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(105 Posts)
PlantASeedWatchItGrow Wed 13-Mar-13 12:31:39

Im suffering really badly with anxiety and panic attacks....saw doctor on Monday he gave me se tablets to take if the panic attacks get to much but they are addictive so can't take everyday. I don't want to take one incase I have a bad reaction or get addicted.

I just want to feel better again.....I can't cope with the never ending anxiety building inside me.

BerkshireMum Wed 27-Mar-13 07:05:49

I've just found this thread and wanted to know how OP is doing.

I suffered with terrible anxiety and panic attacks about two and a half years ago. I ended up resigning from a very good, senior job and spent two years as a SAHM. Financially it was beyond tough - we only just held things together and our lifestyle changed dramatically.

For me, it worked. I also resisted regular medication. I was prescribed citolopram but didn't take it. I did take occasional diazepam to help with the really bad nights and I got through, sometimes hour by hour never mind day by day.

Often, even when I got to sleep I'd wake in the early hours in a blind panic and then not be able to sleep again. My coping strategies were various but, if I wanted to stay in bed rather than get up and get busy, I'd either force myself to read a trashy novel (sometimes I read the same page dozens of times) or I'd play a silly game on my phone or iPad. I had to force myself to do it, but it did help a bit. If the anxiety got really bad, I'd get out of bed and make myself do something.

Taking control for the anxiety and panic attacks was the hardest thing and the turning point for me. It didn't stop them at first, but it made a difference not letting them control me as much. I second the importance of being able to call someone and just asking them to talk to you.

Looking back, about six months are a fog. I know I functioned ok, but I don't know how and I only did it because I didn't have to try and work as well. I still have occasionally night-waking anxiety attacks, but these are triggered by financial worries and I can manage them more easily. I start a new job next month and I finally feel I can cope again.

I do hope this, like the other stories, help you realise how common this is. You are not alone and you will get through it.

TooYappy Wed 20-Mar-13 12:13:28

I think sometimes people can act a bit OTT to hide their inner-self, I might go back to have a look but tbh having people with anxiety disorders running and maintaining the site can never be a good thing, you're always going to get a few people on a bad day and I notice some of them like me do not go out a lot, some not at all, that makes me think they get together online and have a good old bitch.

I'm pleased you escaped alive and SOH intact! grin

Healthsw Wed 20-Mar-13 11:23:53

Funnily enough...PTSD is probably what a lot of people have after visiting it, and leaving the site to avoid....the site. when you say that "people seem to be acting nice, for themselves" ?

tbh "different" might not be what they have in mind. "next victim" might be more appropriate.... grin

TooYappy Wed 20-Mar-13 08:44:45

No, I had a little look, it looks a bit fluffy for me, fluffy sites are usually deceiving. grin I had a little read, they don't have PTSD there so they may see me as 'different' which is fair enough as I am but.... I did look though!

Healthsw Wed 20-Mar-13 01:27:41

Yappy - oh, be my guest. Go and discover who and what is there. nmp is to depression what David Cameron is to the economy.

TooYappy Tue 19-Mar-13 13:15:22

The post about the 'no more panic' really should put me off going but strangely I want to go and have a look now.

Chandon Tue 19-Mar-13 09:25:54

I had anxiety attacks, on and off for about 2 years.

For me, I really needed to look at the causes, and see how I could change my life rather than just dealing with symptoms.

I really needed to take away some of the load, and make some changes to my life.

Do you know what your triggers are? Could you work a bit less? Get more help with kids? That sort of thing.

It takes time to get rid off anxiety and panic attacks, and I can still get them (crowds stress me, so going to London for the day would be a trigger, so I avoid that), but apart from taking meds, also see what (small) changes you can make to your life.

Healthsw Tue 19-Mar-13 02:12:39

Watch out on the "no. More panic" site above......its the lunatics running the "asylum". dodgy people in a dodgy place, trying to bring you down to their level. You might find some info there. but when they say the site is run by sufferers...they mean it. the admin & owner there are the low point. and their 'therapy' is often bringing you down with them…

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Fri 15-Mar-13 06:56:17

That's exactly what I've been doing but in my head instead of writing it down. Maybe writing it will help more.

