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Bipolar support thread?

(513 Posts)
Crawling Sun 03-Feb-13 19:04:00

Ive noticed there are quite a few of us and thought maybe a thread for us would be good. All are welcome those diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis.

Ill start with Ive been depressed so long now I dont remember how I used to feel, yet id still prefer this to mania as the havoc I reaked last time was very painful to clean up after my episode. If I had to chart my mood today between 1-10 1 being I cant think how to make a cup of tea and 5 being good 10 being the tv is talking to me and I must go out now im about a 3 today what about you guys?

DiamondDoris Tue 19-Feb-13 21:14:07

Hello all, I'm bipolar 2. Mood good/stable. On 300mg of lamotrigine only but seems to work. Last manic episode was spring - summer, so I'm expecting one soon. Have been down since September before I reached therapeutic level of 300mg (for me) - seems like I need loads of the stuff.

Crawling Tue 19-Feb-13 21:38:04

Mummylin Thank you for your kind post it does help, sorry I didnt reply earlier I was not feeling to good smile

Welcome to diamond. Sorry your not feeling to good.

It appears lamotrrigene is quite common for Bipolar.

domesticgodless Tue 19-Feb-13 23:07:09

Crawling and resurrection a resounding yes,I vary terribly in how I present myself and how sociable I am.

I have to be very very careful on my 'better' days not to flirt too much etc. Men get the wrong idea all the time (yes including 'friends') and do you find when you are 'high' you attract people randomly, including women as friends? Then when you are low they don't understand cos you were this magnetic friendly person.

I really began to understand that process and that it really isn't my fault but it has taken me about 25 years to get there!!!

I am very agoraphobic atm but the anxiety is down from 2 days ago when it was unbearable.

Crawling you are not.a.crap.mum. don't ever think that. Really crap mums think they are great and it's everyone else's fault.

TheResurrectionOfMirage Wed 20-Feb-13 08:54:38

domestics: oh yes smile. I was flirting a lot. Also, I got these "feelings" that somebody is in love with me, like fellow students, professors and collagues. I ended up in some pretty embarrasing situations. Nowadays I look so tired and two screaming kids won't help. They would probably find my flirting very sad.

nenevomito Wed 20-Feb-13 10:32:44

Yy crawling, when I'm depressed I can't be arsed with my appearance and I just wear crappy track suit bottoms with a fleece.

Worse is when I'm manic. Last time I spent a fortune on mini skirts, lurid pink and yellow blouses and teenager clothes. I'm middle aged. I thought I looked fantastic. I thought people were looking at me as I looked fantastic. They were actually looking at me as I looked like a twat.

nenevomito Wed 20-Feb-13 10:33:39

Caja - the break in sounds horrendous. No wonder you're so on edge.

nenevomito Wed 20-Feb-13 10:36:55

Mirage - during one of my biggest manic episodes at uni, I did the same thing. It's why I can't afford to get to high now as I have a family and can't spend my time flirting with inappropriate people.

Yappy, it could be bipolar, the symptoms are similar. Talking to your GP is the best start.

Crawling Wed 20-Feb-13 12:30:59

Thanks DomesticGoddless

Crawling Wed 20-Feb-13 16:23:06

Im feeling a bit better today how is everyone else feeling?

TheResurrectionOfMirage Wed 20-Feb-13 16:29:23

crap. Feeling very tired and zombie. Feeling bad, too.

nenevomito Wed 20-Feb-13 16:55:49

I'm OK. I've come round to a friend's house so the kids are playing together nicely well they're not quite killing each other. I am not a fan of half term.

DiamondDoris Wed 20-Feb-13 17:57:19

My story: I dumped my boyfriend for a stranger on facebook, after 2 days took boyfriend back when I came back to earth with a bump - heralding in a depressive phase (thank god, kind of). Boyfriend is my support and watches my moods closely without being judgemental. He comes with me to the psychiatrist as he knows better than me what my moods are like. I hope everyone has someone supportive, it's a lot easier. Had a manic phase a year before that when I was trying to become a stand-up (hahaha) and thought I was psychic. That's when I began to fear I was bipolar or at least people were telling me I was.

My whole life has been one long embarrassment and nothing to show for it.

DiamondDoris Wed 20-Feb-13 17:59:02

Oh I forgot to say, I don't remember the depressions unless I'm in one. Does anyone feel like that? I can't remember what they are like but I dread them coming on.

nenevomito Wed 20-Feb-13 20:57:19

DH is very supportive, but I don't take him to my psych appointments and he doesn't really have any input into my treatment. Part of my problem has always been that I cut myself off from family and friends as soon as I start getting ill.

cat79 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:15:55

Hey ladies, I've read the whole thread as I am also BP2 and can I join please? I started Depakote 1000mg per day in Jan and am currently stable, if a bit down. I lost my job as a teacher though as I was so ill during the preceding episode, so this is probably providing a legitimate reason for the down!

