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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Can I report myself to social services?

43 replies

queencat · 02/03/2013 21:34

I don't know where to turn really, I'm losing control of my situation and I'm really worried I'm going to just lose it. I'm by myself with 3 children, I work constantly, my middle child has ADHD and is extremely trying.

She is always raging how much she hates me, hates her life wishes I was dead,

I just can't cope anymore, if I report myself to social services what will happen. I'm actually frightened I'm going to snap.

Please help me.

OP posts:

Report

Wonderland121 · 02/03/2013 21:38

I am sorry to hear this Queencat, I don't have the answers but didn't want your pot to go unnoticed. [hugs]

Wonderland121 · 02/03/2013 21:39

Do you have any friends or family near by who you can talk to or that can help you?

BoringTheBuilder · 02/03/2013 21:40

Can you not go to your nearby Children's centre/ Sure start, and ask for help?

queencat · 02/03/2013 21:41

No I really don't. I'm so lonely no one understands how I'm feeling, I feel trapped by my children and my situation. I actually think they are better off without me altogether. I really can't go on juggling everything. It's exhausting. I am making my children's lived a misery.

OP posts:

PeppaFuckingPig · 02/03/2013 21:42

Do you get any respite for your daughter? Are you known to social services? Have you spoken to your GP about how you are struggling?

Lucyellensmum95 · 02/03/2013 21:42

I am not sure SS are the first port of call for you lovely. They may be able to help you but "shopping yourself" to the SS isn't the right start. I suggest you go and speak to your GP and get 1. The right support with your middle child (could maybe involve the school?) and 2. Support for YOU, im not sure wht form that would take - depends what you need.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, there is no weakness in reaching out.

Wonderland121 · 02/03/2013 21:42

Can you take some holiday time from work to give yourself a break? do your kids all go to school or are they younger?

queencat · 02/03/2013 21:42

I had a family link worker come out and talk to me about the children and all she could suggest was sticker charts which really don't work! I don't know how I get help.

OP posts:

PeppaFuckingPig · 02/03/2013 21:44

queencat, you're brave to admit it. You're not the only one to feel that way, but you are so brave to admit it. I have only one child and often feel similar to how you do - am not trying to denegrate your feelings - just wanting you to know that you are not alone...and i have only one!
Please go and see your GP and explain how you are feeling. They are not going to judge you for this.

queencat · 02/03/2013 21:45

I don't get respite help her dad takes her very other weekend he says there is nothing wrong with her and its in my head. The way she behaved is so awful I feel like I hate her.

The school are really unhelpful and I'm battling with them. I went to the GP and they referred me months ago for counselling and I'm still waiting for that.

Because I'm the main 'breadwinner' I can't take time off as I won't get paid. I feel like I'm being negative but I can't find a way out.

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Lucyellensmum95 · 02/03/2013 21:45

You are exactly right - you cannot go on like this

You are exactly wrong - your children love and need you and would be devestated without you. Seriously, if you think life is hard for them now just imagine how it would be if they were in care and the only visit was to your gravestone. I suffer from depression and sometimes I play that image in my mind to keep myself going.

You are a good mother - you woudlnt be asking for help if you wasn't.

There IS help out there for you - Surestart? Doctors, HV are a good place to start.

PurpleBlossom · 02/03/2013 21:47

Are the children at school age? Our school has a Parental Support Adviser who would be able to offer support/ put you in touch with agencies etc. Do you know if your children's school has anything like this? Have a chat with their class teacher.

Xx

Lucyellensmum95 · 02/03/2013 21:47

Are you self employed? Otherwise you will be entitled to sick pay.

Go back to the GP tell them you are struggling and they need to get you referred sooner for counselling.

Be a squeaky wheel - go to the doctor weekly until you get what you need.

Why are the school being difficult?

lougle · 02/03/2013 21:50

Queencat, yes you can ask Social Services for help. If your DD has severe ADHD, she may be classed as a 'child in need' and be eligible for the Disabled Children's team. They can do a core assessment to see what support you may benefit from.

You might simply need someone to take her out for an hour or two to give you a chance to recharge your batteries.