Mornings seem to be the worst time. I think because I'm thinking of all the things I have to do during the day. As the day goes on I feel better hmm

I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't even matter If I don't get it all done, but deep down because I know it HAS to be done it makes me anxious.

Suppose it's like a daily struggle, I'm hoping will just get a little easier each day....only time will tell.

TooYappy Thu 14-Mar-13 15:29:25

Sorry I missed out some words. My PTSD makes my mind work too fast.

Anti depressant.

TooYappy Thu 14-Mar-13 15:27:21

I do the same, my counseller helps, well she tries to, she sets me tasks for the next 2 weeks, then I see her again and sh tells me what I have said I will do.

Try not to set yourself tasks which are too much. I do think if you really do not want to take medication talking over your anxieties can help.

I was on Mitrazipine (fat pills) but stopped them, they were brought in as an Depressant to treat Anorexia and they give you sugar/carb cravings, I was telling myself I was shallow for not taking them, so took them for a year and sure enough, I have gone up 2 dress sizes.

I now take Trazadone (since Monday), I take one at night with food as otherwise I feel quite sick and they seem to help with sleeping. Hopefully the anxiety will get better soon too.

I get sheets of paper for my CBT they help a lot a bit like this

But mine have a section for better ways to think, so say the situation was:

Going into town with 10000 of people.
Emotions: Panic/ fear/ anxiety - 90%
What is the fear of: So many people
What is the worst that can happen: confused Nothing really, they could all stare, so what if they do..[wimp]
Re-asses situation: Okay, lots of people but nothing bad can happen
Reassess Emotions: 40%
Result: I went into town and there were many people and it was fine, I felt a bit panicky but nothing bad happened

It's changing the way the mind reacts to situations

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Thu 14-Mar-13 15:27:01

Procrastinating is exactly what I've been doing for a few months now. And now I can see that. It's obviously been building for a while, but small steps, and I'll get it done. smile

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Thu 14-Mar-13 15:25:18

Thank you Lucy, your words have really helped. I've managed so far today without any panic attacks, underlying anxiety, but just about bearable, do I feel this is an achievement in itself smile

Yesterday was horrendous, but today when I've felt anxiety I've asked myself, 'what's making you feel like this?' then 'what's the worst that can happen?' I've been really dissecting my thoughts today and 'talking to myself' about why it's happening and that it's not that bad. Just got to get through. So at the moment I'm focussing on how I know I'll feel so much better once my partner is home tonight and what we could do (watch a programme together etc) and then I'll get rest at bedtime as, touch wood, I seem to be able to sleep ok.

I've also managed to eat small amounts throughout the day and have a feeling this has really helped my mood.

Everything that's bothering me, I just think 'ok, so what are you going to do about it?' it's not going to go away by itself so small steps in the right direction.

Glad you're feeling better about giving up work too. Must feel like a big relief not having that responsibility. Unfortunatlry I can't sub any work out, but have asked my partner to help me more and we will work through it together smile

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 14-Mar-13 15:05:26

Well, i quit my job and i feel better! Do you work totally for yourself or do you subcontract? Can you break things down into smaller tasks, things that are achievable by the end of each day so that when you finish for the day you feel you have done what you needed to do? I know exactly what you mean about procrastinating and this is a key symptom of anxiety - i do this ALL the time. I put things off because they appear impossible and then when i have done them im hmm about why i felt anxious about doing it because it was really simple. When i look back at some of the things that i have achieved i don't feel it is the same person, but it has my name on my thesis so it must have been me! I think anxiety eats away at your confidence and it becomes a bit of a bitter circle.

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Thu 14-Mar-13 12:22:41

I think I just feel like there is too much work and also I work from home with a little one. I feel like I want to 'go to work' and then enjoy my time at home. But instead I'm at home all the time and the work takes over making me anxious especially if I haven't completed something. But the anxiety makes me not want to face the work so it piles up more and more.

I think maybe I need to see a counsellor too, just writing it down I feel I nee to talk to someone to make sense of all of this. Maybe I can get to the bottom of it all and find out what I need.

What I really want is someone to tell me what I need to do for it all to go back to normal, but that's definitely not going to happen. Only I can sort this one out, but even I can't understand what to do sad

I really am just babbling now, I just know I'm looking forward to the evenings and weekend but dread weekdays so there must be something in that?

