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I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

(119 Posts)
MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:03:14

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

MelodyBaker Wed 13-Feb-13 21:45:03

Today was hard but peaceful. I feel calm having remembered the good times and celebrating her life in a good way. The worst thing was the meal - she had booked the table for 8 not 7. One empty seat that she should have been in.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Thu 14-Feb-13 08:36:06

Oh glad the birthday hasn't derailed you. Days like that are hard, but if you can get through you're doing great.

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 15:36:17

I have a cruise appointment Thursday and Nhs counselling two weeks today. I cannot wait to get some of this stuff of my chest and out of my system smile

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 15:37:46

I have been pushed ahead for Nhs counselling as I am severely depressed according to the letter

Nagoo Mon 18-Feb-13 16:10:42

That is good news about the counselling. how long must you wait?

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 19:57:49

I have an appointment in two weeks for nhs. I'm really pleased that I'm getting help

WednesdayNext Tue 19-Feb-13 11:52:44

That's good. Pleased they're not keeping you waiting too long

Nagoo Tue 19-Feb-13 12:41:20

So are we x You have been through a lot x

MelodyBaker Tue 19-Feb-13 19:13:15

<sniffs> blames her coldm
Really cannot wait to start. Is there anything I will br asked?

Dumper Thu 21-Feb-13 11:41:04

Well done!
I'm not sure what you'll be asked Mel, I've seen a few counsellors but it was a long time ago. They are all probably a bit different too.
I used to find that I'd think of things I wanted to discuss and then by the time the appointment came I'd forget or feel differently so I used to write down things when they popped into my head and take the notebook with me.
Sometimes on a good day it's hard to remember how bad you felt the day before, if you know what i mean?

MelodyBaker Thu 21-Feb-13 16:05:30

Seen cruise. Lovely fit man who listened and asked questions about how I feel, about my friend and some Ideas re coping. He will see me next Friday and will see If the strategies he's given me work. I have to take photos with me and we are going to work through memories and why I might be angry at the world.

MelodyBaker Sun 24-Feb-13 10:09:13

Have NHS counselling in the morning. Really dreading it.

Dumper Wed 27-Feb-13 06:56:10

How did it go Mel?

MelodyBaker Wed 27-Feb-13 21:12:02

Really well. Lots out in the open. According to him, the ads aren't working(!) But to keep trying.

Dumper Thu 28-Feb-13 06:57:02

How long have you been on them? Is it citalopram?

MelodyBaker Thu 28-Feb-13 21:36:44

Since august dumps 40mg citalopram a day. Very high dose.

ILoveBagels Thu 28-Feb-13 23:38:45

how did the therapy leave you feeling?

WednesdayNext Fri 01-Mar-13 10:59:31

If your citalopram isn't doing anything at that dose, you really need to have your medication reviewed

Dumper Fri 01-Mar-13 20:36:22

I agree with wed I've been on citalopram for a long time, they help me but I couldn't handle 40mg! I'm on 30.
And if they're gonna help you they should be doing their stuff by now!

WednesdayNext Sat 02-Mar-13 00:13:46

I'm on 40, and if you can't see improvement on a dose like that, something's wrong.

There's no point you taking that level of AD if your counsellor says they're not working.

Have you noticed any difference?

MelodyBaker Sat 02-Mar-13 07:22:20

I have seen a difference since taking them. I don't know why he thinks they don't help because they do.
Counselling helping - its good to talk and get all my feelings that I can't talk about to anyone else out in the open. I'm improving. Slowly but surely. Long way too go but I'm doing it

WednesdayNext Sun 03-Mar-13 11:04:42

If you've noticed the difference that's good. I'm concerned your counsellor says no difference though - but getting help and being able to talk about it will be the better thing long term. I'm pleased your counseling is helping you x

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 11:16:10

I was very open on Monday. Answered everything in detail. Told him how I felt and he seemed to jump to that. Because at 1 point I wanted to end it all he thought they weren't working.

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 11:16:57

He was young (22) and didn't have a great grasp of severe depression.

WednesdayNext Sun 03-Mar-13 11:55:24

That is quite young for a counsellor, but he must know what he's doing or they wouldn't employ him I guess.

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