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I think I've always been anxious - more than hypochondria?? Help me put the pieces together

(4 Posts)
BumgrapesofWrath Sat 02-Feb-13 22:07:31

My DH jokes that I'm a hypochondriac, in fact it's a joke with all my family.

I've been doing some thinking, and I think it's more than this.

I've been thinking back to childhood, and between the ages of about 8 and 11 I remember believing I was going to die in the night. So I'd make myself stay awake because I thought if I slept I wouldn't wake up. I thought it would be a heart attack I would die of, but even though I was young I still tried to rationalise that this couldn't possibly happen...Still didn't stop me having sleepless nights.

I would like to say at this point I had not known anyone who had died so this wasn't what had triggered this.

As I've got older I would say I have become a bit of a hypochondriac. But only an occasional one if that makes sense! My doctor wouldn't know I was one, or friends. But DH does because when I'm worried about something I tend to tell him. But I always fear the worst - death.

I don't feel neurotic, or depressed. I would say I do get anxious about other things, like I might get a bit keyed up before a social event, and when I turn up I go into hyperactive, jolly mode, and no-one would guess I was anxious. People who don't know me well believe me to be very laid-back (I am not).

I would call what I have a hypochondriac episode I suppose. i can go for months and months and feel healthy. And then I'll become obsessed with something eg after Jade Goody died I thought I had cervical cancer as I was bleeding down below, and I was convinced I'd die (as it happened it was an erosion, but it was very much worst case scenario what I was thinking).

The reason I am posting is it is getting worse since having children. Because the stakes are higher. I can't bear the thought of leaving my boys. So the thoughts have become more frequent and worse.

Bit of background - alcoholic, unpredictable father. Felt fearful of him at points in my childhood. Still think about the time he really frightened me (though I wish I didn't). I do occasionally get nightmares where my dad is going to hurt me. I wonder if this has any connection to my hypochondria.

Also, my father had a psychotic episode about 5 years ago,he was delusional and hearing voices.

Most of the time I feel quite sane, it's just I hate this anxious feeling I get sometimes and I just want to put the pieces together and try and help myself.

Sorry for the long post - I'm not even sure what I'm asking here

lalabaloo Sat 02-Feb-13 22:15:20

I can't offer much help, except to say I have anxiety over certain situations too (not health related for me, other stuff) and I would talk to your GP. They should be able to offer you some counselling or something. I have had counselling and it helped to an extent, I don't feel like I will ever be 'fixed' though

lalabaloo Sat 02-Feb-13 22:15:44

Sorry that probably wasn't helpful at all...

Mylittlepuds Sun 03-Feb-13 17:10:03

Bumgrapes - you sound like me. My health anxiety can go to ridiculous levels. Recently I had a lump in my armpit and I was categorically sure it was cancer (lymphoma). It wasn't - it was a cyst - but I always jump to terminal illness and death.

I have lots of anxiety problems, but only since the birth if my DS. And I think you're absolutely right - the stakes are higher.

Does it bother you. Or are you at peace with how you are?

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