Babyheave, I laughed so much at your lurid clothing/looking like a tw*t comment- I did exactly the same when I was ill last summer. Despite being a secondary school teacher NOT a film star/bunny girl, I took to going to work every day in increasingly glamorous 1940s attire, including bright read lipstick and prom dresses. I also developed a delusion that there was an inappropriate sexual chemistry between myself and my line manager (blush)

As others have said, the worst part of it all is how guilty you feel when you are not able to be the mum you want to be (sad) During the recovery period I have been in since Christmas, I have been trying to view child-related stuff as a whole week, as that means that if I have a bad day (which have been frequent as Depakote makes me feel like I need to sleep all day) and ds watches Cbeebies all day, it is balanced out by the fact that I managed to do play doh and baking on a good day (smile)

Thanks for staring the thread Crawling

cat79 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:17:15

I have totally managed to f**k up using smilies- can anyone tell me what I did wrong?

mummylin2495 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:26:38

you are using the wrong brackets its the [ ones you have to use

Bunfags Wed 20-Feb-13 21:46:16

Hey. Been lurking on the thread for a couple of days. I managed to crack a wry smile at the outlandish outfits and delusions of sexual chemistry.

DiamondDoris Thu 21-Feb-13 08:16:43

I used to think everyone had periods of being in a dark place and then having periods of euphoria... I thought I was normal. I too had periods of wearing ridiculous clothes (I wore an almost see-through white dress which just about covered my bottom to a job in Westminster). I remember an interview where I turned up drunk, put my feet casually up on the interviewer's desk... I got the job! There were times where I thought I was the bees knees and other times huge self loathing. I can relate to everyone here. I'm sorry about you cat79 losing your job sad

Crawling Thu 21-Feb-13 09:31:02

Welcome cat79 I actually have 3 different wardrobes one is gothic clothes or tracksuits which is usually worn while depressed. Jeans and pretty yops which are usually worn when Im normal and then like others the skimpy glitzy outfits.

I gave a male friend a heart attack ones I had a pair of bright pink playboy hotpantsblush a bright pink bikini top bright ping super high heels covered with a trench coat. As he came in I ripped the trenchcoat open and he screamed as he though I had nothing on under neath blush It turned out he wasnt far wrong.

I also have different music when Im up I tend to listen to dance music but the rest of the time I like rock.

nenevomito Thu 21-Feb-13 14:11:12

I genuinely thought that the reason why things were so great after a bad depression was because compared to being depressed, everything was brilliant.

Hindsight tells me that blowing around 30k in two years on fuck all, thinking I was irrisistable, partying for 72 hours straight and dressing like an idiot was not normal behaviour.

I'm still going to miss the nice bit of the high before things go out of hand, but I can't risk another bout of illness or I WILL lose my job and it would cause even more problems in my family life.

Bunfags Thu 21-Feb-13 14:21:50

I can relate to wearing funkier garms during a manic phase. I have a lot of loud retro clothes and Victorian style stuff that I wear whilst manic. At the moment I'm depressed, so I eat constantly, take no pride in my appearance and look like a total minger. I won't let DP anywhere near me and I have zero sex drive anyway. I did force myself to go for a full leg and bikini wax on Monday, but none of my nice clothes fit.

Being high can be a lot of fun babyheave, but I've also got myself into some very dodgy situations. I had an fling with a very dubious gypsie man once whilst in a manic phase, and I didn't realise he already had a girlfriend. I went out and got rip-roaring drunk one night and the girlfriend's brother and his mates abducted me and left me in the middle of nowhere.

In my saner moments I would never have got involved with such a person. He was engaged in some very dodgy activities.

I really hope my depresion lifts soon. I'm getting a lot of derealisation and depersonalisation. I feel so empty and detached.

CajaDeLaMemoria Thu 21-Feb-13 14:26:54

Hey everyone.

I'm still not doing well. I jump at the slightest noise, and I have to check the doors and all the locks hourly. OH noticed and has tried showing me that they are locked, and trying to reassure me that I don't need to check them, but I just lie to be able to get to the door to check. Like saying I need the toilet or something...

I've managed to get a psychiatrists appointment next week but my god does it feel like a long way away.

I feel so strange. I'm in shock, I think. I don't feel anything. I keep just sitting myself in a big cupboard under the boiler. The feeling of mortality is very odd, too.

Crawling Thu 21-Feb-13 15:28:27

Oh Caja. Can you set yourself a limit like you can only check 4 times?

Whats hurting me the most right now is I have yo fight for dd in order to get her the support she needs but im so depressed I can hardly get out of bed and she needs me im trying so hard but its really hard for me to be forceful and have the energy to push this through.

TheResurrectionOfMirage Fri 22-Feb-13 14:43:22

Not good day. Going inpatient to start meds. Quite a mess.

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