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I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

(119 Posts)
MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:03:14

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

ILoveBagels Sun 03-Mar-13 16:45:54

hmmmm, it doesnt sound like you have fully 'connected' with your therapist. it's no good making excuses for him or whatever because in order to go deeper into yourself and really face painful stuff, you will need to feel totally understood and supported at the beginning. did you feel this way?

if you are attending specifically for severe depression, it would seem to me to be vital that the therapist has experience in this?

i hope i dont sound too bossy, i just feel strongly about people being given access to the right help with the right skillset.

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 17:29:30

He says he specalises in it but I doubt It. Seems more like a marriage counsellor (I should know I have seen loads!) I didn't feel understood or supported - like he was judging me in a way. Can I change counsellor?

I agree weds he must be good or he wouldn't be doing it.

WednesdayNext Sun 03-Mar-13 17:36:18

Being good at his job doesn't necessarily mean you will click with him in the way you should with a counsellor. If you're not happy with him / don't feel confident of his ability and experience then you should ask to change. You have to be able to work with him and trust him with your most secret feelings and you don't seem to have that connection.

Personally, I'd be wary of any counsellor who told me my anti depressants weren't working but to continue taking them, or if I didn't have confidence in their ability.

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 17:42:01

I will phone up on Monday first thing and ask to change counsellor. I was very wary when he said the ads weren't working but to keep trying. Alarm bells started then.

ILoveBagels Sun 03-Mar-13 17:44:25

I havent read back through every post to see how you came about this counsellor. Did you go through your GP or privately? Before I comment further, I live in Ireland so if you did go through your GP I'm not sure how the NHS referral system works with regards to changing therapist.

However, if you feel judged and unsupported at the beginning, IME it may well be worth changing therapist, you are perfectly within your rights to, and don't worry about his feelings, client's leave all the time. Therapy is for you, not for him and you shouldnt have to worry or justify your therapist's ability.

Working through severe depression is hard, really hard, and it would be my opinion that you need to feel and trust your therapist is able to stay with you through those really really hard bits.

Don't be afraid to ask questions regarding your therapist's experience at ALL. He is a professional and should be open and happy to discuss it, so you can get a true sense of how much he specialises in depression.

Don't forget this profession is not yet regulated in the UK, so anyone can open an office and call themselves a therapist. Is he BACP accredited? Does he work for a centre?

ILoveBagels Sun 03-Mar-13 17:46:47

Oh I've just seen your last post. Good call I think. Alarm bells don't sound for no reason!

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 22:17:09

Its on the Nhs. But in a health center place. Had a certificate on his wall with <name> <qualified at> in psychology 1:2. no idea if he's a qualified counsellor.

Dumper Tue 05-Mar-13 07:17:00

If you can, try a different counsellor. You need to have a lot of trust in these people and you sound a little dubious of him already.
I had a fair few before I found one I felt comfortable with.
I had one who sat and stared at me and waited for me to speak!
I had one who told me there was nothing she could do for me as I was too argumentative!

MelodyBaker Tue 05-Mar-13 19:12:43

I phoned yesterday and have asked to change as I can't trust him. They asked me to give him another go. I refused to as there's no way I'm going to improve if I don't trust him so I have a appointment with another counsellor tomorrow

Dumper Wed 06-Mar-13 09:11:30

Good luck Mel.

ILoveBagels Wed 06-Mar-13 22:11:09

Well done for sticking to your guns and insisting on another counsellor. How did it go today with the new one?

MelodyBaker Wed 06-Mar-13 22:22:48

I felt safe talking to the new one. She is very honest with me - tells me why she thinks I feel the way I do and how to help/cope.
She's older (40's) but told me she had counselling and realised she wants to help people like her. Who have had a hard time.

ILoveBagels Wed 06-Mar-13 22:31:02

That's so good you felt safe with her. And it sounds like she may have greater understanding and empathy for the place you are in, if she has also struggled in her life too.

ILoveBagels Wed 06-Mar-13 22:31:45

and come out the other side!!

MelodyBaker Thu 07-Mar-13 15:24:03

It's better to have someone who has been there and had counselling so they know how to ask/when to say things.
She's a wonderful lady. Very honest and trustworthy

Nagoo Thu 07-Mar-13 22:07:24

glad you feel more positive about the counselling mel

ILoveBagels Wed 13-Mar-13 11:53:16

how are you doing melody?

MelodyBaker Thu 14-Mar-13 17:47:28

I am ok at the moment. I have counselling tomorrow and cruise next monday, I feel calm and happy. Much happier than I did when I started this thread. I felt that if I threw myself under a bus, dd would be better off. I now realise that I needed help and had needed help for a long time.

MelodyBaker Thu 14-Mar-13 17:47:36

I am ok at the moment. I have counselling tomorrow and cruise next monday, I feel calm and happy. Much happier than I did when I started this thread. I felt that if I threw myself under a bus, dd would be better off. I now realise that I needed help and had needed help for a long time.

Nagoo Thu 14-Mar-13 19:20:47

That's good to hear smile

MelodyBaker Fri 15-Mar-13 22:34:30

Had counselling today. Made lots of progress, more than before. Talked about coping methods,why do i feel like this and how i can get my feelings out when i am really down.
It is my goddc birthday tomorrow- without his mum. I have to be there for him because he said to me "promise you will be here,promise you will do everything mummy did" and that is what i will do, i am not his mum but i love them as if i was.
My goddc and dd are my life. Without them then i might have thrown myself under a bus at one point - they give me a goal.

ILoveBagels Sun 17-Mar-13 13:57:11

hi melody how did the party go? you goddc sounds like he really loves having you there. it's so wonderful to be needed by children isn't it? I love the way they can say what they need and give their love so fluidly.

did you manage to identify some coping strategies for yourself when you are feeling low?

MelodyBaker Sun 17-Mar-13 18:03:28

It was wonderful. He had a great time. Softplay with his friends then a meal.

I cope by counting to ten, going upstairs away from dd for a short time period and screaming into my pillow. Screaming into my pillow is the most effective.

MelodyBaker Wed 20-Mar-13 21:59:39

Hello, i had cruise monday. It is good. I am slowly realising she is gone. It is hard to do but i know i must.
Helen was her name. She was like her name - bright and shining.
Was, why do i have to right that word. It should be is not was.

MelodyBaker Wed 20-Mar-13 21:59:56


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