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Please come listen(5 Posts)
a sahm and had pnd with ds (now 3), but have since felt a lot better. However, just now, for the last week, I cannot muster the strength to even get out of the house for him. He needs exercise and interaction, but I just can't.. Rather potter around the house. I just feel so tired and so fat (even though I'm probably only just a bit bloated from visiting relatives and over eating last week + am on my period, which doesn't help). I should say that I'm also a bulimic, but technically very slightly overweight.
Dh is self employed, but not making any money yet, so we are living on diminishing savings. There is great potential in what he is trying to achieve, but we just don't know if and when it's going to take off. I feel bad about dumping ds on him so often, as it's preventing him from working, but I just can't and don't want to cope with ds all day. No relatives ir friends nearby. Just us.
Recently a very good friend, with kids the same age as ds, moved hundreds of miles to be in the same city as us (we were not the only reason, though), only for us to fall out quite spectacularly (luckily others reassure me that she was the one being unreasonable one, but that still doesn't change the situation). I'm still massively grieving for that relationship and mulling over the reasons for the disagreements.
Posted too soon...
Just feel so alone and useless.
Also started my own business venture only to see very little interest. I know rationally that it could work if I just worked more on it (I have a business degree, so am not completely clueless), but I just list faith. And I just want to lay on the sofa for a week just watching telly and surfing the web. I'm so useless.
Sorry for typos etc. Writing on tablet while in bed (ds napping).
I don't know whether it's relevant, but I'm also trying to reduce my citalopram. Am now on half dose. Should probably go up again, but doubt it would have much impact.
Poor you. That does all sound like a lot to be dealing with already, even if not depressed. Is hard being at home with child all day (IMHO) and also hard starting new ventures and year friend not working out. Am really sorry can't think of amything useful to say but just wanyted to reply and all I can say is that things will get better, it does sound as if everything is loaded against you at the moment... And I do hope things look up for you soon? On the practical side would a mums and toddler group of some description help? Although when I was at my downest, I never could face them...
Thanks for answering Kate! I know it's hard to know what to say.. I wouldn't really know either. Just wanted someone to come along and just listen..
Toddler groups are good, but DS seems to not like to stay in any of them longer than 10 mins or so. Also if I get him to stay longer he drives me nuts with trying to slam doors in people's faces while playing chase etc., and then getting into a strop about it. I can never relax enough long enough to socialise with anyone.. Ditto playgrounds. Even a simple walk in the neighbourhood is stressful. He needs to be coaxed out somehow, then cheerily motivated to walk (he hates walking and I'm trying to get rid of the pushchair), and have fun where-ever. He is always whinging and moaning and wanting to leave places. It's exhausting. It's hard enough to go out and face the world without this battle of wills/reluctance from DS.
Eagerly waiting for DS to get his preschool place, but the school nearby is full to the brim, so he will only go in September (hopefully). He really needs it, and so do I! If I didn't have to worry about socialising him, I'd be a lot happier despite all this stuff.
DH and DS went out today to fly a kite in the park. I stayed in and binged/purged on leftover ice cream and chocolate. I wish I never had to get out of the door ever again.
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