This might be long. I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.
My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight. About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.
Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.
It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me. I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .
Am so sorry you are feeling like this, whereabouts in the country do you live. Is their any local support groups or mumsnetters you could meet up with? I have suffered from depression and isolation in the past feel free to pm me if you want to chat xx
I am so sorry for your loss, you have lost your best friend who sounds like she was very close to you so you are greiving. I think you owould benefit greatly from bereavement counselling to help you come to terms with your loss. Would it help to tell us a bit about your friend?
If you are going to counselling to get your head round what happened to your friend then you will not need to talk about the abuse unless you want to. I have had counselling and they don't tend to ask very much, they tend to let you talk more, if that makes any sense. See if there is a CRUISE bereavement counselling service near you if you are interested in discussing things.
Your friend sounds like a soul mate - you must miss her terribly, can you think what she would say to you now if you were feeling crap, what you might have done together to shift the grey clouds?
Has your GP mentioned counseling in relation to the issues you had before your friends death? I would think you could ask for grief counselling and not have to discuss your abusive relationship.
Would you consider cbt if that were an option? It might give you some coping strategies. Again, you could ask that this be just in relation to your grief.
My concern is that you're already taking a high dose of citalopram (I'm on that dose myself and been told it can't be increased) but you're still having what sounds like quite severe depression symptoms. Could you consider a change of medication or do you think some therapy would be more helpful?
Would you find it helpful to talk about your friend, or would that make you feel worse?
It sounds like you need some time and to give yourself permission to grieve for your friend without the pressure of being strong for everyone else.
I am going to phone on Monday about counselling. It has been suggested that I get counselling for both issues which may not be a bad thing. I find writing really thereputic. This threads making it seem so much easier to handle. Like something can be done.
I think I might take all 3 to see a film this week and a meal. We did that sometimes. weds I sleep like a log. Go to bed, sleep through never wake until about 6.
Counselling is a good idea, I know it helped my friend massively when she lost her Mum very suddenly. You don't have to go into your past relationship if you don't want to, but you may find that it helps you to discuss it.
Take care of yourself, make sure your GP looks after you too. Lots of hugs.
Grief moves at its own pace, you can't hurry "getting over it". Seek help, and accept any help offered, whether with the small things or big things. If writing helps, then do it. But also find someone to talk to - CRUSE has already been suggested, also your GP may know of other local groups. Take care, this is not an easy time for you.
Griefs a funny thing. I thought I was over the worst part the feeling like your unable to believe It and wanting the world tk stop. I feel like that again. Counselling and change ads. One thing I do know is I want to forget my relationship. Blank it. Dds the best thing from that.
There can be a bit of a wait on the NHS, i waited about 10 weeks for mine. It might be different for cruise, first step is appointment with GP and INSIST on counselling. As someone said there are several types of it, cbt is good if you don't want to rake over the past but want to deal with how you are coping now.