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Friend in need - wants too much!

(7 Posts)
JohnSnowsTie Wed 13-Mar-13 20:01:32

I too have a similar friend. I actually get a headache just thing about her. She's a nice person, but I get regular (long) updates on her health (she has ME) and it's all about her. She'll ask me how I am, but basically waits for her cue to redirect the conversation back to herself. Sometimes it's every day, and if I don't answer she'll text again and again till I do.

I do feel for her - but ultimately I have two toddlers and limited capacity for other people's problems.

I've always wanted to post about it on MN but have avoided it fo fear of a proper flaming. Thing is, if she were healthy I think people would see it from my POV - but the fact that she's ill makes me a Bad Person for complaining, doesn't it?

A1980 Mon 04-Mar-13 19:37:48

I have a similar friend. She has had job problems since I've known her, she's dished the dirt on all her family and her life. She has fallen out with someone at every job she's been in in the last five years, never her fault....she's fallen out with two very close friends recently, their fault of course.

She is aggressive and difficult. Finally I need help and am very depressed. She tells me I am difficult to listen to and won't anymore. She said it much ruder than that.

The next few days she sent me nothing texts about stuff clearly trying to fluff over it. I ignored her and took her off Facebook.

I've learned the hard way. The hell with friend ships that are not reciprocal

MrsBeep Fri 01-Mar-13 12:35:31

If she has sent the email to other friends also then do you know if she ever speaks to them too? Does she have family who can help?

ILoveBagels Thu 28-Feb-13 23:50:19

bearing other people's feelings is really hard and as you know takes it's toll when it's non-stop. how would you feel about saying to your friend that you aren't able to support her all the time as it has an effect on you, and that she might be best exploring with her therapist how to support herself a bit more in between her sessions?

Catsdontcare Thu 28-Feb-13 14:35:23

I would ignore the email about going over to label feelings!

Catsdontcare Thu 28-Feb-13 14:34:36

No you are not mean at all. I think it's time to distance yourself a little. Stop reading the emails for starters and when she phones start off by saying you have to go out in 15 minutes but can have a brief chat, then make sure you say goodbye after 15 mins.

grants1000 Thu 28-Feb-13 14:30:37

I am not sure if I am being too harsh with a friend, she's been off work for 4 years following a bike accident, takes liquid morphine everyday for the pain which she even says she is more addicted than actually needs if for the pain, she sees a psychiatrist, not sure how often.

Each week I get calls or emails from her wanting to vent and talk, it can be and hour or two sometimes, all about her. I have been there for her lots over the past 4 years, my step dad died in mid Jan and she's barley even said sorry for your loss and still picks up the phone and wants to talk about her and only her all the time.

I can't do it anymore. Final straw last night a huge long email about how her psych said she nevers lables her feelings so could I go round to her flat at some point in the next 2 weeks so she can talk to me about her feelings, she has also sent this email out to a few other freinds.

I am knackered and fed up of it to be honest. Am I mean? I have my own bereavement stuff to deal with, children, work, house etc etc. I really don't want to go but don't know what to say.

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