Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Mountain out of a molehill?

(9 Posts)
mashedpotatohead Wed 27-Feb-13 13:22:40

I feel so utterly ridiculous even writing this but it's really bothering me....

We are moving to a new area, which I'm really looking forward to. We'll have more space, better quality of life etc

The one thing Im absolutely dreading is mixing with established mum groups in the school playground. Im sociable, chatty & friendly but extremely sensitive! I have had my fingers burnt in the past too.

I have a long history of depression & anxiety which is simmering but increases when I'm going through a change of some sort.

One of my friends said that she thinks because I'm so open, sometimes the wrong type of person taps into my vulnerability & abuses it.

I had pledged to stand back & observe before rushing straight in but now I'm worried I'll just appear stand off'ish & aloof! I drive myself nuts! Any advice would be welcome.....thank you

amillionyears Wed 27-Feb-13 19:13:47

In my experience, it is never easy to predict these sorts of situations with any accuracy.
I have learnt that a problem is not a problem until it is a problem ifyswim.

You are understandably concerned about it all.
But equally it could turn out fine.

Good luck.

HilaryClinton Thu 28-Feb-13 11:56:00

It's hard actually impossible to please all the people all the time. Where some see "open & friendly" others see "trying too hard". Similarly Standoffish and Aloof is read by some as dignity & decorum.

I've moved and restarted from Zero on the friends front. I've made acquaintances that over time get progressed to friends. Others don't make the cut, but I'm still friendly and polite to them.

At the end f the day, you have to be good enough for YOU. When that happens finding friends that are up to your standard will be easy.
Give yourself time, but try to change the attitude to one where you are assessing whether you want to get to know the person better rather than thinking desperately how you can ease them.

Lastly, a new girl strted in my daughter's class on Monday. I sought out her Mum to invite them on a play date this afternoon. Some people know it's hard and make the effort for others too.

HilaryClinton Thu 28-Feb-13 11:56:46

Please not ease

mashedpotatohead Thu 28-Feb-13 13:13:53

Thanks million & clinton, much appreciated. I actually disappeared off here yesterday through fear of being flamed!

I think self acceptance a really good place to start.

I used to plan for bad outcomes that may never happen. Cbt really helped me with this, maybe I should get my notes out!

amillionyears Thu 28-Feb-13 13:20:47

There is not much chance of being flamed on the Mental Health boards.
It is very much a support place.

Yes, I learnt to stop getting worried over stuff that may or may not happen.
Because most of the time it didnt.

mashedpotatohead Thu 28-Feb-13 13:24:34

Thanks million. I did think that but it shows what sort of frame of mind Im in!

I think I try to prepare for bad situations because I struggle to cope when something does happen. I do get through it though & I guess I need to believe in myself more & trust that I can do it!

amillionyears Thu 28-Feb-13 14:06:35

Yes. I used to prepare for things, but when they didnt happen, I felt like I had wasted my time.

Also, some of things that I did worry about, when I got to there, either they were'nt quite the same as I was expecting anyway, or I was in a different frame of mind, and it wasnt much of a problem any more.

mashedpotatohead Thu 28-Feb-13 14:34:31

You're absolutely right million. I think I've just got into a rut of thinking in a negative way. Then somehow being grateful that something bad didnt happen. Sad really. I hadnt realised I was sliding again.

Bloody anxiety gets on my nerves!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now