Voluntarily going into hospital

[BloominMarvellous]

Following on from my thread yesterday:

I have had an awful weekend, taken too many tablets yesterday and again today. I feel desperate because part of me wants to end it and part of me just wants to numb this madness.

The crisis team can't come out to assess me due to the weather and they made me feel horrible when I called them yesterday.

Is it possible to admit yourself to hospital for this? At least that way I'd have support and hopefully some way of getting rid of these thoughts.

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

Hi Bloomin, what did you take today? I think it's possible to go to the hospital and talk to someone - I was thinking about doing this last year when I was in a bad way. Do you feel any better at all? Have you got your DH with you?

[BloominMarvellous]

I took double the dose of my fluoxetine then DP walked in.

He is here but making me feel guilty because he doesn't know what to do. He can't barely look at me which is just making everything worse.

I feel better than yesterday in that I feel calm but as soon as I get home I want to take the rest of my tablets. It's like I'm waiting just to do that. It's like I've made up my mind and just accepted that's what I'm going to do.

I never thought in a million years those words would come from me :(

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

So did you have one diazepam yesterday? What are you thinking today? I guess your DH is just frustrated that he can't just 'fix' it - can you phone the Samaritans if you just need to talk without judgement/decisions at the moment? Also...have you done anything nice today? Eaten something good, put on music, had a relaxing bath? x

[BloominMarvellous]

I took 6 diazepam, 8 fluoxetine and 8 propanalol yesterday :(

A bath is a good idea.

I will also call the samaritans, just to get it off my chest.

Thank you :)

[NanaNina]

Hi BM no you can't just admit yourself to hospital. The referral to see a psychiatrist has to come from the GP if it is felt necessary and the psychiatrist is the only person who can admit you to a pyschiatric hospital, but why on earth would you want to do that. Admission to a psych ward would certainly not stop your suicidal thoughts, in fact they would probably be increased!

I have been an inpatient on a psych ward twice in the past, each time for 3 months and they are very boring and none of the nurses are really bothered about you, they just dish out medication. The food is awful and there are no comfy chairs because they don't want you to be able to lie on the sofa or cuddle up in a comfy chair.

I understand perfectly what you mean about not really wanting to die but don't feel you can stand the emotional pain any more and I have felt like that so many times. Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of severe depression and mostly it is suicide ideation (meaning that we think about it lots and plan how to do it) but would never really carry it out. Anyway taking extra doses of your med is not going to have any significant effect on you.

I guess the crisis team will be out to see you next week. Depression (which I am assusming you have) is unbelievably horrible and a real torment and I think this can only be understood by people who have experienced it.

[kizzie]

Hello. Sorry you are feeling so bad.
Just in answer to your original question ... If you feel that you are in danger and the crisis team can't get to you then you can go to A and E. they will have a duty psych usually. Take care.

[Fluffydressinggown]

Hi BM, I am sorry you feel so bad still :(

I will respectfully disagree with NanaNina - it is actually the crisis team that admit to psychiatric hospitals, they gatekeep all of the beds. They liase with psychiatrists and they have a psychiatrist on the team (or on call) but you don't have to see a psychiatrist to be admitted. I have also had a different experience. The unit I am in has lots of comfy chairs and sofas (I am currently on the sofa watching Legally Blonde on TV snuggled up in my duvet), and the nurses care a great deal.

All that said. I am not sure if they will admit you. They will want to work with you at home, hospital is a very very last resort.

I don't know if the reality of hospital is what you think it is, while my experiences have been better than NanaNina there are loads of negatives. The unit can be very busy and full of very obviously unwell people. As I have been typing someone has walked into the TV room and called me all sorts! It can be noisy and the nursing staff, while very caring, can be very very busy and they don't always have lots of time to spend with you. Shared bathrooms, plastic duvets, not able to charge your own mobile phone or laptop, sharing TVs, sharing your personal space etc. And it can be very very boring. There is certainly not therapy every day or anything like that. Being here does not change your feelings, although you can feel supported to take control. You may well feel suicidal here as well and then you still have to face going home and being in charge of your tablets again.