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 14-Mar-13 11:39:01

There are no rules! If work is stressing you out, no amount of medication is going to sort that out - you need to get that sorted out because otherwise you will be just masking with medication. If once you have sorted out your job you still feel bad then talk to the dr again. However, make sure that it is not your anxiety that is causing problems with work, which is how it was for me. Take care

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Thu 14-Mar-13 09:11:20

Feeling more positive today smile

Had a good nights sleep. Tried calling doctors this morning but their systems are down so can't book an appointment. Now I'm wondering whether I should or not. I'm not sure medication is going to work, I think I just need to sort out my worries and get more help from people with my work. Work is the thing that's stressing me so hopefully if I can get that sorted I'll feel better. I'm just not sure if that's a wise choice because I'm feeling slightly better or if that's how these things work? Can I just get better by sorting out what's stressing me or am I in need of medication and I'm deluding myself thinking otherwise?

pinkyponk67 Wed 13-Mar-13 19:40:43

Honestly there is no need to be worried about taking the diazepam, it will just take the edge off the anxiety. It will not zonk you out!
I am also taking an antidepressant venlafaxine 150mg for anxiety and depression but it takes a few weeks for this to kick in so the GP prescribed the diazepam as a short term measure.

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 13-Mar-13 19:32:55

You are definately not alone - you only have to do a search for anxiety on here to see how common it is. Try and get a good nights sleep there is no reason why you will feel like this tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day and you are recognising your problem - so tomorrow will be a better day.

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Wed 13-Mar-13 18:42:07

Even though it's horrible to say, it always makes me feel better when other people say they feel the same. It makes me realise I'm not going crazy and not alone.
Since I'm feeling better I can think about it rationally and I think it's been building for a while, maybe a couple of months, but came to a head last Friday when I had a panic attack that started this sustained high anxiety/more panic attacks feeling.

I just can't believe that I can feel so normal now but know that more than likely tomorrow will just be a repeat of today sad work is the thing that starts it off, although to be fair my first panic attack was Friday night so the weekend had officially begun. Who knows what's going on, only I can figure that out I suppose confused

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 13-Mar-13 18:18:51

It sounds just like me to be honest - the SJW is a herbal medicine that affects the seretonin system which is why you cannot take it with many of the anti-depressants as they too affect the seratonin system. The problem with SJW as well is that it too can take a few weeks to work and can cause agitation as a side effect. I have never taken it for this reason - i prefer drugs that have been tried and tested and are very specific the SJW has too much other stuff in it for me to be wanting to take that.

How long have you felt like this?

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Wed 13-Mar-13 18:17:53

I haven't taken any diazepam yet, as I was too scared and also had the st johns wort.
I think this time it's because of work, as two days in a row I've been terrible in the day and then in the evening been not too bad, but the problem is that we run our own business and so there is no one else to do the work, I can't get signed off or anything to have a break. No win situation really sad

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Wed 13-Mar-13 18:14:42

So glad your feeling better already Lucy, last Friday isn't that long, so it's positive that it's working that quickly. Do you feel you need to take the diazepam or that you would be ok without them, and just on citolapram? How many did you say you were having each day?
Can I ask what's caused your anxiety?

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 13-Mar-13 18:14:30

Yes it is, a strange and horrible thing - I find that i tie myeslf up in notes about doing things and then when i have done them can't work out what i got so wound up about. I keep thinking i'll buy an "easy" button - you can buy them in staples (the stationers) you press it and it says "that was easy" silly but it fits my sense of humour i guess (freak). I really think you need to talk to your doctor about long term meds, you wont be able to have the diazepam for longer than a few weeks and it really will take more than that. The tiredness is from the diazepam i think.

What do you get anxious about?

PlantASeedWatchItGrow Wed 13-Mar-13 18:11:56

No he doesn't know about the sjw my partner just bought it for me the other day when he got my multivitamins. I'm not sure what it's called. I get panic attacks and then high anxiety levels for hours on end, but then it subsides sometimes, like now and although I'm very very tired I'm not highly anxious.
Not sure if that's general anxiety or not?

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