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Crying every day - what to do?

(22 Posts)
notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 11:44:49

I am crying every day at the moment. Can' t put my finger on why, but fairly standard set of issues really to do with the pressures of having very young children, DH long hours, me sahm after challenging career, bit midlife crisisy, other big pressures.

I did talk to the doctor and he said he would give me them if I wanted them but thought I could probably find other ways. I think that was before I was actually crying every day though. Maybe I should go back.

Would you take ads for this or would you try other things first. Have had counselling before but idea of a pick me up feels attractive partly cos i'm so exhausted by it. But scared about side effects and not sure if I'm in a bad enough way to justify it.

notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 12:08:09

I think partly I need to get my head out of this house and family, take it to other places to feed it and bring it back energised. Feel bogged down. I get very very obsessive about things - schools etc - need to take that energy for detail elsewhere...

notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 12:59:33


NeverQuiteSure Wed 06-Feb-13 13:05:56

I would go back to the doctors, without the brave face this time! I don't know a great deal about anti-depressants but lots of people speak very positively about them as a short term way to make the changes you need to create a happier life.

I would also ask the GP to check that there is no physical cause; thyroid, iron levels, even checking that any other medication you are taking is not making it worse (e.g. some contraceptive pills can exacerbate depression)

You sound really down, give your GP a call now and at least get the appointment booked. You can work out what to say later!!

notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 13:20:03

thanks for replying! Yes I guess I am quite down. When I read that line in your post it made me cry - again... I am quite run down - had a few viruses lately - so will ask them to check me out as well.

NeverQuiteSure Wed 06-Feb-13 14:20:45

Crying every day doesn't sound normal, particularly if it's been like it a while. Young children and lots of time at home with them isn't conducive to an easy ride though, particularly if you are used to a very different type of routine (been there, got the t-shirt..)

I'm hoping someone with specific AD experience will come on here later and give you better advice, these boards always seem a bit dead during the day.

You GP didn't sound very supportive, or perhaps I'm reading too much into that. Perhaps try a different practice or request another. It's good that they want to try and address any underlying issues, but it does sound a bit like you are up against it and that ADs might give you that boost to establish a routine and interests outside of the house.

notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 15:01:49

thanks. I'll pop back later. My gp actually gave me a lot of time - a long appointment to talk things through. That was a couple of months ago now - I don't think I was quite like this though I was very anxious (we were about to move house - they don't say it's the most stressful thing for nothing!!) but I was sort of on top if it -ish. Now I'm just too tired. And a bit confused.

notfeelinghappy Wed 06-Feb-13 20:36:02

Hi evening lot, anyone with ad experience advise?
I am feeling ok tonight. Instinct right now is I just need a good rest! But I did spend a lot of this morning crying...
Am also considering mindfulness, but can't find a course that fits with when I can go.

NeverQuiteSure Thu 07-Feb-13 07:17:33

Bumping this for you!

cupcake78 Thu 07-Feb-13 07:29:44

What do you want to do? The thing I would be asking is how possible is it to change your circumstances quite quickly?

I was a sahm and it didn't agree with me. Even now full days in the house are my downfall and I'm a much better person for working and having social interaction. My dh also works long hours and the isolation and relentlessness got to me.

If you can't do anything fast to make you feel better then I'd be going for ADs. I'm on them now and they don't take anything away but they do take the edge of and have allowed me to try and make the changes necessary to improve my mental health.

Things you may find helpful.
How often to you get out with the children?
How much company do you have during the week?
Do you have a good set of friends for support?
Do you have anything for you, hobbies, activities, groups etc.

You sound lost and trapped in your situation it's no wonder your not happy. Children are great but being with them all day everyday is not for every mum.

Smudge588 Thu 07-Feb-13 07:33:10

hi. sounds like you definitely need a go trip. ADs are great for treating anxiety and depression but it all depends on what the problem is. your doctor is the best person to advise. Obvious question but how are you sleeping? And are you feeling anxious a lot of the time? Do you get any time for you? taking a break can really help but its not always possible. If you could do some mindfullness stuff that might be good, things like yoga use similar techniques and that might be easier to fit in. from your suggestions it sounds like your mind is very active and you're looking for some peace from it. All the things you suggest are great options and will all help. its what works best for you. Hope you get the help you need. It's a awful time and you need plenty support. let us know how you are getting on today.

notfeelinghappy Thu 07-Feb-13 11:02:54

Thanks so much for your replies.

In answer to questions

I sleep well.

I have some support - very lucky - have a cleaner once a week thank god, have extra childcare once a week. If I didn't have the cleaner to help me back to square one each week then everything would pile up for weeks and I would let it and then after a few weeks a switch would go and i would blitz as I am good at transforming chaos into beauty but totally crap at maintenance tidying which I seem to find mountainously boring and soul destroying. I'm not that bad really - it was when kids were really tiny when i couldn't cope at all with all that - now I am much better but if something happens as it usually does e.g someone ill, it feels like everything unravels and I just feel completely overwhelmed and can't deal with it at all.

I have good friends - lots. I am lucky But my mum is not around and I miss her and that's a big gap.

I suffer from anxiety but not physical anxiety attacks ( I have in the past suffered from physical attacks including hot flushes, stomach cramps and even dry wretching. But that was years ago) Now it's more an obsessive ruminating about things and then despair that I can't get to the perfect solution and then I just feel exhausted and then I cry. I am obsessive in this way - GP asked me about handwashing etc. I don't have physical OCD symptoms but some mental obsessive tendencies which exhaust me.

I have recently been getting some time for me but generally use it badly surfing internet etc, and then feel a bit crap.

I have a very very active and creative mind, high ideas for life but a tired body that can't keep up with myself - hence I constantly let myself down by not achieving all/any of my ambitions.

