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Depression?

(8 Posts)
roughtyping Tue 02-Apr-13 10:26:20

I think I'm depressed. I think it's been going on for years. My life has sorted itself out and I'm in a very good place but I feel so flat. It's a beautiful day outside but I can't bring myself to go out. I'm so ashamed of the way I look. I'm so tired, all the time. I slept all night and I could honestly sleep all day. The house is messy and it's making me v anxious. I'm getting married in a few months and I'm going to look horrendous. I'm being a terrible mum to DS. I'm scared of letting anyone see how I feel (so if you recognise me, please just leave me). I have a totally different personality that's not real. I'm of no interest to anyone. I ruin everything. I just feel so sad just now. I've tried going to doctor before but they don't really do anything.

stripeyjimjams Tue 02-Apr-13 11:35:58

Hi rough, your post really struck a chord with me. First things first, it's absolutely not true that you're of no interest to anyone. Your DS certainly won't think so, nor will your DP.

Having all the nice things in the world doesn't guarantee perfect mental health. I read a quote from Stephen Fry recently where he suggested that depression isn't necessarily a reaction to bad circumstances, but more like the weather in your brain - sometimes it just is. It can't be turned on and off magically any more than we can decide we want it to stop raining and expect that to happen. But you can put your umbrella up until the rain goes off. That's what people who feel rotten, like we do, need to do.

I go on and off with my mental health. Sometimes I'm fine enough, but other times it will just seem to kick off for no reason. I know for a fact, though, that one of my very worst depressive / anxious episodes ever was caused by the prospect of getting married last year. Nobody was making me stressed out, everything was well organised, but I was so afraid of letting people down, of ruining DP's day, or of breaking down on our honeymoon. I was so, so sick last year, and it was terrifying. In the end, nothing bad happened on our wedding or honeymoon. They were both brilliant. But don't discount the stress of just wanting to do your best and being afraid that you won't.

If the doctor's been useless before, is there another GP you can see at the practice? Or, if you write down the way you feel in bullet points, you could take it along to them and let them see how rotten you're feeling. I think a lot of us are so used to putting on a brave face that we find it hard to drop it sometimes, and we end up looking OK to the doctor.

Do PM me if you want to chat wedding stuff - whether lighthearted or serious. You're not alone.

spanky2 Tue 02-Apr-13 11:46:54

Winston Churchill called it his black dog. See a different doctor . Does sound like depression . The tablets may make symptoms worse for afew weeks but in the long run they will work . Some days can be hard but they will get few and far between . You have done well to recognise you can feel better than now.

roughtyping Tue 02-Apr-13 19:43:10

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

OH has been great. He just wants me to be happy.

There's another thread in this topic and the OP is posting exactly how I feel. Feel like I'm going to have no friends left as I keep cancelling seeing people. I just think I'm of no value.

I feel like this won't end, I feel like I'm falling, that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. I want to do normal things and have fun, I used to be great. I've just finished work for 2 week holiday, I think this is what has brought it all to light - I'm not preoccupied and rushing around and thinking about work. I can think about my life and what I've done. sad

roughtyping Thu 04-Apr-13 11:34:09

Feeling a lot better. Going to make a GP appointment. Thanks for your replies smile

stripeyjimjams Thu 04-Apr-13 13:21:59

Good going, rough, do go along to the GP and be honest about your feelings. It's horrible, feeling like it won't end, but that's your poor, unwell brain telling you that, and that's something you can tackle with the right help. Good luck with the appointment smile.

roughtyping Fri 05-Apr-13 15:30:11

Just found out I've been made permanent (I'm a teacher, and have been doing long term supply). So that's a bit of worry gone anyway. smile

stripeyjimjams Sun 07-Apr-13 10:39:52

Just saw this, that's awesome, rough, congratulations! X

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