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Is it is possible to help?

(6 Posts)
babanouche Fri 05-Apr-13 13:13:52

My BIL is 31 & has been diagnosed with social-anxiety disorder. I think he's a classic underachiever. Lots going for him, if only he could see it, but as he gets older it's starting to look like his options are running out. He's never held a job for longer than a few months. He either drinks too much or smokes dope too much. ATM it's dope and xbox.

Something happened to him - I don't know what as my dp won't break the confidence and I wouldn't ask him to - and he's seen counsellors etc but stopped going when it got too hard. He also has a pattern of coming off his meds and relapsing. He becomes uncontactable for weeks on end. He has a history of self-harm, though not for a long time as far as I'm aware.

Had a chat with my dp this morning who obviously needed to unload. His parents are increasingly worried about BIL and what will happen to him if he doesn't get sorted. They bailed him out financially a few years ago and have been paying his mortgage since then. They're due to retire soon and won't be able to support him anymore. My dp is wondering if a short sharp shock might be more effective at motivating BIL to take control of his life - ie maybe his parents are enabling BIL to maintain his lifestyle. His gf has stepped back - BIL claims she was impatient with him, couldn't support him - but dp wonders if she feels BIL could do more to help himself.

Does anyone have experience of this sort of thing. Are there any good links I could go to to learn more about this type of situation? I'm very much on the outside looking in but perhaps everyone else is too close think objectively about it.

babanouche Fri 05-Apr-13 13:30:46

ps FIL's told dp he can't enjoy life properly now because no matter where/what he's doing, he's always worried that BIL may be about to harm himself.

cheekyangel Mon 08-Apr-13 00:34:55

Has he access to a service. It might be good for the family to arrange a "family group conference" if your MH trust has this service.......everyone gets a chance to explore how to support the affected person keeping in mind their own needs.

Does he have psychology on board? If not he should ask his GP. ATB to all your in laws flowers

LowLevelWhinging Mon 08-Apr-13 00:44:18

I'm sorry baba, it sounds very worrying. is a good starting point


it doesn't really matter what you expect of his life. he's an adult and can choose how he wants to deal with whatever his trauma is. But you can get advice from the above places. can help with anyone who is feeing desperate.

dontrunwithscissors Mon 08-Apr-13 14:27:21

WHat med's is he on? Is it possible he has a misdiagnosis? Perhaps bipolar (just going on you saying he's needed bailing out financially)?

babanouche Mon 08-Apr-13 18:49:19

Thank you everyone. I'll have a look at those links, LLW, thanks.

I've suggested family sessions to my dp several times in the past but tbh I don't know if the family's willing or if it's even appropriate.

As I said, I'm very much on the outside of this so I don't know the ins and outs of his condition, who's involved, meds etc. I did wonder about misdiagnosis, purely because he seems so at ease with us. Of course he could be acting,plus he knows us well. I didn't know bipolar was linked to financial trouble. I'll look it up.

After I posted I thought of course his parents must continue to support him. Withdrawing support to see if he stands on his own two feet won't change the fact he has a mental illness. But it's difficult when the illness starts to look like something to control people with. Perhaps those links will be useful regarding that and then maybe I'll have something to share with my dp and his parents. Thanks again.

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