I think you need to take it day to day and continue to contact crisis as and when. Like I said yesterday if you go to A&E then you will most likely see the staff you are speaking with on the phone, the same team often covers A&E.

I think you need to give your DH all of your tablets to help you manage them. Will you be alone tomorrow?

[BloominMarvellous]

Thank you Fluffy, I am so grateful to hear everyone's experiences. I am just so confused right now.

I know being at home is the best thing. I can at least have the things I like around me. I think I am just terrified of what is going to happen next . I've gone from just thinking about dying to actually planning it and it scares me.

I'm currently having a very hot bath listening to music which is making me happier, then I will start on my lindt rabbit. And maybe get DP to get me a milkshake from McDonald's. That's the next few hours covered :)

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

Hi BM, glad you are relaxing a bit and hope you can then curl up with your drink - we're all here so expect an update from you at some point!

[NanaNina]

Hi kizzie nice to see you pop up from time to time. I am ok at the moment but never know how long it will last. Had very bad Jan and Feb and so contacted CPN and she wanted me seen by pysch who came out within a couple of days. He was very nice and has added another AD (mirtazapine) to my regular AD to see if it improves matters. Are you ok?

Hi FDG remember all your posts from past threads. Admissions may differ in different areas of the country because it is most definitely the psychiatrist who has "access to beds" here, and who has to agree that admission is necessary. The CPNs do work closely with the psychiatrists and my CPN was telling me recently that she wanted an old man admitted and the psych was saying "No Angela, definitely not" and the next time she was on the ward there was the old man.

Glad to hear you sounding much better and on a sofa watching a film - your unit is very different from the one I was in, and it was purpose built (bungalow style) and not that old either. However agree with all the negatives of being an inpatient. Hope you continue to improve.

BM It is scarey to be planning suicide, but it is something that happens in depression - wierd I know but there it is. Glad you are feeling calmer - I find mornings worse and usually get better by evening. Hope you enjoy the chocolate bunny!

[BloominMarvellous]

I am having a lovely evening, I'm feeling so much better tonight. I am relaxed and enjoying some rubbish tv.

SIL has made my evening. All she did was text and ask if I wanted to spend the day with her tomorrow but as my family have never done that it made me quite teary.

It's the little things that really make a big difference.

She will never know just how much that has meant to me tonight after the weekend I've had.

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

That's lovely! :) Hope you have a nice day x

[Fluffydressinggown]

So.glad you are feeling a bit better.

[kizzie]

Hi nananina I'm ok thanks. Like you - always aware of the blips! Glad you got the help you needed from CPN and things are improving.

blooming really good to see that things are easier today :-)

[BloominMarvellous]

Korma I am in the West Mids too. I don't want to be too specific here but 20 min drive from Wolverhampton.

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

Hello, Bloomin! How did you get on today?

[BloominMarvellous]

I had a really good day yesterday. Crisis came round and I offloaded to them. I went toy SIL and she let me talk to her about it. The kids were a good distraction too. I felt like me.

After a sleepless night and hearing things I'm back to feeling crap again :( more so as I know how good it felt yesterday to feel normal.

I am seeing my therapist today and I really like her so hopefully I won't feel like this all day.

[currentlyconfuseddotcom]

It's good that you're reaching out.
What sort of things kept you awake? Hope you enjoy therapist meeting and can do something nice today :)

[NanaNina]

Hi BM This is what happens with depression - you can feel like "yoursef" one day and totally crap the next - it's the nature of the beast I'm afraid. This has been happening for me for a long time and when I'm "me" I can't remember what it feels like to be crap and vice versa.

It doesn't matter if you are still feeling crap when you see the therapist but I know what you mean, but if you think about it, it's like saying "I don't want to go the GP because I feel ill." Sorry I don't know your back story though you mention another thread so I'll have a look.