Do you get DLA for her? Does she have a Statement of Special Educational Needs?

There is help available...why don't you pop over to the Special Needs section and have a chat with us? It's a great place to unload how frankly ground-hog day it can all be at times.

queencat · 02/03/2013 21:50

They are ten, seven and five. I just feel like I'm giving them a horrible childhood. Every day I start off thinking I'm not going to shout but she winds me up so much. I'm a nervous bloody wreck.

I give her everything I can and she still hates me. Nothing I do is good enough everything is a battle but when she is with her dad she is lovely. He walked out on us for someone else and I'm still being punished by her bad behaviour I feel like in ranting now but I can't understand how life got so fucking shit for me. I just can't go on.

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queencat · 02/03/2013 21:53

I don't know if she has severe ADHD her father will not accept the diagnosis. I don't know if Ritalin will stop the tantrums and calm her down maybe? I feel pathetic because I can't cope I just want someone to take this responsibility away from me for just a little bit,

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lougle · 02/03/2013 21:53

Ok..take a deep breath. It's miserable and tbh a real grind when you have a child who can't sit still for 5 minutes.

She doesn't hate you. She isn't even thinking of you. You are her safe zone.

lougle · 02/03/2013 21:54

Well, her father accepting the diagnosis or not won't change it, will it?

Who diagnosed her, when?

What are her biggest issues right now?

MajaBiene · 02/03/2013 21:56

Can their dad take more responsibility for them for a while? Could middle daughter go and live with him until you get on your feet?

IlianaDupree · 02/03/2013 21:57

Hi, I had a situation a few years ago and phoned social services. They didn't do much in terms of directing me to support but they did chat to me and supported me as much as they could.

I found help through asking charities, mind, women's aid (not relevant to you) and my gp.

Go back to your gp and stress how hard it is for you and can they please help with referrals for you and your dc.

There are people out there who will help, it just means a lot of phoning around.

Keep strong.

Lucyellensmum95 · 02/03/2013 21:57

lovely knowledgable post bout lougle there - do please take her advice.

Look - i have a seven year old DD with no additional needs, im in a good relationship and I shout and my DD in utter frustration sometimes (many times - most days) I am not proud of it, but mums do shout - its not ideal but it happens.

She is badly behaved for you because she feels closer to you than her father, she KNOWS your love is unconditional that you wont leave her - but he did didn't he, so the poor mite feels she has to be good for him or he wont see her. That plus the fact taht you are the one to do all the day to day boring stuff while he gets to take her out etc.

ARe you on any medication - it could be that ADs will be a real help for you. Please go back to your doctor.

We are all here for you - you are not alone and by far not the only mum to struggle.

JakeBullet · 02/03/2013 21:58

Queencat, is taking a break from work a possibility for you? I have been in your position and a year ago I gave up work after 30 years of employment.....it's the best thing I ever did as I feel like a human being again.a

Dealing with ADHD is hard, my DS is autistic with ADHD and can be very challenging at times. I am fortunate enough to be in social housing so at the moment my rent is paid etc although after 12 months I am now about to start work again. Not full time but enough to keep me same while being able to meet DS's needs.

Is there am ADHD support group near you at all?

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queencat · 02/03/2013 21:59

She was diagnosed privately last year with ADHD, I took her to see someone privately as the GP wasn't listening to me. Her father told me I paid to get the diagnosis that I wanted to hear and that if I gave her medication then he would take he to court.

Her biggest issues are that she has temper tantrums almost hourly, she refuses to go to bed, she hisses and spits at me , trashes her room, won't do as she is told, attacks get brother and sister. At school she behaves but struggles with her writing when she walks out if the school all hell breaks loose and she is horribly up until she finally goes to sleep.

I really don't know if her behaviour is ADHD or I'm just fucking it up and can't control her.

OP posts:

lougle · 02/03/2013 22:15

Private Paeds don't tend to lie, even if they're being paid.

Come over to SN...let us help you unravel it. We might even have some ideas on making life easier?

noraa · 03/03/2013 07:32

sorry for your situation :(,trying ritalin is your easiest option im guessing.

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