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How do I help him and protect our daughter

(3 Posts)
emmylou157 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:03:45


I was hoping someone out there could give me a bit of advice and support. My husband has suffered with depression and anxiety for years and things are getting worse recently. He has given up a very well paid job as he couldn't cope with it and now sits at home most days. He is looking for a job but not very hard as not sure he would manage it at the moment. He is drinking too much and I recently found out he has been self medicating with diazepam he bought of the internet. On Sunday i found him cutting himself so dragged him off to the GP as didn't know what else to do which is where the diazepam thing came out. The GP has referred him to a psychiatrist but god knows how long that will take and put him on a reducing dose of diazepam to wean him off it which I have to control or he will prob just take too many and increased his anti depressant.

I have to keep going to work as he is no longer earning and was the main breadwinner so can't be with him all day. We also live 2 1/2 hours from all our family so they can't really help. Also his mum suffers from mental health problems and I doubt she would be able to help much as it might just make her worse.

I don't know what to do to help him and find myself getting angry as he won't stop drinking (not every day but when he feels down he drinks and it makes him worse). We also have a 2 year old daughter who I am trying to protect from all this. She is at nursery during the day and although we can't afford it she has to go because I wouldn't want to leave her with him all day. She knows something is wrong and is really clingy to me and won't even let me leave her in a room on her own at times. I know he would never hurt her but seeing him like this is not good for her. So I try to keep her upstairs when he is drinking and try to be normal around her.

He really wants to get better and is keeping in touch with the GP and applying for jobs. How do I help him?

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 09-Apr-13 18:04:14

Emmylou this doesn't sound good at all.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I'm not sure i can give you any practice advice but I do have some concerns about you and your DD. What are you and your DD getting out of this relationship? Who is supporting you?
Have you thought about seeking advice from Al Anon?

cestlavielife Thu 11-Apr-13 11:34:57

you cannot help him - he ahs to work with GP etc.

and he has to stop drinking.

stop hiding away when he is drinking - instead tell him he has to drink elsewhere.

or - you go elsewhere stay with a friend if he drinks. set your boundaries. you are condoning his drinking by letting him do this in the house...

it is not fair on you and dd. he chooses to drink...

go to gp and get support for you; speak to al anon, RETHINK, mind.

get a plan for leaving the house with dd and staying eslewhere if he chooses to drink. or tell him he must stay elsewhere if he drinks.

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