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Want to self harm

(31 Posts)
GracieLoo Sat 09-Mar-13 20:54:13

I'm not expecting responses, just want to clear my head. I can't get thoughts of self harm out of my head. Want to cut, od or damage my already broken arm. In a really self destructive mood, and feeling really low. Don't know if it's just attention seeking (but I'm on my own) or a sign I'm going to have a few bad days again after being in a manic high mood for a few days.

CognitiveOverload Sat 09-Mar-13 20:56:29

What do you usually do to distract yourself? Would a change of environment help? Could yiu go and see someone or call someone?

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 09-Mar-13 20:56:54

Is there a history of self harm? Did you break your arm yourself? What is happening to make you feel this way? Please keep posting - is there anyone you can call?

milkysmum Sat 09-Mar-13 21:00:52

Even if you are 'attention seeking' this doesn't mean the emotional pain you are feeling is not real- we all crave attention at times there is nothing wrong in this- maybe you just need someone to realsise how bad things feel right now, maybe the self harm serves another purpose that only you know? Are you currently under a mental health team?? Could they help. If posting here helps divert thoughts from harm keep doing so- people are here to listen

GracieLoo Sat 09-Mar-13 21:07:17

Thank u, wasn't expecting anyone to care. Texted a few friends about meeting up tonight as knew I was getting down and dd is away, but no one was around so don't know why I bother. I've hurt my arm, the break was an accident, but just made it swell up a bit. And the pains made me cry which I think is what I needed. Yes there is a history of SH and I see a cpn for anxiety and depression.

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:26:04

I suffer from anxiety and depression too, its pants isn't it. I did SH when i was much younger but not now. So i do understand. I know this seems a bit daft but if you feel like you need a reason to have a cry, could you watch a sad film? i know that probably seems a bit mad but if you can have a sob about something that is disconnected from your self it might get rid of some of the pent up emotion? Its just said that the crying was wht you needed.

Why do you feel so sad today?

You can call the samaritans if you are wanting a voice on the end of the phone.

Distract yourself and don't be suurprised that people care, many of us have been in similar situations and have been able to reach out on here and get support, it helps me to talk to people in similar situations so talking to you is helpin ME tonight.

GracieLoo Sat 09-Mar-13 22:05:59

That doesn't sound stupid, I do sometimes watch sad stuff to make myself cry. But I don't need to now, I'm just crying in bed and I can't stop. Feel very stupid, my wrist hurt and swelled up so I just quickly went to the walk in centre, was so quiet so was seen straight away. Was told I might need an xray but it's shut right now so come back tomorrow, she wasn't too worried. I'm not either, think I panicked a bit plus wanted someone there. I wouldn't have wasted their time if it had been busy. But I feel daft now, and worse than I did before, plus my arm is now aching, all my fault.

CognitiveOverload Sat 09-Mar-13 22:17:18

No need to feel worse about that...thats what they are there for. Can you sleep? Things may seem less intense in the morning. Lots of people care, they just probably dont know how to help. Keep posting, there are people here for you.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 10-Mar-13 14:16:47

Hope you feel better today x

SisyphusDad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:57:30

Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you - thinking of you and wishing you well.

If you do feel like self-harm a psychologist recommended to me holding an ice cube: the sensation may provide enough distraction to get you through a really bad patch.

GracieLoo Sun 10-Mar-13 21:32:05

Thanks, I have been told about the ice cube thing, and an elastic band around the wrist. It's just not the same though, should try it I know. Hate Sunday nights as get so anxious about work, and want to cry whilst thinking of excuses I could use to not go to work. But I always go in and just get really stressed about it. Had a nice mothers day lunch today, but feel so empty inside.

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 16:39:10

Can't stop crying! Trying to get on with making tea and having a cuddle with dd watching tv but can't stop and I don't really know why I feel so sad.

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 12-Mar-13 16:41:53

dont have time to post much - will look in later - just to say im thinking of you x

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 16:44:34

Thank u. I'm so fed up of feeling like this, I can't carry on like this. It's not fair on dd. Trying to hide it but she's 4, she can see the tears rolling down my face.

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 12-Mar-13 19:27:30

What work do you do Gracie? You know, this weather is making me crazy, it really doesn't help does it - my nerves are shot and going for a walk always helps but not in sub artic conditions!!!

CognitiveOverload Tue 12-Mar-13 19:49:21

Have you been to the doctor, can they suggest anything to help you?

Athrawes Tue 12-Mar-13 19:56:19

Gracie, we get you. You could be any one of us.

Can you call these people for help...I know that it seems silly, and that we sometimes feel "yeah, but I am just being selfish and attention seeking" but you need to have someone you can call, if not this time, then next. They would rather you called and had a chat than had to pick up the pieces after you OD. You will be regarded as a better mother if you call for help.

Call Carers Direct on 0808 802 0202
Free, confidential information and advice for carers.
Lines are open 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday (except bank holidays), 11am to 4pm at weekends. Calls are free from UK landlines and mobiles or you can request a free call back.

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 20:33:32

I work part time in quite a stressful job, work long days. I see a cpn fortnightly, saw her today and she gives me techniques to use and I keep a mood diary. But doing anything is so hard when I get in a panicky, crying state. I want to just sit still, or lie in bed and not move til I can stop crying, not always possible with children. I can't stop the negative thoughts.

CognitiveOverload Tue 12-Mar-13 21:07:18

Is there any medication that can help you through the bad times?

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 21:33:02

I've taken diazepam before, might ask for more for desperate times. On a low dose of venlafaxine, but because of od's when I've been so sick I find it physically and mentally hard actually taking tablets now. Feeling so exhausted now, eyes are sore from crying, but I don't want to go to bed as tomorrow will come quicker and I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

CognitiveOverload Wed 13-Mar-13 19:26:42

GracieLoo, how are things today?

GracieLoo Wed 13-Mar-13 20:09:04

Had a long hard day at work. Quickly spoke to cpn first thing but I couldn't speak for crying, and didn't want to be like that before work. She's phoning tomorrow then off for a week which panics me. I'm all over the place, plus knackered from waking up too early. I know I'm not well but tried everything and I'm scared this is what my life is going to be like.

CognitiveOverload Wed 13-Mar-13 22:34:46

It won't always be like this. It's a blip... a horrible one for you to have to go through but it is temporary. What does the cpn suggest to help you through this bit?

GracieLoo Thu 14-Mar-13 09:34:35

Cpn is ringing today, but don't know what time. Chest feels tight, got headache, been snappy with dd so left her in tears at nursery which I feel awful about. Might just go back to bed as making a mess of everything.

GracieLoo Fri 15-Mar-13 15:53:03

I feel really strange today! Feel like I can do anything, nothing feels real

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