I think I need more contact with other adults in a work way. I think there are other issues but that would buoy me up to tackle other stuff. I have started to do a bit of work but I think before dcs i always had almost too much - i seem to thrive under extremes. It's almost like i need a bit more outside pressure? maybe that's mad.

Also we have just moved and we are probably going to have to move our dcs into a new school and I am finding this upsetting. I would say this is the main trigger of my tearfulness and obsessive ruminating. But I wonder if it's a hook because there's not enough going on for me outside my family life. If I could switch myself off for a while I think ads would help but I worry about side effects etc. Trying to move has been a big pressure on my relationship with DH. I know this is a common thing. But it's left me feeling like some of our closeness has gone - we haven't always agreed on the right course and that's exhausted me too and somehow left me feeling less secure.

In so many ways I have a blessed and lucky life. I've had lots of challenges to face throughout my life and I have achieved so much. I deserve to be enjoying it more but can't seem to.

CajaDeLaMemoria Thu 07-Feb-13 11:19:54

I use ADs...have done for a while now. Sometimes they are the only thing that works.

The only thing I wanted to point out is that they don't often work quickly. It can take a while of changing doses and swapping medications to find one that works, and they can make it worse for a while too.

Would a referral to a psychiatrist help? Mine has been invaluable for my anxiety and OCD, which is very similar to yours - mental obsessions only. She's been much more helpful than ADs so far.

But, if you do try them, don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes you need an actual chemical change.

notfeelinghappy Thu 07-Feb-13 11:40:52

Thank you Caja. Are you feeling good at the moment?

Interested that you say psychiatrist rather than psychotherapist - why is that?

Have you been diagnosed with OCD?

I feel like I need to reboot myself, hence ads are attractive. But the taking a while to find the right track worries me - don't know if I could cope with that. But dangerous to start to feel comfortable with current state. I think I need to talk to someone and so interested to hear more about the psychiatric approach.

Many thanks.

CajaDeLaMemoria Thu 07-Feb-13 11:51:13

I have to say, I can't remember why I was referred to a psychiatrist rather than a psychotherapist.

I've had therapy before, and while it's helpful, it's slow and I find that I frequently return to where I was before and have to start again.

I was referred to my current psychiatrist in November. We talked about everything, and she was very helpful. As bizarre as it sounds, her knowledge of psychiatry made working out exactly what my mental state is a lot easier. I've had a few appointments since then, and we are working through things. I do have ADs, but changing them is complicated and despite being fairly knowledgable about my tolerances, I haven't found the perfect level of them yet. We are zig-zagging between them not helping at all and leaving me an emotional wreck, and making me numb and stare into space for hours.

I have a working diagnosis of predominantly-mental OCD, and the psychiatrist is talking me through that too. The symptoms are better since I've started to talk about them, and my anxiety is reducing too.

For some reason, psychiatry has really helped where ADs and therapy haven't so far, and a lot of people from the waiting room shared my view. I don't think there is a big wait for it, either, unlike therapy.

(I hope this makes sense!)

notfeelinghappy Thu 07-Feb-13 11:54:48


I had therapy for a few years - just about general life stuff in a way rather than a specific moment of feeling mentally a bit vulnerable like I am now.

I did find it very helpful for a while but by the end I felt it was just a place where I went to say my ruminations out loud and it was just another part of the circle. It just seemed to stop helping.

Will speak to GP.

CajaDeLaMemoria Thu 07-Feb-13 12:13:03

It's well worth it smile

I am happier. I'm in a better place...I'm less anxious, I do my mental obsessions less, I sleep better (generally) and I am so much more productive it's untrue. I've gone a month today without crying!!

I hope they can fit you in soon, too.

notfeelinghappy Thu 07-Feb-13 12:22:27

I'm so pleased you're feeling better. Well done for taking action. I will get on the case. Sometimes you slip into the habit of something and start to accept it as normal when you shouldn't. A bit of springtime wouldn't go amiss either!

gingeroots Fri 08-Feb-13 08:42:58

Try GP and hopefully get AD's .

GP may also refer you therapy .

Good luck - and it's really not normal to cry all the time .

gingeroots Fri 08-Feb-13 08:43:38

Dont mean you're abnormal !
Just that you need help .

coxspippin Thu 28-Feb-13 14:12:29

notfeelinghappy- are you feeling better or still crying in the day? i have been crying daily since last september but this last week have had some cry free days.
cajadelamemoria- can you tell us more how your psychiatrist helped you with the mental OCD, which i suffer with too; without AD'S or therapy? please don't write about it if it's too private.

notfeelinghappy Mon 18-Mar-13 11:58:32

sorry not returned to this thread for a while.

update I have not been crying every day but am exhausted by the churning obsessive thoughts and the despondency that comes with not finding resolution to them.

They have been brought to a bit of a head by moving house and recently being offered a local school place. I am feeling in a complete mess about moving the dcs - we are commuting back to their old school at the moment.

I went back to a different - female - GP who referred me to a psychiatrist. I went private as I am desperate to move things on quickly.

She listened for a long time and thinks I do have some OCD type issues with the way I think and process things, and also some elements of PTSD (long story) I thought she was great and it was great to have a more medical diagnosis than you get from a psychotherapist.

She thinks my chances of good progress are excellent and has referred me to a CBT type therapist.

I have also started on 10mg Citalopram. She said she wasn't going to force me but that she did think I was quite unwell and it would help.

I took the first one without hesitation and am now on day 4. I have had some mild side effects and can't wait to feel better having read some very positive threads on here. tbh I should have done this years ago.

Thanks for help on here. I think I had just got to the point of tolerating my mental state instead of recognising it wasn't really right!

Re current dilemma re schools still don't really know what to do. Psych said she doesn't think it's a good time to be making decisions.

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