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I supported him and it made me depressed

(6 Posts)
cappuccinodays Thu 14-Mar-13 22:42:13

My now ex bf that is (recent)
I have previously suffered depression but I was getting much better at dealing with it. Following my divorce, I met bf. He has a lot going on in his life too and was medically retired from work (at 36) I loved him and supported him for 2 years, most of our relationship he was out of work. I tried to end it, but he became quite obsessive and was near on stalking me, turning up uninvited etc... He recently got work, with my help and I have also ended the relationship.. He made me so depressed :-( he was EA at times and grabbed me and pushed me over, pinned me to the bed once...
he then told me that I had "taken him down" with me and that he would blame me in time for what happened to him :-( so upset as I was genuinely trying to support him... all that time i have spent and now we have cut contact :-( I feel so angry at times that i did this and now he has work he is "off" so to speak... I feel used, I get angry and i am irritable/distracted and snappy with my ds :-( should i go and see gp?

ColouringInQueen Sat 16-Mar-13 19:50:29

Hi cappuccino,
sorry to hear about your difficult time with your ex bf and feeling depressed now. My DH was depressed last year and that has definately contributed to my depression this year (amongst other things). Tbh I'm not entirely sure what to suggest, but wanted to offer sympathy. You've nothing to loose by talking about how you're feeling with your GP, you could also do one of those depression tests (there's one on an NHS site), maybe you'd benefit from talking more about how you feel - do you have a good friend you can confide in? If not poss some counselling? Anyhow take care.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 17-Mar-13 12:14:00

You can find support about EA and the fall out from its aftermath on this thread

It helped me tremendously. I was depressed for years - but since divorcing Ex I have, amazingly hmm, made a full recovery.

nenevomito Sun 17-Mar-13 12:47:31

What a thoroughly unpleasant person he sounds.

What you've described is some serious emotional abuse and I'm not surprised at how bad you're feeling now.

Try not to beat yourself up about it happening. When you get into that kind of relationship, it can be really hard to see what is happening objectively until its over. Ask yourself if you would have it happen again with someone else and if the answer is no, then you can move on, knowing that you're stronger.

I really think you could do with talking this through with someone to help you deal with all of the emotions you're left with now. You may find after that, you're not depressed, but have been treated badly and need time to repair yourself.

The thread TheSilvery points to would be a really good and supportive place to start with.

tribpot Sun 17-Mar-13 12:55:15

He sounds like a real piece of work to deal with, even without the issue of your own depression.

You have been used, and you have been manipulated in accepting his poor behaviour being 'caused' by your depression. Time to let him go and focus on you and your ds.

cappuccinodays Sun 17-Mar-13 16:10:08

thank you for replying :-)
I will do the depression test, but it comes and goes so hard to grasp where i am overall?
yes he was unpleasant :-( obviously couldnt control his own emotions. Babyheave "serious emotional abuse" I know.. When i was miscarrying and try to have time to myself, he was obviously upset (understandable) but said to me he came "to make sure it was happening" surely no matter how bad you are feeling you dont say such things :-(
I have been in an abusive marriage (although not as bad as this relationship). no i wont do it again, however i also get this kind of behaviour and thoughtlessness from my mother so wonder if i just put up with this as that has always been the norm? no love?
definately time to repair..
tribpot, when i met him i was in such a good place following my divorce, everything was "coming together" so to speak, I dont know how it has happened or if it is events/his influence however i do think i have depression a little again (reactive)

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