who has been causing the most problems at night, no more running about, although last night it was 10.30 before i got downstairs, and then had to start washing dishes. Not ideal, but if it settles them in their own bed, all well and good.
If i can just get them to behave and stop battling with me over everything all the time, i may get through this!
Re the childminding, i cannot really afford to give it up, and whne DH and i were talking through his options regarding the next couple of years and his career, we decided to stay where we are now, based on myearning from CM, and hopefully giving us a chance to save a bit of money, He will go off the deep end if i say i'm giving it up. I'm not feeling as low as i was at the start of the week, but not on a high either. thanks for your comments though
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