hi snowy! so glad you found us again at the new place
hope the others find us, and of course all welcome old and new.
I feel slightly incredulous about the interview....best dust off my suit. Its in April though and chances are i'll be back at work....not quite sure what to tell them. I thought that job was long gone, i applied at the end of January. Only down side is its a big drop in pay....
im going to go to interview anyway. its practice. Plus if i am back to work before then, i will be able to weigh up better whether i want out or not.
so then. quick run down on me.
Am 41, married 22 years in April to very kindly DH. 2 kids, eldest is DS and is 21, has Aspergers Syndrome, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, is at the minute away for the final year of his degree in Computer Science. Its been respite of sorts.
Youngest is 15, DD, both kids very affable and generally nice. (though DS is hard work...)
I am currently suffering for the first time in my life from depression which has required medication, but ive always had anxiety issues. On 100mg Sertraline (which i have just realised i have omitted to take today so be back in a mo......)
right. im back.
Probably triggered in part due to the incredible stress i felt under in my job. Then the crushing disappointment in realising my dream job is a crushing disappointment - or maybe im a crushing disappointment....still trying to work it out.
I got into the police 2 1/2 years ago. DS was going to uni....yay i thought.....not to be though. DS is still very much a full time job, and i got myself into a bit of a pickle. My physical health suffered dreadfully and i finally gave up the ghost in November last year when my GP signed me off and put me on the sertraline. At that time i didnt really believe for one minute that i was depressed, but i was spending more and more time in bed, appetite went, energy levels were zero, i felt crap, i looked crap and i did nothing but sleep, my body was knackered, (verruca gate anyone? ) i felt drained. I had put it all down to working shifts. its taken until very recently to feel anything like back in the land of the living. So a good 5 months. I have been helping out at a local livery yard where im learning to ride, and that has been a tonic. Ive also been diagnosed with a hiatus hernia which is causing damage to my vocal chords. stress and nights apparently dont help. (no shit sherlock!)
the whole thing has been a surprise to me. I have gone through some very difficult times and prided myself on my ability to make like the duracell bunny....just go on regardless.
I come from a very dysfunction family, which included abuse and neglect, hospitalisations and social workers until i finally left home at 15. i did attempt to maintain contact with toxic mother and step father but 13 years ago i realised they did nothing but hurt me. I cut contact. ive had none since. i found out step father died relatively young (52) of heart attack (not bloody surprised - always wondered how he avoided bursting a blood vessel....he was a thick, sadistic, pathetic little bully boy who could not control his anger) mother attempted to get in touch last year - i had counselling and decided to keep my distance. ditto with half brother, who is very damaged. (identity crisis - wears womens clothes, is alcoholic, was homeless for 3 years and a heroin addict for 10 years....) so you can see what i was missing! i am the white sheep of the family....
im surprisingly sane considering (honest!)
DS had meningitis at 3 and was gravely ill and in hospital for almost 2 months, and took 2 years to recover. Through his childhood my life was a whirlwind of working part time, hospital appointments and fights with school to get his disabilities recognised as a special educational need....
then in 2004 my beloved sister died in a car accident.
Ive no idea why now. why i hit rock bottom only now. but i did. but im slowly feeling better. ive accepted that i did need the meds. that i did need the rest.
i thought i was perfect material for a career in the police, but the culture is hard, and i dont think i fit it. I also have issues with confidence.
this is now the 3rd thread - its been a lifeline. The ladies who post on here have been my rocks....my confidantes, my friends.
all are welcome. its a lovely place - full of warm and lovely ladies who chivvied me up when i need it and gave me space to do what ever i needed to do to aid recovery. Even if that meant staying in bed. Bed was my safe space for many weeks. I found we had that in common and i felt less guilty about it!
The thread title is because ed had a few associated us all with mountain ranges....im Ayres Rock, (which i love!) her impressive knowledge of mountain ranges has come in handy....and its a nice description. something majestic about mountains, and they are still there, standing tall, after all those years. So im very proud to be a rock to anyone who needs one, just as these lovely, warm and kind hearted ladies have been to me!
right. enough of the soppy stuff.
here is to the next 40 pages!