I was going to name change but I won't. I do enough hiding in RL and I don't want to do it here. Many months ago I posted about feeling low here and had some amazing support.
I had a terrible childhood. I am successful, really loved with wonderful kids, house, husband, family. I am held up as a role model for others. I'm the go to person for any one with problems. I'm funny, intelligent, kind.
But I feel so low. My sisters who are v close to me suspect I am depressed but I hide it. I hide it from everyone apart from my hubby. I just cannot discuss it. If I do I feel like I'll sit down and cry for 100 years. Ogres up with a depressed violent mother so I don't want my kids to see me depressed. I don't want any medication. I just can't. I spoke to a gp years ago and was prescribed citalopram but didn't take it and never went back. I can lie in bed all day, I feel angry at myself. I don't know why. Angry unless I clean the whole house, cook from scratch, do an activity with the kids. If I eat something nice I feel so guilty. I need to lose about a stone but I'm not losing. My heart is not in it. If I eat, laugh or get a compliment I feel I don't deserve it. I am so tired of fighting myself. Hating myself. I want to enjoy my life, live each day. Instead I hide behind this mask until I am alone.
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Mental health
Really tired of fighting
7 replies
Bakingnovice · 02/04/2013 17:25
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